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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DM left DC on their own

66 replies

shoebedobedobedobedoo · 23/12/2019 11:43

DM was looking after DC (8&6)this morning. I turned up to collect them earlier than expected and she had gone out to walk the dog, leaving them to watch TV. It’s a 20 minute walk and she can’t see her house for 90% of the walk. She lives in the countryside, has no direct neighbours - neighbours are all all a field away. I said I didn’t think this was OK (DH and I never leave DC) and she defensively told me that I was over reacting and ‘thousands of 8 year olds walk home from school and let themselves in every day’. AIBU?

OP posts:
TheReluctantCountess · 23/12/2019 11:45

That’s not ok. Please never let her look after them again.

AutumnRose1 · 23/12/2019 11:45

well, it's not my understanding of "watching the children".

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 23/12/2019 11:45

I might have considered leaving a VERY mature 8 year old for that long, if they had a bad cold, maybe, and the dog REALLY needed a run. A 6 year old, not in a million years.

formerbabe · 23/12/2019 11:46

If they were old enough to be left alone you wouldn't need her to look after them....yanbu!

crochetandshit · 23/12/2019 11:47

I'd have taken them without leaving a note and waited for the phone call.

Hont1986 · 23/12/2019 11:49

Wouldn't bother me if the door was locked.

Mrsjayy · 23/12/2019 11:49

Well if thry were old enough you wouldn't have asked for a baby sitter. Thousands of 8 year olds letting themselves in Confused

VimFuego101 · 23/12/2019 11:51

DS is 8 and it would have to be a VERY dire emergency to make me consider leaving him alone for a few minutes - he's just not mature enough to think clearly if an emergency happened. Absolutely no way I could ever leave him in charge of a 6yo too.

GruciusMalfoy · 23/12/2019 11:51

Is wouldn't do this or be happy with anyone else doing it.

TrifenyMarlowe · 23/12/2019 11:53

It's entirely dependent on the child, you'll know yours best. My parents left me for 5-10 min for the shop In an emergency but it was on the same road, shop owner and neighbours knew each other, and I was an extremely, extremely mature child, it was silly how rule driven I already was at that age, 8 going on 88 Grin my brother, however, well, if you left him at 12 you'd probably risk the house burning down within 5 minutes! Same upbringing, same environment, genders treated the same... But he was always (still is) the type to turn on the oven then wander away forgetting about it.

So your mum might not be wrong 100% of the time but the context (not within sight, not being super mature, for that length of time etc)... I think she was out of order. And anyway, she shouldn't be making those types of parenting decisions without checking with you imho.

Yanbu.

RhinoskinhaveI · 23/12/2019 11:56

That she was defensive tells you she knows she's in the wrong

MillicentMartha · 23/12/2019 12:00

That’s all kinds of wrong. Not a decision you should make when looking after someone else’s children. I would leave DS3 age 8 with DS1 who was 12 for 1/2 hour, but an 8 and 6 yo? Shock

Natsku · 23/12/2019 12:00

While I would happily leave my own at those ages it is absolutely unacceptable for her to make that decision without asking you. She's not the parent, she doesn't get to decide when they are ready to be left alone.

Mamabear88 · 23/12/2019 12:03

YANBU. It's one thing popping out to the shop for 5 minutes to grab a pint of milk. 20 minutes is a long time if anything were to happen. I wouldn't be happy. They're your kids, your rules, end of. If she can't respect them she can't be trusted to watch your DC.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/12/2019 12:05

What a ridiculous excuse. Echoing what others are saying - If you were ok for them to be left alone, you would not have asked her to look after them. I think I would say your mother can no longer babysit.

SunshineAngel · 23/12/2019 12:07

Perhaps some 8yos do walk to and from school, but that would be the decision of the chid's parents to make, not the grandmother.

If you do not like them left in a house on their own, that's that. She should respect that.

SunshineAngel · 23/12/2019 12:07

*child's, sorry.

MrsBricks · 23/12/2019 12:08

I would probably have been fine with a 20 minute dog walk if I had been told in advance.

MrsT1405 · 23/12/2019 12:12

Why could the children not go on the walk with the dog? I would have taken the children straight home and wait.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 23/12/2019 12:18

I’d be furious and they would never be left alone with her again. If old enough to be left you wouldn’t have needed to ask her to babysit in the first instance.

thirstyformore · 23/12/2019 12:22

Not acceptable. We started to leave our (very mature) DD from around 8.5 for 10 mins max. We'd now leave her by herself for up to an hour (she's nearly 11).

But we wouldn't leave DS 6 by himself or with his big sister. Far too young, and not fair on the older one if anything were to happen. An 8 year old cannot be expected to deal with themselves and a sibling in an emergency.

Winterdaysarehere · 23/12/2019 12:23

I don't even leave my 11 to home alone.
The film would have nothing on his likely antics....

If1knewiwouldnotbehere · 23/12/2019 12:24

I think an 8 year old and a 6 year old can be left togetehr for 20 minutes.

I don't think your 8 year old and your 6 year old can be left together for any amount of time. She needs to abide by your rules. My mum always gets defensive when she has breached my rules and been caught out. Ignore that, and know you are doing what is right for your family.

Whatever she may have done 25 years ago is irrelevant.

Motoko · 23/12/2019 12:25

YANBU OP.

Did she leave you alone in the house at that age?

RhinoskinhaveI · 23/12/2019 12:25

I feel the central issue is that she does not respect your authority as a parent OP