To think this is rude?

[pumpandthump]

I know I'm not bu but don't know what to do about it.

In laws coming to us for Christmas, PIL arriving tomorrow late afternoon and leaving after breakfast on boxing Day. All good. SIL, was invited and said she was coming however despite repeated requests from me, DH and PIL has not told us when she's arriving, whether she'll be staying, whether she is bringing her new partner. I just think it's rude. I don't know whether to set up a second guest room or how much food and drink to buy for Christmas Eve or boxing day.

Any suggestions as to what I do? I don't want to buy food that then gets wasted and don't want to put the kids to bed Christmas Eve to find she turns up at 9pm and I have turf out one of them and make up a guest bed!

Ring her direct ?

I'd message SIL and say "I need to know for certain by whether or not you will be staying, what time you're arriving, and whether you're bringing because I need to go food shopping and I need to know whether to make up the guest bed."

Or put DH on the case, they're his family.

Awwww, she wants you all on tenterhooks waiting for her arrival.

Makes her feel special.

"Since we haven't heard from you we ha e assumed you won't be joining us. Have a lovely Christmas and hope to see you in the New Year. "

And don't cater for her.

In complete agreement with dancemom

Phone her. But one person more or less wont make all that much difference to how much food and drink you buy surely?
If she arrives after DC are in bed she can sleep on the floor/sofa.

Get your DH to send @dancemom's message!

Don't wake anyone up!! If she shows, say you assumed she wasn't coming, hope she brought a sleeping bag for the floor.

Yes, very rude but don't turf the kids out if she turns up late. The problem with not buying food for her is that if she does turn up evey one else will feel awkward and just make sure she gets some of theirs. I like the suggested message earlier.

Don't do anything for her and if she turns up at 9pm when the kids are in bed tough for her she sleeps on the sofa and maybe next time she will answer

Agree with @dancemom she’s left it way to late! Not to mention she’s being rude.

Why wouldn’t you just call her and ask? All this handwringing over whether she’s coming or not!

QOD yes, we (me, DH and PIL) have called her and spoken to her face to face.

MrsJoshNavidi one person for one day won't, but 2 people for 3 days will! We have absolutely no idea if she'll turn up tomorrow morning, on Christmas day itself or how long she'll stay for. Or if she's coming alone or with her partner. It's 1/3 more if they come, which is quite a bit!

Thanks dancemom we had thought of that but wondered if it would be a bit harsh!

I'll always welcome anyone on Christmas day, I just like a day or 2s notice.

@NoSauce we HAVE ring her. We've seen her and spoken to her face to face. She just been really evasive and says she'll let us know nearer the time. DH rang her yesterday, she said she'd check with partner and get back to him last night. Still no answer.

Well if you won’t be harsh to her then what else can you do? She is being epically rude to you.

Stop being a doormat.

Why didn’t you say so OP?!

Miniloso that's why I'm here, wondering if being harsh is ok. Appears it is.

If you’ve rang her and spoken to her face to face and she’s still not given you a direct answer then you take it that’s she not coming. Put it out of your head now.

She’s not coming, she’s just too scared to say for some bizarre reason 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ok. So DH had put on the family WhatsApp group

Morning. Off to do the final shop for Christmas. G can you tell me now what time you and F are arriving and if you are staying for boxing day. If I don't hear from you by 10 Ill assume you aren't coming anymore and won't cater for you two, hopefully see you at some point over the festive period. X

I'd send exactly what dancemom said.

Well, she's read the message. PIL have replied asking for us to add a couple of bits to the shopping list and saying they hope she's coming but if not to have a lovely Christmas and does she want to collect her presents before they set off for us tomorrow if she's not coming.

Her lack of manners and respect are astounding OP...very rude. She will come probably and make a right song and dance over it. Over cater would be my suggestion and plan for her coming ....that way you will be not wrong footed by her.

Well handled Op!

Some people are just evasive and no amount of direct questioning will get a definite answer.

There’s usually a reason/chain to this behaviour though. SIL DP might be evading her so she’s waiting for an answer from him before telling you. I had an ex like that once and drove me crazy. However I would always RSVP for myself and tell him ‘You’re either in the car when I leave or you’re not coming’- he tried to say this was ‘controlling’ but his lack of willingness to arrange times/plans ruined everyone else’s occasions!

WorldsOnFire she's never hosted anything before so I just don't think she has any idea the organisation that goes in to having people over for something like Christmas.

The partner is new, we haven't met him yet, but she tends to jump in to relationships with both feet so knew she'd want to spend Christmas with him so invited him to. No idea whether he wants to come!