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AIBU?

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Original poster

I was crying, he was filming

88 replies

RexDangerVest · 25/12/2019 07:59

I've done everything for Christmas, literally every single thing. DP hasn't bought a single present or contributed ANYTHING. Hasn't even asked what I've bought the kids or showed the slightest bit of interest. He went to bed last night, I stayed up finishing sorting everything. He has a lie in, I was up at 5.30 with eldest DS (SEN) trying to calm him and stop him waking everyone up. Youngest DS wakes up so I said we can go downstairs now but need to wait for daddy to open presents. After some persuading DP comes downstairs. He's already grumpy and snappy with me and the kids (eldest is hyper). I ask to borrow his phone to take some photos as mine is broken. He's being rude and I'm getting upset as kids are starting to open presents. He starts filming on his phone and I tell him to stop but he won't. I tried to get his phone and he yelled at me and wouldn't give it to me. Carried on filming. I missed the kids opening their presents because I was so upset and he just sat and filmed the whole thing. He didn't even deserve to be there the selfish fuck. I'm LTB I hope you all agree IANBU

OP posts:
DickDewy · 25/12/2019 09:23

Think about the damage this is doing to your children. What a horrendous thing for them to witness and attempt to process. Do you want them growing up thinking this is how life is?

You need to split up and prioritise your children.

Shesalittlemadam · 25/12/2019 09:28

OP he won't bother with the kids once you leave. He'll argue the toss about access as a competition against you but he won't actually step up to the plate when it comes to getting up early on Saturday (for example) and taking responsibility for them. Nope, won't happen by the sounds of it. Don't worry ThanksThanksThanks

I'm a single parent after leaving an abusive man. Feel free to pm me if you'd like to chat or like some advice? I can help with advice on legal stuff & benefits/finances etc. It's not as scary as it seems, I promise you Brew

Shesalittlemadam · 25/12/2019 09:29

OP you can have him legally removed from the house for 30 days (Occupational Order) in order for you to get the legalities sorted. Him owning half of it is irrelevant.

Raphael34 · 25/12/2019 09:36

Why were you trying to take his phone op? It’s HIS phone. Where was yours?? He was trying to film his children opening their presents on Xmas day on HIS phone. You tried to take it off him and he reasonably refused to let you have it. Why didn’t you get your own phone, or just let him film the children and actually just sit and enjoy watching them? He behaved badly, but you were ridiculous to miss out on watching your children opening the presents because you’d rather fight your husband for his phone. You both need to get your priorities in order

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 25/12/2019 09:42

Her phone is broken

Why does he get to do the filming when she has done all the work. It’s Disney Dad bollocks.

Ambrose2 · 25/12/2019 09:44

They all make a big song and dance about how they are going to fight for residency/custody/50:50, and then by the second or third court hearing for the most part They are absent, or late, and start hearing things they don't like from the courts and gradually end up with EOW or fading into obscurity completely.

Lovemusic33 · 25/12/2019 09:53

My ex was like this, Christmas is so much more relaxed with out him, both my dd’s have additional needs and he used to make things so much worse by being a twat at Christmas, I did everything, even buying for his children.

ZenNudist · 25/12/2019 10:19

Aw you poor thing. Grin and bear. 2020 is time ship out this abusive arse.

MulticolourTinselOnTheTree · 25/12/2019 10:21

But if we separate then I'll have to be apart from them sometime? & I'm worried about him turning nasty over it, he's threatened to keep them away from me before.

He also stuck the phone in my face while he was filming to get a close up of me angry and upset

Get advice about separating as soon as you can. This is making me suspect he's going to threaten to take the DC as he has "evidence" that you're not a fit mother. You're going to need to stay calm around him if you can. If you're the primary carer, it's unlikely to succeed if you're showing otherwise that the DC are well taken care of, but it'll be a stain on you in the meantime. I doubt he'll want the DC all the time, he's not doing much now, but he'll be using this as a threat to keep you in line.

ArranUpsideDown · 25/12/2019 10:24

I wish I could just smile and pretend everything is fine and not damage my children by behaving horribly but I hate him and the way he makes me feel and I can't help crying and shouting.

I'm sorry, OP. From what you've written it looks exactly like you know what you need to do.

QueenMab: I always ended up overwrought and emotional at Christmas, it was my husband's role to help me in any practical way he could and support me by reminding me that the little details don't matter, and the best memories don't need videoing.

That's a good relationships framework.

Havaina · 25/12/2019 10:29

He’s a cunt OP. Glad you’re leaving him.

kevintheorangecarrot · 25/12/2019 10:35

Enjoy today as much as you can. Tomorrow, get his bags packed (Boxing Day.. perfect!) and tell him to GTFO.

Qcumber · 25/12/2019 10:36

I'm sorry OP he sounds awful.
What stuck out to me was that your children continued to open their presents while you were shouting and crying and fighting over a phone. They're so used to this happening that they didn't even stop to check everything was OK. If my mother was crying and shouting I wouldn't be opening presents and ignoring it. :( please get out before too much damage is done to your children. Good luck.

Savingshoes · 25/12/2019 11:07

And now you have evidence of each other's behaviour when you see a couple's counsellor /legal to separate.
Silver Linings.

Original poster
RexDangerVest · 25/12/2019 11:18

What stuck out to me was that your children continued to open their presents while you were shouting and crying and fighting over a phone. They're so used to this happening that they didn't even stop to check everything was OK.

That's like a slap in the face. You're right and it's true. I can't let it carry on any longer.

OP posts:
Mermaidtissues · 25/12/2019 11:32

He is a wanker and a bully, get rid x

FudgeBrownie2019 · 25/12/2019 11:38

What Multicolour said is bang on. I think he's trying to deliberately bait you into behaving like this so he can show you up for being an unfit parent. All the "woe is me" bollocks lazy arseholes like him usually peddle when the women they've ground down decide to fuck them off.

Stay calm, stay focussed and destroy him in the very best way possible; by moving on and away from him. By building a strong, healthy, self-respect filled life. He won't make the effort required to be a decent father, but he's not making that now, so fuck him and his shitty behaviour. Flowers

Candymay · 25/12/2019 11:39

Nurture that little flame of excitement within you when you think of life with him gone! Yeeeeehaaaaaaw!
For today enjoy it as best you can and know that this will all get better.

Horehound · 25/12/2019 11:53

Hmm so how are you posting this if you're phone is broken? You're surely not sitting on a pc ignoring them are you?

Havaina · 25/12/2019 11:55

Hmm so how are you posting this if you're phone is broken? You're surely not sitting on a pc ignoring them are you?

Hmm ever heard of a tablet?

And it's 'your phone' not 'you're phone'.

Original poster
RexDangerVest · 25/12/2019 12:10

I'm on my phone. Only the camera is broken, everything else is working.

OP posts:
Original poster
RexDangerVest · 25/12/2019 12:16

Thank you for those posting words of encouragement, it's really helping.

OP posts:
Snoopdogsbitch · 25/12/2019 12:28

Stay strong. Christmas just brings the issues to the forefront. Final argument with exH was 11 years ago tomorrow- time together just exacerbates the problems. I went to my sister's with the kids the next day and started taking apart my life.

There is light- all.these years later he is a wonderful father to my 2 DC, we have each other's backs and he won't hear a word against me. I have new partner of 9 years, who is a brilliant step father, and another DC. There is light and there is hope.

ItttsssssChrissttmassss · 25/12/2019 12:36

@Havaina Don't be an arsehole! OP's grammar is not important here. Have another bite of a selection box and move on!

AntiHop · 25/12/2019 13:00

Ending a relationship is not easy, but you're life will be so nice happier.

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