To sit in front of people in the cinema?

[Watchagotcha]

We've just got home from seeing the new Star Wars film at the cinema.

It was very quiet, maybe 15-20 people in total. When we arrived there were 2 groups of 3 already seated. The furthest forward ones were maybe 1/3 of the way from the front, in the middle.

DS1 and I wanted to sit a few rows in front of them, also in the middle. We led the way and sat down. DH and DS2 were very uncomfortable about doing so, saying that we shouldn't be sitting in front of people that were already there, that they might be unhappy with us blocking their view etc. I think this is total nonsense: it's a cinema, none of the seats are pre-booked, the people already there are perfectly free to move if they want to - and TBH they really didn't need to, they could see fine. None of us are giants!

DH and his family have form for this, for putting themselves at the bottom of the heap and letting everyone else in first. I've seen SIL clinging onto her son's arm to stop him serving himself at a buffet until everyone else has gone up - even if it means he misses out on the dishes that he likes. Another example: we took our boys for a fishing lesson last summer, and when the time came for all the kids to choose a stool / rod to use, our boys hung back while all the other ran to get the best rods / positions - until there were only the crappiest ones left and they had to share. DS2 in particular seems to freeze and get very uncomfortable when he thinks he might, in some way, be upsetting or putting someone out or causing extra work etc.

It drives me a bit nuts TBH. SIL suffers from such low self-esteem and anxiety, and I think it's directly related to a lifetime of being taught that everyone else is more important than her, that her needs come bottom of the heap. I want to shake her and tell her "You, and your needs / wants, are important too!!" DH tends to be like this too though not as much.

I know there has to be consideration for others, but surely it doesn't mean actively putting yourself last all the time? I'm not advocating pushing to the front at all - that's just as bad for other reasons. But actively standing back every time and letting others go first?

YABU = we should have sat behind the people at the front
YANBU = we were right to choose the seats we wanted and sit in them

You are definitely not being unreasonable it would never occur to me to be annoyed that someone sat in front of me in the cinema (maybe if they were massively tall I'd prefer they didn't sit right bang in front of me if it was an empty cinema).

YANBU of course you can sit anywhere in a cinema. Why would you sit to the sides if there are seats available in the middle plus seats are staggered anyway so it would have to be a really tall person sitting in front to block your view.

I’d also be annoyed that your DH’s thinking seems to be passing onto your sons, of course teach them to be polite and not push in etc but there is a difference between polite and passive.

No, you're not being unreasonable at all.
I would love to be like this.
I'm always the parent that sits near the back at school Nativity (even if I'm one of the first in/ been waiting the longest) as I just don't feel "right" getting the best seats.
No idea where this comes from, but I do have very low self esteem.

you can sit anywhere you like in the cinema, the seats are set out nowadays so that everyone can see. I wouldn't have thought twice about it if I were the people already seated.

Its nice to be considerate of others, some people go too far the other way and it's all about them. I like to think I strike a nice balance.

Unless the cinema has a very poorly executed rake, being a few rows in front will not have affected the other people's view at all.

DH is 6 4 so we will try not to sit directly in front of others.

There is a fine line between thinking of others and screwing over yourself.

Personally I think ywbvvu. Out of the entire cinema why sit in front of people? Would 1 row forward in the middle really have made much difference? And no matter what people say it does obstruct your viewing having someone directly in front of you, I dont know why people would say otherwise!

i do think its slightly odd, yes, to plant yourself deliberately in front of someone else in a near empty cinema.

I could see the point if there was only one group in the cinema and you sat in the row just in front of them, but you say you were a few rows away, so I don’t see a problem with it.

Yanbu to sit where you did. Had you sat bang smack in front of them, when there were other perfectly good seats available, then I'd change my mind.

However had I been with you I'd have complained because I prefer to sit further back, as being too close hurts my neck and eyes, and the sides are better because I don't need to sit next to other people or feel hemmed in.

YANBU.
My parents also brought me up to put everyone else's wants above my own. I'm trying now to re-condition myself to not always put myself last. I can see it also in my eldest daughter so I need to help her have better self esteem too.

I would tend to avoid sitting directly in front of people in a cinema with lots of room. That’s just manners. But with a couple of rows between you it’s pretty silly to imagine you’re going to block their view.

@brummiesue - you clearly misread OPs post. They did sit a few rows in front of them. Not directly in front of them. So not a problem at all.

OP - I wouldn't have batted an eyelid if you did that to me. If you'd have sat right next to me in a virtually empty cinema then i'd have been annoyed. But that's completely fine and YANBU.

oh it was a few rows in front?

sorry imis-read. yeah, that seems perfectly reasonable.

@brummiesue

There were 3-4 rows between us and the nearest group, we were well forward of them.

changed my vote!

You're being totally unreasonable.

A film is best viewed and heard from the middle back rows. In silence, without snacks and drinks, mobile phone lights or anything to detract from the immersive experience of sound and vision that enables true suspension of disbelief. An empty bladder and effective pelvic floor muscles is also non-negotiable.

Yes, I'm a Cinema Nazi

Two rows or more in front is totally fine! You’re not blocking their view at all surely?

It sounds fine to sit where you did, if it was bang in front of people when there was lots of room it would have been weird, but that wasn’t the case.

I don't understand this because our cinemas (odeon and vie and showcase) are all allocated seating?

It sounds fine and I agree it's not healthy to martyr yourself

I would’ve thought you were rude.

Nothing wrong with manners and being polite. It doesn’t mean others are getter more or are more important, just shows a bit of consideration

A few rows separation is fine.

A tall man with big hair and a top hat once sat immediately in front of me in the cinema (no, really).

That was annoying.

Ordinary people sitting a few rows in front of me? Meh. Some people just like to be martyrs.