To sit in front of people in the cinema?

[Watchagotcha]

We've just got home from seeing the new Star Wars film at the cinema.

It was very quiet, maybe 15-20 people in total. When we arrived there were 2 groups of 3 already seated. The furthest forward ones were maybe 1/3 of the way from the front, in the middle.

DS1 and I wanted to sit a few rows in front of them, also in the middle. We led the way and sat down. DH and DS2 were very uncomfortable about doing so, saying that we shouldn't be sitting in front of people that were already there, that they might be unhappy with us blocking their view etc. I think this is total nonsense: it's a cinema, none of the seats are pre-booked, the people already there are perfectly free to move if they want to - and TBH they really didn't need to, they could see fine. None of us are giants!

DH and his family have form for this, for putting themselves at the bottom of the heap and letting everyone else in first. I've seen SIL clinging onto her son's arm to stop him serving himself at a buffet until everyone else has gone up - even if it means he misses out on the dishes that he likes. Another example: we took our boys for a fishing lesson last summer, and when the time came for all the kids to choose a stool / rod to use, our boys hung back while all the other ran to get the best rods / positions - until there were only the crappiest ones left and they had to share. DS2 in particular seems to freeze and get very uncomfortable when he thinks he might, in some way, be upsetting or putting someone out or causing extra work etc.

It drives me a bit nuts TBH. SIL suffers from such low self-esteem and anxiety, and I think it's directly related to a lifetime of being taught that everyone else is more important than her, that her needs come bottom of the heap. I want to shake her and tell her "You, and your needs / wants, are important too!!" DH tends to be like this too though not as much.

I know there has to be consideration for others, but surely it doesn't mean actively putting yourself last all the time? I'm not advocating pushing to the front at all - that's just as bad for other reasons. But actively standing back every time and letting others go first?

YABU = we should have sat behind the people at the front
YANBU = we were right to choose the seats we wanted and sit in them

My parents are like this. They also won't go to any restaurant nicer than, say, Harvester, because they think everyone is staring at them because they "don't belong" there.

I have had to try very hard to not pick up their habits.

DD is like this by nature. She always lets everyone into any queue in front of her etc.

Was frightening recently when we were involved in what we thought was a terrorist incident (it wasn’t it was a fire but still very serious) and I knew if i didn’t go to where she was and make her get out she’d hang back until possibly too late (in the circumstances we thought). Don’t want to say more about this as outing. My point is that there can be serious consequences of being too selfless.

Ywnbu to sit right in front of them if that was the best view.

Ywdnbu to sit a few rows in front, FGS.

@GreenTulips

That's absolutely ridiculous. Their view wouldn't have been impacted at all as OP was a few seats in front of them. You can't possibly expect people to avoid 1/3 of the seating because you got there first.

If people don't want anyone in front of them, then buy all the tickets.

I have no idea why anyone would have a problem with this. You weren't directly in front of them and blocking their view. The seats were available and you sat in them. What is his issue?

@GreenTulips

So what would have been the "considerate" thing to do? Should no-one entering the cinema after that early group sit any further forward and in the middle than they had? We were several rows forward from them, and not blocking their view at all. As it was, several people came and occupied seats in the rows between us and them, so they ended up with people in front of them anyway. Does that mean that all the people sitting in front of them were inconsiderate, because they got to the cinema later?

Maybe GreenTulips didn't RTFT properly.

If it’s a pretty empty cinema so there’s a choice of equally good seats I think it’s a bit rude to sit in the seats in the next row directly in front or to sit directly next to a group already there. But if all the other seats are worse then, of course, you can take the ones that give you the best view. And if it’s not the very next row in front then I don’t think that’s poor form even if you’re the only people there.

Also agree that the low self-esteem is problematic. It isn’t the antidote to parents teaching their kids not to be the ones pushing to the front and not giving a damn about everyone else. You have to value yourself and other people not just other people.

*I meant “isn’t the antidote to parents teaching their kids to be the ones...

if it was bang in front of people when there was lots of room it would have been weird

I've seen people do this, just because that's the number on their ticket. I think it's rude when there are plenty of seats.

YANBU, tho, OP.

If the seats are tiered then it's not an issue.

There is a happy medium between being grabby/selfish and being a mug/doormat. Some people are at one end of the spectrum but most are somewhere in the middle.

We like to go to cinema when it’s quiet. Usually sit towards back. Have no issues with anyone sitting in front of me, providing they are respectful of folks around them........no noisy talking, no banging/ kicking seats, no mobile phones in in use, no noisy bag rattling, slurping or eating.
Last film I saw was Mr Turner, so no children around. Just us in early showing. Plonk.....three adults sat right in front of us. All was fine up to film starting, then adult A proceeded to give a running commentary for adults B and C on the aesthetics of Turner’s paintings. She politely got both barrels.....

Modern cinemas are designed so that this shouldn't be an issue.

Unless one of them is over 7 feet tall they are being ridiculous (and even very tall people seem the same height sitting down)
Cinema seats are designed so that people can see over the heads of the people in front
They need to work on their self confidence

This is fine. If your DH was a basketball player maybe it'd be different, but I doubt even that would be an issue in most tiered cinemas these days.

DH and I went to see Star Wars on Sunday and the cinema had reserved seating. There was a family with kids sat in our seats so we asked them to move. Turns out they had booked the seats directly adjacent to us in a half-empty cinema anyway but liked ours more as they were in the middle. When we booked all the seats in our row were empty, so they had to have seen others were booked there. Now that's a situation where people needed a little common courtesy!

YANBU for sitting where you did, cinemas are designed so people don’t block each other’s views.

And YANBU on the broader point too. It’s nice that they are considerate but you can be considerate without being subservient.

The only way not to have people in front of you is to sit in the front seat. Sitting directly in front of them would have been weird but you didn’t.

You followed the proper etiquette. You sat where you wanted and allowed the other people some space. Martyrs are so tedious.

Don’t let your beef with your SIL make you become obsessed with putting yourself first.

There is a "sweet-spot" area of seats in the cinema where everyone wants to sit - basically pretty much bang in the middle. I think you're quite entitled to sit in any of those seats if they're free, even if there are already people nearby and the entire cinema is otherwise deserted. If people don't want to be sat near other people they need to sit in less popular seats at the front, back or side.

If you were a few rows in front of them and it was an empty cinema then there is no problem. It would have been weird if you had sat directly in front of them in an otherwise pretty empty cinema but in this situation, I can't see the problem.

In regards to letting people go first, people are bloody rude these days, they just pile in to get what they want. I'll usually hold back a bit before diving in but then it gets to a point where no one else is being polite so then I'm like nah f them and dive right in myself.

My DD 2as one of those who would always be the first to grab something. My DS is the exact opposite. It is just their personalities. Nothing wrong with either, they've learned to make due, DD to 3mensure she is still considerate of others needs, DS that it is ok to not always let everyone before him but they will always be much different in that aspects and that's fine.

Think generally it depends how busy the screening is? If there are lots of people in there you'd expect someone to sort in front of you. On the other hand I've been into a screening when we were the only people, another couple have come in just at the end of the trailers and sat in seats directly Infront of ours...I did think that was a bit of a dick move on their part, the rest of the entire screen was empty!