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AIBU?

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Original poster

I was crying, he was filming

88 replies

RexDangerVest · 25/12/2019 07:59

I've done everything for Christmas, literally every single thing. DP hasn't bought a single present or contributed ANYTHING. Hasn't even asked what I've bought the kids or showed the slightest bit of interest. He went to bed last night, I stayed up finishing sorting everything. He has a lie in, I was up at 5.30 with eldest DS (SEN) trying to calm him and stop him waking everyone up. Youngest DS wakes up so I said we can go downstairs now but need to wait for daddy to open presents. After some persuading DP comes downstairs. He's already grumpy and snappy with me and the kids (eldest is hyper). I ask to borrow his phone to take some photos as mine is broken. He's being rude and I'm getting upset as kids are starting to open presents. He starts filming on his phone and I tell him to stop but he won't. I tried to get his phone and he yelled at me and wouldn't give it to me. Carried on filming. I missed the kids opening their presents because I was so upset and he just sat and filmed the whole thing. He didn't even deserve to be there the selfish fuck. I'm LTB I hope you all agree IANBU

OP posts:
ohwheniknow · 25/12/2019 08:34

This is your everyday?

If it's miserable and stressful for you, it will be for the children. They will think it's their fault. They will think it's normal. They will grow up and replicate it.

Get through today as best you can, but after that I really think you need to consider what you do next. Flowers

Palaver1 · 25/12/2019 08:34

You are not being unreasonable

IdiotInDisguise · 25/12/2019 08:36

Rex, a father like that won’t take your children away, they just gradually fade in the background after a while.

Find your anger and use it to carve a way out of this. You will still have the same struggles but without a horrible man adding to them and letting your kids down.

It is not a matter of running away with nothing, put your ducks in a row and leave, when you are ready.

busybarbara · 25/12/2019 08:38

But he was filming the present opening, so no photos needed. Maybe he felt a video of the event was better and you were trying to ruin his contribution.

Original poster
RexDangerVest · 25/12/2019 08:38

You're right, I just have to remind myself that it's not in their best interests to stay.

OP posts:
GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 25/12/2019 08:39

I can't help crying and shouting.

And it’s your children that lose out not him.

MrsWhites · 25/12/2019 08:39

Sounds awful OP, you and your children deserve a nice day so don’t let him take anymore of it from you. Focus on the kids, ignore any grumpiness or snapping from him and let him wallow in his own misery!

Singlenotsingle · 25/12/2019 08:40

He's a nasty piece of work.

Pud2 · 25/12/2019 08:46

Poor you. Sounds miserable and stressful. Just try and plaster a smile on your face and focus on the kids. Ignore him and his attempts to upset you. Try your best to remain calm and not let him ruin everything. So hard for you.

SourAndSnippy · 25/12/2019 08:56

Sounds awful. He sounds really unpleasant.

I’m not sure you dealt with it the best way though. Hope the kids are ok. It must be really awful for them to see their Mum so angry and upset on xmas day. If you can’t stop shouting and crying in front the kids can you remove yourself from the room? Your partners sounds very unkind.
Sounds like it’s time to end the relationship. Good luck.

Are you seeing other family today? Hope the rest of the day is better.

JonSlow · 25/12/2019 08:58

Put on your game face today, today is for your kids.

Every five minutes you get to yourself, start thinking about how much life will be better when he’s fucked off.

If he pisses you off today, take a deep breath and a couple of seconds. This will be the last Christmas you have the asshat around. You can do it this one last time. Then it’s freedom.

Trews2019 · 25/12/2019 09:02

Do you have to spend all day just you, him and the kids? Or are family joining you later?

BIWI · 25/12/2019 09:04

LTB doesn't mean you leave your kids!

Do you rent or own your house? Can you chuck him out instead?

Original poster
RexDangerVest · 25/12/2019 09:04

Just us 😢

OP posts:
Trews2019 · 25/12/2019 09:06

Sorry it’s just you guys all day. Could you take the kids out to the park at some point? Any friends nearby who you could drop in on later?

Original poster
RexDangerVest · 25/12/2019 09:08

LTB doesn't mean you leave your kids!

But if we separate then I'll have to be apart from them sometime? & I'm worried about him turning nasty over it, he's threatened to keep them away from me before. We own a house together but aren't married. He won't leave the house.

OP posts:
MrsWhites · 25/12/2019 09:08

Is it an option to change your plans to see family today? If not just play the game for today and make plans to leave ASAP. I’m not sure why you think LTB means you have to leave your children?

Original poster
RexDangerVest · 25/12/2019 09:08

& yes I will definitely take them to the park to get some space

OP posts:
IdiotInDisguise · 25/12/2019 09:10

Suggest going to the park or a walk later on. He will hopefully say no, that would give you some unspoiled time with your kids.

You can go to watch the lights tonight, to mass, whatever, carve a time out for you and your kids away from him.

MrsWhites · 25/12/2019 09:10

Crossed post with you OP, I wouldn’t worry too much about spending time away from your kids, he doesn’t exactly sound like the model father who’ll be desperate to spend lots of time with them. Yes, initially he might use this as a way to punish you but the novelty of this will wear off when he realises he has to do ALL of the parenting!

OhioOhioOhio · 25/12/2019 09:10

Yes. I'm with family and friends this morning. My kids are with my nasty abusive stbxh. It's not easy but it's much easier than putting up with his shit. And the kids are going to find out today some more reasons why their dad is a selfish, nasty bastard. Not exactly what my dreams were but so, so much better than coping with his venom.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 25/12/2019 09:12

Your Christmas present to yourself next year is have got all the advice you need to get away from this man.

After Christmas post a thread in Relationships and people will help you work through your options.

LagunaBubbles · 25/12/2019 09:13

But if we separate then I'll have to be apart from them sometime?

I do sympathise but subjecting your children to the toxic environment they are living in means the risk of emotional damage to them is extremely sky high. And the consequences of thst can be life long.

YouMaySayImADreamer · 25/12/2019 09:14

I'm so sorry OP, YANBU, he sounds horrible.

My DF was just like this growing up. He did his level best to ruin every Christmas, Mothers Day, my DMs birthday etc. It was as though he couldn't stand the attention not being on him and it irritated him us being happy. It took years and until we were grown up for DM to leave him and this behaviour became our normal growing up. It is not normal. Well done for having the strength to leave him. You WILL be happier and so will your dc

I hope you enjoy the rest of the day with dc. There are better Christmasses to come

YouMaySayImADreamer · 25/12/2019 09:16

FWIW I think my DF would have fought to see us for the first Christmas or so but would have quickly lost interest in regular access. People like this only care about themselves.

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