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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

They should not have let us in

88 replies

filka · 24/12/2019 18:06

I'm steaming mad...

Popped in to see our neighbours this evening, we live abroad so don't see them often, but are very friendly and they are helpful to us.

Welcomed in, air kiss on the way, mwa, sit down to chit-chat. After a few minutes they tell us that their son has come home from uni in Wales and had been in bed with mumps since Friday.

Even worse, he has had his MMR and booster. And someone else in his rowing team also had mumps before him, also having had MMR and booster. And when he went to the doctor, two of the staff had kids at uni in Wales who had caught mumps, also after MMR jobs.

Mumps is airborne and seems to have a gestation of about 2 weeks before any symptoms appear - so although the parents don't seem to be ill, they could nevertheless be infectious.

We both stripped off and had showers, clothes straight into the wash when we got home, minimising contact with our three kids (who had MMR jabs) and MIL (who hasn't).

AIBU to think that they should not have let us into the house, or (AINBU) am I being paranoid?

OP posts:
megletthesecond · 24/12/2019 19:47

Yanbu.
They should have told you at the door so you had the option to decline.

ShagMeRiggins · 24/12/2019 19:53

And the whole stripping off, shower thing is a) OTT and b) probably ineffectual. It's a virus, not nuclear fallout.

What? Because nothing protects us from radiation better than a nice, hot shower and a load of laundry. Hmm

MrsH99 · 24/12/2019 19:57

I don't think I would be mad but I would definitely worry I had been exposed to it and then be on tenderhooks waiting for symptoms to appear. Perhaps if they didn't know you were coming they got caught offguard, didn't think straightaway to mention it (i.e. at the door) because they were just surprised/happy to see you. But then on the flip-side as I'm typing that I'm thinking well if I had something as contagious as mumps in my house I wouldn't want anyone coming in at all just in case so I'm not sure really.

Pud2 · 24/12/2019 19:57

Wouldn’t occur to me to tell anyone tbh, particularly if the ill person was in another room, on another floor. As per usual, an awful lot of people being over-dramatic.

LittleSweet · 24/12/2019 20:02

Mumps is really bad for adult men. My granddad caught it as an adult and his testicles swelled up to an enormous size and were very painful apparently. It also causes sterility in adult men.

incognitomum · 24/12/2019 20:11

They say you forget pain but I'm 51 and I remember that pain as a child. YANBU.

SevenStones · 24/12/2019 20:11

Not unreasonable to think they might have mentioned it at the door.

Ofalltheginjoints · 24/12/2019 20:24

If it makes you feel any better OP 4 years ago in January I had mumps, aged 29 at the time and had had the vaccines, DP (who had also had the vaccines) didn’t get it despite being in the same house.

It was 2nd January when I was diagnosed and no one else who I had been in contact with over Christmas developed Mumps either, hopefully it’ll be the same for you/your family

peonypower · 24/12/2019 20:34

I'm 47 and I never had it, despite my brother and sister having had it when we were children
I'm not sure it's that easy to catch

Thecurtainsofdestiny · 24/12/2019 20:56

Yanbu.

However, like a PP, one of ours had it despite being vaccinated but the other vaccinated child didn't get it despite living in the same house.

Yes they should have told you, but I don't think it's at all inevitable that you will come to harm from being there briefly.

Original poster
filka · 24/12/2019 21:04

In 12 days time we are on a 5 hour flight home...so I hope we are not incubating it then.

Message in advance to make a social call on neighbours 2 doors away at Christmas - what has society come to?

NHS says "Viral meningitis can occur if the mumps virus spreads into the outer protective layer of the brain (the meninges). It occurs in about 1 in 7 cases of mumps." 1 in 7 is odds I would much rather avoid.

But NHS also talks about the low risk if you have had the MMR jab, but here we are being told of four people who had the jab but still got mumps. To me that's rather worrying, it means that people are not as well protected as they think, that is a public health issue.

IMO they should have stopped us coming into the house.

OP posts:
Knoxinbox · 24/12/2019 21:04

We were visited by someone with their three children all of whom had the measles rash. My husband caught it aged 48 and nearly died. He still has poor eyesight.

WTF is wrong with people who take their sick children out and about?!

I hope you told them exactly what their selfish and irresponsible behaviour caused! I would never want to see or speak to them again after I’d told them I would be forever too furious!!

BrendasUmbrella · 24/12/2019 21:13

You have the right to feel concerned, but I don't think you have any right to be steaming mad. It's not like they invited you, you dropped in on them without notice on Christmas Eve. Maybe they'd just been chatting to relatives or doing something else and mumps wasn't the first thing on their minds when the doorbell rang.

maisie123 · 24/12/2019 21:16

My (vaccinated) son caught mumps from an unvaccinated friend at age 21. It developed into meninges encephaltis and he spent 6 months in a brain injury unit. I feel very lucky that he is about 90% back to what he was.

lljkk · 24/12/2019 21:23

You'll just need to quiz people before you step foot over the threshold, in future, in case they have nasties.

SapphosRock · 24/12/2019 21:28

I randomly got mumps at the age of 28 despite having the MMR vaccine. Lived in a big shared house with lots of people coming and going. Nobody else caught it.

Lovemusic33 · 24/12/2019 21:36

I remember having mumps as a child, it wasn’t nice but wasn’t as bad as measles which I had when I was 4. Mumps can cause infertility in men so it is pretty serious. I flew back from Spain whist I had measles (my mum didn’t realise I dad it until we were on the flight). I wasn’t vaccinated because at the time there was a suspected link to epilepsy we have it on both sides of the family. I had to suffer with all the child hood illnesses, measles and whooping cough being the worst.

richteasandcheese · 24/12/2019 22:02

I had mumps a few years back - dd was 2 and ds 4 (so one mmr and mmr and booster). Neither of them got it, nor did my husband. I also had contact with a newborn in the days before mumps appearing and they didn't get it. Of course the risk is there but hopefully that'll reassure you a little

richteasandcheese · 24/12/2019 22:03

People born between 80-90 are especially at risk because we only received one MMR and no booster

Andysbestadventure · 24/12/2019 22:06

I had the MMR in the 90's. I also had Mumps at 19. My boyfriend at the time (now my soon to be exDH) had also had the MMR as a kid. He also caught Mumps.

The Mumps part of the vaccine is something like 60% effective and some people just don't have the antibodies to it at all even after the MMR. It's a pretty shit vaccine. But I'd rather have it than not 🤷‍♀️

Also YABU. You dropped in on them.

Andysbestadventure · 24/12/2019 22:07

@richteasandcheese I was born 86 and had the booster in the 90's 🤷‍♀️

ToLiveInPeace · 24/12/2019 22:16

My DH is a strapping chap and you'd never know he's immunocompromised. If there's a risk of conveying a serious illness, then FFS let people know.

IWouldLikeToSeeTheseMangoes · 24/12/2019 22:31

YABU kind of for using the term "air kiss" and "mwa." And maybe slightly over dramatic. This coming from someone who is quite phobic about germs so I partly get it but still. I also wouldn't drop in on someone unannounced as I'd consider that a bit rude.

buckeejit · 24/12/2019 22:53

I've had the Mmr & had mumps thrice. Last time as an adult almost 11 years ago early pg with ds.

Dh didn't get it & luckily it just made me feel unbalanced & sort of drunk all the time so I quite enjoyed it with 2 weeks off work. Even though I'm overweight, my face & neck Swoll up massively so I looked like ant & Dec as large Americans!

I realise it can be more serious than this.

Pixxie7 · 24/12/2019 23:19

It may not be full blown mumps but just a reaction this can happen sometimes.