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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband's gift is too much

93 replies

JimmyJam2019 · 24/12/2019 23:26

There is no way to explain this without sounding ungrateful but I shall try.
For my milestone birthday hubby took me away to a posh hotel for a meal and night away. My parents looked after the kids all great. Assumed this was my gift and was more than happy with that.
While away he presented me with a new watch, a very nice fancy watch that cost too much and I certainly can't wear day to day.
I'm currently on mat leave and also have a toddler, I go out once a month at best with mum friends to the local pub. Nowhere you wear such a thing.
The amount he spent on it would go a long way to refurbing our bathroom or sorting out our garden, which I'd probably get more use out of.
Aibu?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 25/12/2019 00:38

You can't wear an expensive watch to a pub? Xmas Confused

WarmthAndDepth · 25/12/2019 00:39

Don't save stuff for best, OP. Your DP sounds thoughtful, and if he can afford it -enjoy!

EL8888 · 25/12/2019 00:47

I vote keep it and enjoy it especially it was a milestone birthday. Assuming you like it? Sounds like he was trying to treat you. Happy birthday and Christmas

ThisIsSanta · 25/12/2019 00:51

I wear a very expensive watch daily. It is quietly beautiful and I love that it is usually under a sleeve so no one notices. Sometimes it is just nice to enjoy lovely gifts.

Catmaiden · 25/12/2019 00:59

Why should she be grateful? If its something she would never want, or wear, why should he not know that about her? Why should she lie, to save his hurt feelings? What about her disappointment and hurt feelings, at getting a gift she didn't want or need, from someone who should know better?

BrickTop999 · 25/12/2019 01:03

I kinda understand where you are coming from but a different perspective. I cant wear my Roley as I have such sensitive skin Im always taking it off and now never wear it, as Im terrified I will leave it somewhere as I take it off subconsciously !
To me its a total waste of money ..... but can only blame myself as I bought the sodding thing ! Xx

Branster · 25/12/2019 01:03

Happy Birthday and well done to DH for spoiling you.
I can understand a little bit where you’re coming from.
My DH got me a very, very expensive handbag I once admired on a lady in London but in my head I didn’t actually want to have one, I was simply pointing it out as it’s a modern cool design understated but amazing and I thought he wasn’t even listening, a bit like admiring a Bugatti yes it’s superb but I definitely wouldn’t want one of those for obvious reasons. Said handbag has been used once on an evening out with friends because it’s not practical as an everyday handbag and useless for work and a connoisseur would know what it is which makes me self conscious to use it as I think it might be a bit too much. No idea how he managed to buy it on his own. If I am to be really picky I’d have liked a different colour. I did really appreciate he was listening to such a small comment I once made in passing and that he went to the trouble of sourcing it. Obviously a bag is not as expensive as a fancy watch.
Look at this special watch as a lifelong item you can pass on, you don’t have to wear it every day, they last for decades and some older models are more expensive than new ones. It’s like a string of high quality pearls, you wouldn’t necessarily wear a lot but they are special. I know because DH once got me some which I wore 3 times in 20 years and I never wanted pearls but I’ll pass on to DD one day.
Forget about the cost. This was a milestone birthday you will remember for decades to come and every time you see the watch you’ll think DH got you that for x birthday. Somehow, home improvements don’t have the same hold on one’s emotions, they are a necessity at some stage but can be done later. Your milestone birthday only happens once. Put it in perspective, look at it over a 40-50 years span.

Branster · 25/12/2019 01:07

Catmaiden OP didn’t say she didn’t like the watch, she said it is very nice. It’s the sort of thing she might wear on occasions and maybe more regularly when her social/work circumstances change. It’s a ell thought out gift but came at the wrong time because of the need for a new bathroom, the right time to wear it will come. DH wanted to treat OP not their house. OP is with him for life, new bathroom not so much.

