CFery? Or not? Do I just suck this up?

[ZenNudist]

Long, not to dripfeed.

At PILs this year. Meant to see my dsis day after boxing day and go home that night. However MIL has booked a big group of her friend and all her friends's family to come on 27th. Dsis is unwell and doesn't want to just fit in with the other family. MIL didn't want to add an extra 2 guests to the huge number here on 27th so Ive ended up driving 90mins there and back to pick up non driving dsis and BIL on boxing day for the day. Im also cooking the food in my family tradition. All good so far. I dont want to drive on boxing day but its a choice I made as dsis is so down.

I do resent having this family foisted on me at Christmas when Im not going to be able to see my dps or cousins because MIL has also planned a family party on 28th. Thats a different issue. Im sucking that up this year and next year hopefully make time for my friends and family (who am I kidding I know MIL would be offended if we didn't visit at Christmas but when the boot is on the other foot my family don't get a look in).

MIL has been friends with this woman lets call her Amy, A for short since forever. They have similar aged children and grandchildren who are perfectly pleasant who we see once every 1 or 2 or 3 years. They never usually get involved in our family Christmas celebrations.

So the AIBU. A's family was going to stay over (already Im thinking thank Christ that's not happening, its awkward enough with close friends and family). Anyway A says her dgc were looking forward to "a sleepover" and are disappointed that isn't happening. MIL is a generous host and loves these kids so immediately said they could stay anyway. Apparently without their mum (divorced in case you wonder where the dad is in all this).

This is where Im put out. I dont see why the kids need to stay over. My two are over excited over tired over indulged and strung out. At the end of the day I will just want to get them into bed and I don't want to be dealing with 2 more children than I have to the next day.

MIL got in a huff when I said it was a bad idea and that I didn't want to be facilitating a dc "sleepover" on top of a day of entertaining 10 of A's family on top of Boxing Day buggered up by the A family party plan, on top of Christmas day (children already at fever pitch) on top of the pre Christmas run up which has been busy.

We are only getting a short break from our full on jobs this year and its been monopolised by DH's family. DH is very well mannered and would never take advantage of others' hospitality like this and foist our dc on an A equivalent in the same circumstances. But hes just saying to let MIL get on with it and look after all 4 children.

Thing is MIL isnt a well woman and I'd feel a cow letting her do that. Dh will probably get involved in sorting it out which is not great as he is totally knackered from overwork.

So not looking to get savaged on here. How do I put this? Do I stay quiet or do I state its all a bit much and personally think its better if the dc go home with the rest of their family.

It all sounds very dramatic! I lost my way a few times but actually it's quite simple. I'm exhausted now! 😂

I agree that your anger is totally aimed at the wrong person! A’s daughter isn’t to blame - she probably thinks her kids have been invited to a sleepover if her mother and your MIL have arranged that. You MIL is taking the piss with the amount you’re being expected to do over the Xmas person (including ‘mandatory’ events if someone told me an event was mandatory I wouldn’t be attending just to let them know that it was unacceptable) and you’re being a bit of a wet lettuce for just sucking it up. Of all the things in your post, having random kids for a sleepover would annoy me no more than everything else MIL has done. If you haven’t put your foot down to any of that then she probably thinks she can do what she wants 🤷‍♀️

He agrees we can go home on the 27th

So, you won't be there for the children staying the night, and it turns out attendance at the family party on the 28th isn't mandatory after all.

Do you usually make mountains out of molehills?

Good morning I don't think I explained it very clearly.
Its the A party we have to go to.
Im not angry im irritated.
Sleepover is the straw breaking the camels back.
The party on 28th includes family we want to see but will now miss because we dont want to spend all the previous day and all night in the company of MILs extended network of friends.
youretheChristmascarcass My dsis flat is not welcoming and its bad enough collecting her and driving her here without going back again. But thanks. I will maje sure my parents get a look in next Christmas.

Im sorry but I have a lot to do and can't get drawn into this today. Its becoming very identifying and although I tried to keep it nice about my dh family and extended networks of friends I think it could cause offence with all the misunderstanding replies. I will see if a mod will pull the thread.

DH mum is hard work. We know that. She is also very (too?) Kind. Still its something to think on.

Thanks for posting

Good on you for leaving tomorrow.

TellMe
Are you reading the same bloody thread??

I assume so.

OP has lots of detail about staying at her inlaws. Attendance at family functions being mandatory. Being unable to see her own family at Christmas. Attendance at family functions being mandatory. Some complicated arrangement to see her sister. Having to cater for all these extra people that MIL has sprung on them. Attendance at family functions being mandatory. 2 children having a sleepover that at first it seemed OP was being expected to look after, then turns out she wasn't (or was she?! 🤷🏻‍♀️).

And after all that, the original plan to go home on the 27th is exactly what is still happening.

Their dc are 7 & 9 you said. Just about any parent would let them stay at family friends they’d known their whole life I’d think. You are focusing on the wrong part of the problem.
Next Christmas plan something on the 28th with friends and tell dh you can’t go to pil until after. Problem solved.

I think next year you need to rethink things though. Spend time with your parents and don’t let it be hijacked by PIL if you don’t want. If your DH says you have to go, remind him of this year and point out the unfairness.

the massive family / friend gatherings are mandatory

No they aren't.
Does she send a press gang round to fetch you if you don't go?