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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fairness among siblings/step siblings, aibu?

56 replies

User17735356 · 23/12/2019 18:39

I have 2 DC (11, 14) DP has one (5) who comes for some holidays and we have one together (3).

I try to make things as fair as possible. Today for example. DC (11) was playing with our neighbour in the garden. DP said he was going to take the others for a burger and to soft play. I said DC 11 might want to come and that he’d be upset if he hadn’t been given the choice. DP said he was already busy and that it was fair not to take/ask him.

This evening my dads asked to take both older DC to the cinema next week. It’s a 12a so he’s not taking DP’s 5 year old. DP has said that I should take his DC (5) to the cinema too as I’m all about fairness and that he’ll take our 3 year old to the park. I said can’t the little ones both go to the park or play barn and he said no, she needs to go to the cinema too and that I’m a hypocrite.

Aibu?

OP posts:
Bumblebutts · 23/12/2019 18:42

Wtf, your partner is an idiot

Original poster
User17735356 · 23/12/2019 18:44

(Obviously to see a different film)

OP posts:
Pimmsypimms · 23/12/2019 18:53

Hmm, sounds like he gets to dictate what's fair/unfair, depending on what suits him and his dc. Either that or he doesn't want to deal with 2 dcs at the park.
I'd be keeping a close eye on this, don't let him treat your dcs unfairly, they will definitely pick up on it and it'll lead to resentment from your older dcs.

Original poster
User17735356 · 23/12/2019 18:53

How do I turn off the voting? Want to know why I’m Bu!

OP posts:
Original poster
User17735356 · 23/12/2019 18:55

He says I’m picking and choosing! That I made ‘such a fuss’ today about being ‘fair’ and insisting dc (11) was invited for a burger (he Actually didn’t want to go) and now I’m. It being fair towards his child....

OP posts:
Wildorchidz · 23/12/2019 18:57

Do your children like him at all?

Havaina · 23/12/2019 18:58

You’re not BU! Don’t just anything by 1 YABU vote, it might have been pressed by mistake.

Your partner is being an idiot and quite controlling. Tell him to take both kids to the park.

Winterdaysarehere · 23/12/2019 18:58

He can take the younger ones to the cinema.
You need a break from your 5th dc...

Original poster
User17735356 · 23/12/2019 18:59

*not being fair to his child.

I said the two little ones could just go to the park, it doesn’t have to be ‘like for like’.

We are now not speaking.

OP posts:
Original poster
User17735356 · 23/12/2019 19:00

He’s said he’ll take his DC to the cinema if I don’t want to, but seeing as I’m all about fairness then he thought I’d want to...

OP posts:
sophiestew · 23/12/2019 19:00

He sounds like a total dick to be honest....YANBU

Winterdaysarehere · 23/12/2019 19:01

Why not the youngest? Mine went from 2 and sat lovely.

Original poster
User17735356 · 23/12/2019 19:02

It’s a 12a and my dad thought she’d be bored...

OP posts:
Mamawingingit1234 · 23/12/2019 19:05

You’re not being unfair to his child 😒 your 3 yr old also isn’t going to the cinema. It would be the case if everyone but 1 child is being left out of an age appropriate treat as in with the trip to get burgers. There is a big gap between 11 and 5 they can’t always have the same things x

Fr0g · 23/12/2019 19:05

can't both younger children go to the cinema?

Winterdaysarehere · 23/12/2019 19:06

Dh can take younger 2 to an age appropriate film I meant...

LittleOwl153 · 23/12/2019 19:06

I'd say he can take both the younger ones to the cinema if he is so bothered. Would the 5yr old even want to go? Seems he doesn't like your dad doing something for your kids but not his - when in reality three 5yr old is not his grandchild!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 23/12/2019 19:07

I’m with your DH, you insisted your child was included on an invite earlier today but now don’t see the unfairness if you exclude his child from an outing. Either all get invited (they may not want to) or none.

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/12/2019 19:07

He’s a twat. You and your DC deserve way way better. Did you remind of his choice earlier?

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/12/2019 19:08

you insisted your child was included on an invite earlier today

Well he didn’t agree then so he can’t have it both ways.

Original poster
User17735356 · 23/12/2019 19:09

. It would be the case if everyone but 1 child is being left out of an age appropriate treat as in with the trip to get burgers.

Well that’s what I said, he said the 5 year old is old enough and has been before and she loves the cinema but that 3 year old is too young.

OP posts:
Original poster
User17735356 · 23/12/2019 19:10

It’s doing my fucking head in 😣

OP posts:
Original poster
User17735356 · 23/12/2019 19:12

Earlier he got annoyed because my 14 year old was in our bedroom helping me wrap presents. He said that it should be a child free zone and really doesn’t want any kids in there.

OP posts:
AlexaAmbidextra · 23/12/2019 19:13

Sounds like you’re dealing with five children. ☹️

Wildorchidz · 23/12/2019 19:16

Why do you tolerate him treating your children badly?

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