To expect narcissistic family who you have cut off, to not turn up just because it's Christmas?

[christmascats]

I've name changed as I don't want all my old stories to add up and someone recognise me. I need to rant about this because my RL mates don't need this at Christmas and I need it out of my head!

After many years of horribleness, I went NC with my parents and sister at the start of this year. Every story I've ever posted, MN have told me to go NC, as well as in RL. I knew it was what was needed but just took me ages to get over it. Anyway.

Last night, 8pm. DC and I watching TV. All dark and chilled. There was hammering on my door and we ignored it. Wasn’t expecting anyone. Didn’t recognise the car outside. After aggges of hammering they drove off.

Then DM text DD and said your presents are outside so we looked out and they weren’t so DS said he’d go and look outside. DM jumped out from behind my car and tried to run into my house! Actually trying the handle and screaming as I was trying to lock it.

Then she starts screaming through the letterbox and waving her arms through it shouting about needing to see the DC at Christmas, I can't stop her blah blah. I ended up screaming that I was calling the police and she left.

Then she leaves DD a voicemail saying tried to deliver your presents but your mum says you aren't allowed any but you are, so come around and get then whenever you like.

I mean, what kind of Jeremy Kyle shit is this?!

Sounds like you handled it well. Depending on your dd's age, I'd possibly encourage her to block the number or she'll get loads of shitty messages.

How old are your dc? She has no right to see them. Don’t cave. She has behaved appallingly there. What was she expecting, that you’d welcome her with open arms?

Thank you. I'm so annoyed that she ruined our lovely evening. Finished work. Watching a Christmas film with Christmas snacks and we were all really happy. Then I spent the rest of the evening anxious expecting more. I mean this whole drama lasted a good hour as well.

DC are young teens. They initially didn't go NC with me but they saw the increased toxicity as the year went on and decided for themselves, without me saying a word, that they also want NC.

Crikey. That’s really weird and scary!

@Cherrysoup I know. What kind of person hides behind cars and tricks people outside?

@churchandstate I know! I don't open my door at the best of times but in the dark, with an unknown 4x4 at the end of my drive - and the hammering began like that, it wasn't a small knock and hen louder because we didn't answer iyswim.

So both of your parents and your sister are the narcissists and you are the well balanced one?

I'd like to know the back story before I'll say whether or not YABU.

Why would you not answer the door when someone is hammering on it, just because you weren't expecting anyone? That alone makes you sound a bit odd.

Police. Every time they turn up. Change daughter’s number or if she’s too old for that talk with her about what actually happened. Consider non-mil order.

Both my children’s fathers pull similar shot, twisting things around to make me look like the abuser and them the victim. It ended up destroying me and I lost my children.

Don’t let this oxygen thief ruin your mental health.

Christ that's next level nonsense, YANBU to block them on every number you have and continue the NC.

I hope you still manage a lovely, peaceful Christmas. The whole "your Mum says" is vile and they should be ashamed of themselves. But narcissists never are.

Oh my. How horrible! No wonder you’ve cut contact with them. Hugs 🤗

All ideas - to be frank you sound really odd thinking that it’s abnormal to NOT be cautious about hammering on your front door, PARTICULARLY if you’ve put up with the toxic shite of a narc plus flying monkeys. I’d wager you are fortunate enough to have zero idea what it’s like to have this kind of shit in your life for years on end.

Cant possibly imagine why you went NC

I'd like to know the back story before I'll say whether or not YABU.

Doesn't this comprise enough of a back story to know that whatever the history their behaviour wasn't acceptable? Hiding behind bins and trying to run into someone's house? When was that ever an acceptable way to behave?

Then DM text DD and said your presents are outside so we looked out and they weren’t so DS said he’d go and look outside. DM jumped out from behind my car and tried to run into my house! Actually trying the handle and screaming as I was trying to lock it

@AllideasAndNoAction what a horrible insinuation!

DH’s family are all awful, and we’re NC with them. It does happen. Families often create totally toxic environments in which it’s hard for anyone to be ‘balanced’. And yet, he has pulled through it and is a thoroughly decent bloke.

OP- have your children been communicating with your family without your knowledge? This might explain the gifts. Clearly, NC means NC though, even at Christmas

Exactly, Fudge. Completely batshit-side-if-crazytown behaviour from OPs family. I have a toxic person who gave birth to me and even by her standards, this is completely left of field.

Why would you not answer the door when someone is hammering on it, just because you weren't expecting anyone? That alone makes you sound a bit odd.
Perfectly normal reaction, if you grew up with family this unhinged. I never answer the door unless I know who’s there, because I’m afraid it might be my brother.

Sounds like you handled it perfectly. Perhaps your DD needs to block your family at least over Christmas.

And without the backstory, because it was dark, I was home alone (only adult), and there was a strange big car outside??

Get a ring door bell or a spy hole if funds don’t allow.

Not sure that would have helped. I didn't know the friend who was knocking and she was hiding - I wouldn't have answered just the same if I had seen her face.

One of mine tried to get into our flat by getting a neighbour to buzz them in. Sounds similar. Holiday times can be a trigger I guess.

This is all designed to upset you and draw attention to their presence. It’s also designed to mess up your Christmas.

You handled it fine, it was upsetting but now is the time to move on from this nasty incident. Enjoy your Christmas and don’t give them or this further thought. That is what they really want.

Speak as a family, set rules if you can. Know what you are going to do if it happens again. You will feel better and more in control. Have a lovely Christmas.

I have a friend with a family who do unhinged things like this, it's completely unreasonable behaviour and just confirms you are right to be non-contact with them.

Take the chance to talk it through with your DC, about respecting boundaries and what is reasonable. Might end up being a good life-lesson for them on what they shouldn't accept.

Also block your families' numbers on your DC's phones if you've not already.

Good point about the boundaries conversation.