Fairness among siblings/step siblings, aibu?

[User17735356]

I have 2 DC (11, 14) DP has one (5) who comes for some holidays and we have one together (3).

I try to make things as fair as possible. Today for example. DC (11) was playing with our neighbour in the garden. DP said he was going to take the others for a burger and to soft play. I said DC 11 might want to come and that he’d be upset if he hadn’t been given the choice. DP said he was already busy and that it was fair not to take/ask him.

This evening my dads asked to take both older DC to the cinema next week. It’s a 12a so he’s not taking DP’s 5 year old. DP has said that I should take his DC (5) to the cinema too as I’m all about fairness and that he’ll take our 3 year old to the park. I said can’t the little ones both go to the park or play barn and he said no, she needs to go to the cinema too and that I’m a hypocrite.

Aibu?

I agree with him its just a shame he has put it across in a dickish way. 11yr old should have been invited and 5 and 3yr old should get a cinema trip. Took my 3yr old to see Frozen 2 she loved it. Its hard having a blended family and its not clear how much you kicked off about the 11yr old not being invited. I would lwt it go unless its happening more regularly than this.

He sounds like a deliberately goady twat.

It's a 12a film. Your parent is taking the 2 he can manage, if your husband wanted fairness in this matter he should ha e taken the 11 year old for burger. He can't expect fairness for his child and not yours. Also if he is going to the park then it makes more sense to take the 5 year old to the park instead of a 12a film which might be too old for them. You have a dh Problem

When you or your his and are doing an activity with the kids, then yes be fair. This is different as it's their grandad taking them out. Does your partners parents take your older kids out for treats.
And what the hell nonsense is this about keeping the bedroom kid free. I have 2 kids and they like to join for a cuddle sometimes. I think it's weird to restrict the kids coming I to the bedroom.
Your partner is being stupid and difficult and obtuse and Controling. Also he wasn't just going to soft play he was treating 3 out of 4 kids to burgers but for a stupid reason leaving out the 11 year old. In our house we don't leave out one kid from food while treating the others to food, that's mean. And you let him get away with that crap

OP, you don’t have control over your DF’s invitation, as your partner is well aware. Both sets of kids are allowed to be taken out by their respective GPs. As a PP suggested, I’d try to let it blow over and then have a separate conversation to set family rules for inclusion. Just wait till after Christmas, and then tell him you’ve been thinking about what he said and you’d really like his input to set down some reasonable guidelines, together, so everything is actually fair. Those things can be important when blending families.

He seems unpleasant to me.
The 11 year old was only in the garden, there was no reason not to at least offer the activity everyone else was doing and that they frequently do together.. Re the cinema, it is a grandparent taking two children out to something for them. Teens often go to the cinema without much younger siblings. If he wants the 5 year old to have a cinema trip he can organise one. The two situations are NOT commensurate and he is trying to make you feel bad.
Also, wow at child-free bedroom with a 14 year old helping their Mum in there in the daytime...sheesh. If he wants privacy that much he didn’t have to move in with a woman with kids!