Walnutwhipster · 25/12/2019 01:09

I've just had a new bathroom put in in time for Christmas. I'd have preferred a Rolex it'll be around longer.

LightDrizzle · 25/12/2019 01:10

Most people who have expensive watches wear them every day?!
Mine isn’t top tier (stainless steel Cartier Tank Francaise) but it’s expensive for me, I wear it every day. i also wear my much more valuable rings every day, with my supermarket jeans and high street tops. Nice things are best enjoyed, not locked away.

donquixotedelamancha · 25/12/2019 01:12

I'd be quite annoyed if DW bought such an expensive gift I didn't particularly want. I find it odd that anyone would insist you should be fine with it.

Sit him down, say thank you but explain that purchases of this size should be discussed first and you aren't comfortable with the amount, then return it while you can.

wokingpizzaexpress · 25/12/2019 01:24

I got a naice watch from my husband as a wedding gift. I'm not sure of the exact cost but it was upwards of £4k
I wear it every day... it's all scratch resistant. I love it. I've had it for 15 years and I'll probably never change it in my life time so actually it's very good value!

Raphael34 · 25/12/2019 01:38

How very dare he 🙄 of course he should have thought of remodelling the house or sorting the garden as a birthday present to you, instead of actually buying you a lovely present on top of a trip away in a hotel child free. Thoughtless bastard

Justaboy · 25/12/2019 01:42

Accept it and treasure it, and I'll tell you for why!.

Many years ago there was a lady who I thought the very world of and i saved and saved and i bought her much the same.

Only to find she went and sold it and kept the cash.

I was totally and utterly heart broken and to this day I find it almost impossible to trust anyone as when i gave that gift - my heart was with it.

Its never been mended since then:(

Never mind the improvments and all that, they will come but someone who loves you is worth more than whatever you will know:)

percheron67 · 25/12/2019 01:47

If he gives you a super present in spite of the fact that you call him "hubby" thank your lucky stars!

Angelw · 25/12/2019 01:53

Lucky woman 👩, First world problem.

Timberoo · 25/12/2019 01:56

I got nothing.

Creepster · 25/12/2019 02:02

It is always a shock when we realize they neither know nor care what we like or want.
Expensive jewellery that you will never wear is especially frustrating.

AlaskaSometimes · 25/12/2019 02:10

I’d hate an expensive watch too and much prefer home renos. Take it back and get the cash for something you like.

donquixotedelamancha · 25/12/2019 02:33

Accept it and treasure it, and I'll tell you for why! Many years ago there was a lady who I thought the very world of and i saved and saved and i bought her much the same. Only to find she went and sold it and kept the cash. I was totally and utterly heart broken and to this day I find it almost impossible to trust anyone as when i gave that gift - my heart was with it. Its never been mended since then

OP, I think this is a very eloquent explanation of why you should talk to your husband.

Do you want to be married to an adult: who can cope with hearing that you don't like a gift, who discusses major choices and who knows what you really like?

Or do you want to be married to the above, and just keep quiet to avoid upset?

Marriage requires hard work and trust, show your husband you respect him enough to be honest with him.

Timberoo · 25/12/2019 02:38

None of ye ever hear of the phrase 'don't look a gift horse in the mouth'?

BoomBoomsCousin · 25/12/2019 02:50

What donquixote said.

TimeForNewStart · 25/12/2019 03:26

It’s about the fact that such a gift seems more for show, rather than being about you as an individual. Your husband is supposed to be the person who knows you best, and I would be upset by such a large and thoughtless gift.

eaglejulesk · 25/12/2019 03:42

It's a milestone birthday, and he is showing his love for you. Even if you don't want to wear it every day (I don't believe in keeping things for "best", but that you should wear them and get joy from them), well it doesn't have an expiry date and you won't always be at home with a toddler. When you're old you won't remember the bathroom or garden, but you will remember the watch.

Somanysocks · 25/12/2019 03:52

For goodness sake it seems men can't win whatever they do.

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