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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To never want to sleep with DH ever again?

91 replies

Anywhere0but0here · 24/12/2019 02:11

I have been up since 1am.

He pulls all the covers on or off me.

His boney knees and elbows jab me.

He wakes 3 to 4 times a night to pee.

He snores.

He 'cuddles' me up and falls asleep right by my back so i'm stuck on one side unable to turn cue shoulder pain next day.

He smells of B.O. and stale booze. The bedding smells after he sleeps on it.

I feel his breath on my shoulder which makes me chilly and uncomfortable.

Bristley beard sharp on my shoulder.

He talks gibberish in his sleep.

He kicks his arms and jerks his knees, moves too much.

He sleeps in the middle instead of leaving the middle to turn sides. I have to tell him to move then he sulks and gives the silent treatment.

Takes up too much duvet leaving me with nothing.

The bed is king size with a superkibg duvet.

I hate sleeping together and the way it messes up my sleep i get so crabby from a shitty night's sleep.

He grabs at my body and gropes calling it cuddling up. I sleep naked because its comfortable not because i want sex.

He puts the heating to 23 degrees.

He normally wakes up with 2 alarms at 4am. I need to get up at 6am for work. He leaves the alarms (radio) on while he snoozes. Its at max volume. Doesnt get up and turn it off, no leaves it blasting away while he fake sleeps.

We've been sleeping in separate rooms and he's back in our bed but i really want to kick him out.

I know he is trying to get close to me but all i want is a big, soap smelling guy wearing clean pjs to share the bed fairly, giving me a good night kiss on my forehead before fucking off to the other side of the bed. A guy who doesnt snore, doesnt talk or get up stumbling in the dark tripping on shit and complaining loudly or switching and leaving lights on. Ideally a guy with an amazing internal body alarm.

AIBU to never want to share a bed with him again?!

OP posts:
MiniGuinness · 24/12/2019 03:03

Did you start this thread for people to relate? In an amusing way? Because it wasn’t amusing in the slightest. It was quite chilling. I have a separate room (house) to my DH, for a variety of reasons. BUT I love the bones of him/fancy his pants off. I also know he would never grope me or sulk at imagined slights. Think really hard about whether you want his disgusting arse sharing your life, not just your bed.

TheJesusAndMaryChain · 24/12/2019 03:11

Yuck! Lt(stinky)b 😷😱

And why the hell don't you have spare bedding for the bed Confused

shiveringsparklingtimber · 24/12/2019 03:12

Some of the stuff he does in his sleep so not his fault. But the BO, the sex pestering, the alarm clock/radio... I wouldn't put up with it. Most of all, though, you don't seem to love him at all. So best to call it quits, if you can.

HannaYeah · 24/12/2019 03:47

In fairness, it’s the middle of the night and she’s been woken up. I’d be miserable, too. Not sure that means he has no redeeming qualities or that she despises him.

OP I think you need to address the BO immediately, first.

I read somewhere that liking the smell of your partner was a good predictor of whether a relationship would work or not. Makes sense to me.

Bluerussian · 24/12/2019 03:50

Sleep in another room if you have a spare one. Lots of couples have separate rooms for sleeping and get together for recreation :-).

(I certainly couldn't bear the BO and think you have to address that with him. Blimey we're not living in the post war rationing era where people didn't have adequate heating or hot water without difficulty & some didn't have bathrooms.)

KatherineJaneway · 24/12/2019 03:53

When did he stop washing and taking care of himself?

TheProdigalKittensReturn · 24/12/2019 04:39

The hogging the covers and the jabbing elbows is bad enough, and the groping in the guise of cuddling would get him a sharp elbow in the ribs back from me, but why on earth is he coming to bed stinking of BO? I'd kick him out for that alone, and make any potential return contingent on him never coming to bed without taking a shower first again.

ivykaty44 · 24/12/2019 04:43

I couldn’t be with a person who had smelly personal hygiene

PixieDustt · 24/12/2019 04:58

And why the hell don't you have spare bedding for the bed*

Hmm

The BO needs to be addressed. By the sounds of it he definitely need to shower and brush his teeth before he steps foot in the bed

xJodiex · 24/12/2019 05:05

Yuck, to all of that. I couldn't live with that.

PositiveVibez · 24/12/2019 05:11

I dont sleep there tonight because the bedding in the other room smells of him as hes been sleeping there

It sounds like you really hate his guts.

He sounds like a shit partner. Staying together for the sake of the kids never works.

Your seething resentment of him will be so obvious to the kids and you will be living in a toxic environment, which is unhealthy for everyone concerned.

PapayaCoconut · 24/12/2019 05:42

Your seething resentment of him will be so obvious to the kids and you will be living in a toxic environment, which is unhealthy for everyone concerned.

Yeah. I grew up like this. I remember wishing my parents would divorce. It's hard to feel proud and happy about your family unit when your parents seem to hate it. I always felt that I had a "dirty secret".

SuperMumTum · 24/12/2019 06:13

Been there. The relationship will come to an end sooner or later. The BO isn't great but the problem is that you don't like him.

LagunaBubbles · 24/12/2019 06:20

And you really think letting your kids grow up in this type of environment is better than separating?

JolieOBrien · 24/12/2019 06:21

@Anywhere0but0here

You sound like you don't like him much. My husband snores so sometimes he has to retreat to the spare room because I am constantly kicking him or shushing him. I would try sleeping separately if I was you.

thickwoollytights · 24/12/2019 06:26

I'd rather just co parent in the same house but separately

And how does he feel about that?

PhilCornwall1 · 24/12/2019 06:30

I think you just need to tell him you don't like him anymore and that you aren't going to have any physical contact with him whatsoever.

He may well move out.

JolieOBrien · 24/12/2019 06:31

@PhilCornwall1

Or he might not

PhilCornwall1 · 24/12/2019 07:05

@JolieOBrien

I know.

sandybanana · 24/12/2019 07:33

That relationship sounds shit. It sounds as though you really don't like him at all.

Christmaspug · 24/12/2019 07:34

I’d wear some clothes in bed personally,nothing worse than being groped when your trying to sleep

Straycatstrut · 24/12/2019 07:37

Fgs! YANBU YuckYuckYuck. I used to have the same complaints about my ex and people thought I was joking. I hated going to bed and I couldn't settle.

I'm single now and I don't have much but I do have a brand new (that no man has ever been in) lovely grey teddy fleece bed all to myself. I'm going to wash it now so it's all lovely and fresh for tonight. My room always smells lovely and I sleep like a baby Grin

If you get separate beds that's the start of the end. I'd just evaluate your relationship. Do you want another year of that?

Shoxfordian · 24/12/2019 07:44

It sounds like you should separate but in the short term, sleep in another room

Molly2016 · 24/12/2019 07:49

Can you define separate but permanent sleeping arrangements going forward?
I’d much prefer separate beds. My DH has trouble sleeping and I’m quite often woken up by him going to the loo or trying to read.
He also snores and sleeps in the middle/hogs the duvet. We often joke I’d prefer twin beds and when we have room I might suggest it.
I guess the bigger problem with your DH is the drinking, the hygiene and the groping. Those issues don’t feel so easily fixed.
I do agree with the poster above that continuous sleep deprivation can start to affect your mental health quite negatively.

Branleuse · 24/12/2019 07:50

Can you have twin beds in same room, or a superking memory foam mattress so you dont feel him moving about, and sleep with ear plugs?

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