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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

They should not have let us in

88 replies

filka · 24/12/2019 18:06

I'm steaming mad...

Popped in to see our neighbours this evening, we live abroad so don't see them often, but are very friendly and they are helpful to us.

Welcomed in, air kiss on the way, mwa, sit down to chit-chat. After a few minutes they tell us that their son has come home from uni in Wales and had been in bed with mumps since Friday.

Even worse, he has had his MMR and booster. And someone else in his rowing team also had mumps before him, also having had MMR and booster. And when he went to the doctor, two of the staff had kids at uni in Wales who had caught mumps, also after MMR jobs.

Mumps is airborne and seems to have a gestation of about 2 weeks before any symptoms appear - so although the parents don't seem to be ill, they could nevertheless be infectious.

We both stripped off and had showers, clothes straight into the wash when we got home, minimising contact with our three kids (who had MMR jabs) and MIL (who hasn't).

AIBU to think that they should not have let us into the house, or (AINBU) am I being paranoid?

OP posts:
tobedtoMNandfart · 24/12/2019 18:10

Come again?! You dropped in on them! Pretty sure that they can be ill in bed in their own house without asking your permission? Sounds like they did tell you as soon as politely possible. Personally I think you're overreacting but this thread could go either way ...

slipperywhensparticus · 24/12/2019 18:10

Its common sense to pre warn people I had a social worker show up one day I said ate you sure you want to come in my son has chicken pox 🤷‍♀️

Booboostwo · 24/12/2019 18:14

Of course they should have told you at the door and then you could have decided whether to risk it or not.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 24/12/2019 18:15

Meh. You turned up. Did they have much choice?

Next time drop people a text first.

itsgettingweird · 24/12/2019 18:16

Yanbu.

Both my parents are having chemo. I would be fuming if someone didn't tell me I was coming into contact with something so serious.

I also has a SW turn up when my ds had the pox. She did come in. And then left after 20 minutes apologising for wasting my time on what was obviously a malicious call. (It was!)

cabbageking · 24/12/2019 18:17

Unless they were sneezing, coughing or spitting on you then you are no more at risk being in the house than talking to them in the doorstep.

f83mx · 24/12/2019 18:17

They probs should have said at the door but “steaming mad” is OTT when you imposed yourselves on ppl

ohwheniknow · 24/12/2019 18:18

The op didn't say she forced her way into their house. All they had to do was explain when they answered the door.

Why are people such arseholes on this site?

NarwhalsNarwhals · 24/12/2019 18:21

son was in bed upstairs and you were downstairs? if so you'll be fine, you were in no more danger than you would have been chatting on the doorstep.

Llareggub · 24/12/2019 18:21

Some (older) people don’t see mumps as a big deal. In the 70s I was taken to mumps parties (guess why) as it was generally accepted it was better to get it sooner rather than later in life.

I would have wanted to be told though.

happycamper11 · 24/12/2019 18:21

They probably expect that most adults will have had mumps (as have they likely) which will give far greater immunity than the vaccination.

busybarbara · 24/12/2019 18:22

I had a social worker show up one day I said ate you sure you want to come in my son has chicken pox

To be fair I doubt they would have said no as it sounds like an excuse to get rid of them in that case.

Trills · 24/12/2019 18:26

although the parents don't seem to be ill, they could nevertheless be infectious

They probably don't know this. I didn't know this.

It's not surprising that they assumed that being in the same house but not the same room as the ill person would not be a problem.

Blahblahblahnanana · 24/12/2019 18:27

Llareggub it was chickenpox parties not mumps parties.

TheBigFatMermaid · 24/12/2019 18:28

'We have mumps in the house, are you sure you want to come in?' would not be hard to say, surely!

Lulualla · 24/12/2019 18:32

Llareggub, that was chicken pox.

Karenisbaren · 24/12/2019 18:33

Pehaps they would have felt rude saying you cannot come in.

Blahblahblahnanana · 24/12/2019 18:34

UABU, if you’re children have had the MMR jab chances are the symptoms would be mild, it’s also very rare for complications to occur. Re your MIL, she probably had it as a child and is immune to further infection from the virus.

I would have probably had a shower when I got home thought! 😉

Trills · 24/12/2019 18:34

I agree that if someone in the house is ill it's polite to warn visitors and give them the option to not visit.

But you just sound SO over the top about it that I am finding you annoying. They are almost certainly just a bit ignorant, rather than malicious.

Have you burned your clothes like in The Velveteen Rabbit?

I8toys · 24/12/2019 18:34

Is mumps a big deal? I am 47 and can't even remember having it. I remember something about infertility but that's all.

frillyfarmer · 24/12/2019 18:36

Is mumps a big deal? I am 47 and can't even remember having it.

You're fucking joking, right?!

I8toys · 24/12/2019 18:37

No honestly - please explain the significance.

VivaLeBeaver · 24/12/2019 18:40

It’s usually not too bad if you had it as a child. But any older it can make you really poorly and for anyone post puberty it can make them infertile.

LakieLady · 24/12/2019 18:42

Is mumps a big deal? I am 47 and can't even remember having it.

I had it when I was 12. I was made to stay in bed for a week for some reason I can't recall, and was utterly pissed off because I really didn't feel very ill.

I looked like a giant hamster with its cheeks stuffed with food though.

I8toys · 24/12/2019 18:42

NHS website - not usually serious but its obviously very contagious.

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