DM left DC on their own

[shoebedobedobedobedoo]

DM was looking after DC (8&6)this morning. I turned up to collect them earlier than expected and she had gone out to walk the dog, leaving them to watch TV. It’s a 20 minute walk and she can’t see her house for 90% of the walk. She lives in the countryside, has no direct neighbours - neighbours are all all a field away. I said I didn’t think this was OK (DH and I never leave DC) and she defensively told me that I was over reacting and ‘thousands of 8 year olds walk home from school and let themselves in every day’. AIBU?

They are your children and she should really respect your parenting; I would be annoyed. I guess if it hadn't come up before I can see why she thought it would be okay if it's something she did when you were young, but as soon as you told her how you felt, she should have respected that.

Also, why didn't she take the children out to walk the dog with her? That seems like a lovely activity to do with them, especially if she's in the countryside.

Whether YABU depends on whether the subject had come up before. If she knows you don't leave them alone then she shouldn't have done it when she was in charge of them. If she didn't know that, then it wasn't wrong of her to default to how she brought you up and what feels reasonable to her.

I wouldn't say it was obviously wrong of her to leave children of this age alone under the circumstances. Depending on their maturity, it's something I might well do. But you're the parent and she needs to let you make these decisions.

Parents used to do this back in the day, now it's become unacceptable to do it as society has regarded children has less and less capable to look after themselves.

I wouldn't be bothered, it was only 20 minutes, I doubt she went far.

She knows we don’t leave them. We haven’t had an explicit conversation about it, but it honestly didn’t occur to me that we needed to. DB and I weren’t left alone (in the same house!!) at 8&6. I think she may have started leaving us when I was 10. As per my pp she seems to have rationalised her decision by deeming her home a safer place to live than ours (and there are no reasons why it would objectively be safer). It’s the latest in a few incidences which given us concern. We just think she underestimates risk and simply can’t see what might go wrong. We’re a bit sad about it, because otherwise she is a wonderful granny.

Show her this thread

I don’t think it matters what other people do with their dc. If you aren’t happy for your dc to be left on their own, they shouldn’t be left. My cut off for my dc has always been year 4. I have one with an August birthday so was only just 8 and one with an autumn birthday, so they were actually 9 before I left them. But we’ve put thought in to the decision, made plans about what to do in an emergency, they know how to work the phones, left numbers etc etc. I would have been livid if my dm had left my dc without my permission. I also think leaving an 8 year old with the responsibility of a 6 year old is too much and I wouldn’t be happy with that either.

In our school it is Year 5+ that are allowed to walk home alone, so from age 9. Also, it sounds like your mum did not take her mobile with her, give them the number and show them how to call it from her landline. My children (who are older than yours) had to pass this test before I would leave them home alone.

Maybe granny needed a quick 20 minutes to herself with the dog after being trapped in the house with a 6 and an 8 year old. Why would you leave two children that age with someone who lives in the countryside and not provide the means for them to have a run outside??? If they have to have wellies to go outside then make sure they have them surely?? I'm rather baffled.

Schools won’t release 8 and 6 year olds to walk home alone

I don't know any schools that let 6 years old keacexalone but lots that let 8 year olds leave alone. It's a funny thing with lots of regional/neighbourhood differences. I would have left mine but I'm urban so not so isolated.

@Dontfucking have you ever forgotten anything? They have wellies, that live at granny’s house.....but for some reason this morning they were at ours. They play outside all the time at her house.

@justmyview I won’t show her the thread, that would just totally piss her off! I’m aware that sometimes I can be a drama queen, and I was just trying to gauge how big of an issue this is. She has said she won’t do it again.....but there will be something else and you can’t write a rule book for things you think are relatively common sense!

What are you baffled about Duck there is nothing baffiling about this granny thought illnot take the kids i offered to look after ill leave them at home they will be finnee !

Ah your name is Don'tfuckingsaycheese sorry

Not her call, clearly. But it's a shame that this kind of thread has a tendency to degenerate into competitive infantilising. For me 6 and 8 is too young but I can see others may make a reasonable alternative decision - as people say it'd be v normal in many European countries. I'm in the UK and will leave my 11, 9 and 6yo for up to 20 mins to nip to the shops. The 9yo I'll leave for half an hour alone and 11yo for up to 3 hours. That's well within the bounds of normal where I live (and yes, our school releases 8yos to walk home alone).

A 6 year old? no way!!!
A 8 year old alone- probably not, but wouldnt judge if someone else did.
An 8 year old under the supervision of a teenager is fine

Absolutely no way would i have left my two at that age and they are both sensible kids .In my eyes too much can happen , you can say oh it only 20mins in that 20 mins one those children could fall etc you are then expecting a 8yr old or a 6 yr old to know how to react .We are rural village too our's was secondary age when they were allowed to stay on their own ie come in from school before me and dh get in from work .but we have excellent neighbours who have always said to DC there ever a worry knock straight on their door .Yabnu op she would not be having my DC's alone again .

She is being VVU to make non emergency parenting decisions regarding their safety on your behalf.