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AIBU?

To not know what to do about mums alcoholism

118 replies

Subeccoo · 24/12/2019 10:33

My mum is an alcoholic, has been all my life.
It's just an accepted part of the family, she drinks too much and that's the way it is.
Various family members myself included have told her and offered support over the years, my brother and I are virtually tee total to present a healthy lifestyle in front of her.
Our dad likes his beer but in no way to the extent and refuses to engage in discussion about it. I pulled him aside recently after a particularly bad episode but he just says she will not see a doctor or give up alcohol.
She is sick, really sick. Her skin is yellow, she eats nothing, her movements are slow.
There seems to be nothing we can do and I don't know what to do about it, I'm convinced she'll die really soon.
Irony is she's drinking very little at the moment, but has a small glass every day.
Has anyone dealt with a family member going through this?
What do you do? Just watch them fucking die?

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Shannith · 31/12/2019 14:52

Oh @Subeccoo I'm so sorry it's gone this way.

You have had good advice. Please take care of yourself. I know it sounds weird but it might help to view this a just that she is ill with another disease.

Let go all the conflicting feelings of anger and guilt about the alcoholism for now.

She is ill, it may not be treatable. I'm so sorry.

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Subeccoo · 31/12/2019 15:11

Mum died this morning. Quickly and peacefully. She's the first close relative I've ever lost. I'm destroyed and it's not remotely sunk in yet.
All the family are here. It's so fucking weird that she isn't, she loves family get togethers Sad

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Fleetheart · 31/12/2019 15:14

I’m so sorry to hear that. Look after yourself now Flowers

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Scorpionica · 31/12/2019 15:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ohwheniknow · 31/12/2019 15:47

I'm so sorry. I wish there was something I could say that would ease the pain you're feeling right now. Sending Flowers and gentleness to you.

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Downton57 · 31/12/2019 16:01

So sorry @Subeccoo. I went through all this with my OH and it was hell. At least your mum died peacefully in hospital with her family around her. Take care of yourself and much love to you and your siblings.

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Ginfordinner · 31/12/2019 16:03

So sorry Flowers
She is at peace now

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Aloe6 · 31/12/2019 16:10

I’m so sorry Flowers

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Dawninglory · 31/12/2019 16:17

Sorry for your loss Subeccoo 🌹

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Junglebells2019 · 31/12/2019 16:18

I am so very sorry for your loss Thanks

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Standstilling · 31/12/2019 16:20

I am so sorry for your loss. Your love for her comes across so clearly in all your posts. You did your best. Flowers

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ellendegeneres · 31/12/2019 16:20

Oh @Subeccoo I am so sorry for your loss.

Please try to remember that this was an illness that was no reflection on you, how much she loved you and the good memories you have of her.

Addiction is such an awful disease and it impacts more than the person addicted as you’ve grown up knowing.

Please try to take comfort from her no longer suffering.

Sending you Flowers

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LittleBearPad · 31/12/2019 16:22

I’m so sorry for your loss.

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colouringinpro · 31/12/2019 16:31

So sorry to hear the news. Sending love and, in time, peace, to you and your family. Flowers

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ElizabethMountbatten · 31/12/2019 16:41

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

TeddybearBaby · 31/12/2019 16:48

I’m very sorry for your loss x

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RandomMess · 31/12/2019 16:49

Thanksso sorry

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Anotherdayanothernight · 31/12/2019 17:41

So sorry to hear, my mil has similar problems so I can relate

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PurpleFrames · 31/12/2019 17:47

I'm so sorry OP
I have been thinking of you ever since you posted.

I pray your mum finds peace in the next life.
(No offence intended)

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Groovee · 31/12/2019 18:40

Much love @Subeccoo x

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CheddarGorgeous · 31/12/2019 21:32

I'm so sorry. There's nothing you could have done. Look after yourself x

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PuntasticUsername · 31/12/2019 21:39

So sorry, @Subeccoo and @ElizabethMountbatten for your losses. Very sad news.

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InAPrettyCabinet · 31/12/2019 22:30

I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. I read your first post but had nothing useful to add. What I felt was that you had done all you could. Sadly your mum just wasn't in a place where she could accept help.

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user1471549213 · 31/12/2019 22:42

I've only just seen this thread for the first time and just wanted to say I'm so very sorry for your loss. But there is nothing more you could have done. We went through exactly the same with my MIL. She refused to admit she had a problem got snotty if we tried to help and unfortunately passed away almost 6 years ago. It's soul destroying. I hope you are your family will be ok and get through this trying time x

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Subeccoo · 31/12/2019 23:19

Hi all and thank you.
It's gonna be a tough new year, dad's already sounding a bit confused etc but I'm sure it's just the shock.
How shit.

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