To never want to sleep with DH ever again?

[Anywhere0but0here]

I have been up since 1am.

He pulls all the covers on or off me.

His boney knees and elbows jab me.

He wakes 3 to 4 times a night to pee.

He snores.

He 'cuddles' me up and falls asleep right by my back so i'm stuck on one side unable to turn cue shoulder pain next day.

He smells of B.O. and stale booze. The bedding smells after he sleeps on it.

I feel his breath on my shoulder which makes me chilly and uncomfortable.

Bristley beard sharp on my shoulder.

He talks gibberish in his sleep.

He kicks his arms and jerks his knees, moves too much.

He sleeps in the middle instead of leaving the middle to turn sides. I have to tell him to move then he sulks and gives the silent treatment.

Takes up too much duvet leaving me with nothing.

The bed is king size with a superkibg duvet.

I hate sleeping together and the way it messes up my sleep i get so crabby from a shitty night's sleep.

He grabs at my body and gropes calling it cuddling up. I sleep naked because its comfortable not because i want sex.

He puts the heating to 23 degrees.

He normally wakes up with 2 alarms at 4am. I need to get up at 6am for work. He leaves the alarms (radio) on while he snoozes. Its at max volume. Doesnt get up and turn it off, no leaves it blasting away while he fake sleeps.

We've been sleeping in separate rooms and he's back in our bed but i really want to kick him out.

I know he is trying to get close to me but all i want is a big, soap smelling guy wearing clean pjs to share the bed fairly, giving me a good night kiss on my forehead before fucking off to the other side of the bed. A guy who doesnt snore, doesnt talk or get up stumbling in the dark tripping on shit and complaining loudly or switching and leaving lights on. Ideally a guy with an amazing internal body alarm.

AIBU to never want to share a bed with him again?!

I think you need a very honest discussion with him about separate rooms going forwards if not separate lives.

I would hate for someone to think of me the way you feel about him. Sounds like you absolutely hate him, and that's not healthy for either of you; and also not a good model for your DC.

You should probably just call it quits on the relationship now, doesn't sound like there is much love going on

I wonder what his list of moans would consist of??

I think you know what you need to do but you're just not ready to live separately. That's fine. I've been there and I get it. Leaving is scary, trusting a somewhat feckless parent to look after the kids well (and look, judging by his thoughtlessness with regards to you he's not exactly a well of empathy and caring is he?) is a leap of faith. It is hard. It is.

But you cannot stay living like this. You will destroy your peace of mind, mental health, all sense of wellbeing - and crushingly, the same will happen to your kids as well. You think you are protecting them by staying, but eventually I concluded it was better for my child to have a safe, peaceful, boundaried loving and clean home with a radiantly happy mother for half the week than not at all. My child has build a good relationship with his Dad and can see through his BS because he has me and my life to contrast it against. If you stay living in the same house your normalise his behaviour and you'll never be really happy. You'll normalise never being really happy or content as well. And your kids will watch and see all this.

It is hard but I think the way forward is clear... however, take your time. Separate bedrooms as a start though, eh? Even Mother Theresa wouldn't put up with that shit.

YADNBU. A smelly man in bed is horrible. That he makes the bedding smell is awful! The groping and snoring sounds unbearable. The thrashing about and noise would make me want to kill him. Move to the spare room permanently and make it a haven for yourself if you must stay. And put a lock on the door.

But does he leave poo crumbs?

As an aside, a super king bed with deep memory foam mattress works wonders. I barely encounter my husband in our vast bed these days. The mattress stops you from rolling into each other.

I’ve not yet met anyone who grew up in a household where their parents couldn’t stand each other who said they thought it was a good thing.

1. separate duvets - in a king
2. separte beds
3. separate rooms

Doesn’t sound right. My favourite place is curled up with dp in bed. Poor u!

I said yabu but only because I feel you need to address these issues instead of seething with resentment. And if you stay with a man you hate for the sake of the children it’s a very damaging childhood you will be giving them.

Don't be selfish. Staying with him will damage your children, and your own mental health will be worse than it would if he had them EOW. Would he even want to have them? A lot of men don't bother, so your fears may be unfounded.

You need to leave him in the new year. In the meantime, get through Christmas, sleep in separate rooms, and in January, go and see a solicitor to start divorce proceedings.

Why do you have to share a bed? One of you should move into the spare room permanently. Give your daytime relationship a chance. A good night's sleep is so important .

Sounds like you hate every single thing about him OP

I think when you actually love someone, you don't mind the gropey cuddles. DH always cuddles up to me in bed, i miss it when he's away. He smells nice tho, and he doesn't have a beard any more (I didn't actually mind terribly when he did, he trimmed it nicely).

OP did you grow up in a house where you were given a double bed to sleep in alone as a teenager? I know a few people who are poor bedsharers generally, all got used to having a double to themselves as teens....

DH otoh regularly shared my tiny single at uni so our king feels huge now

Separate rooms saved our marriage.