To think this is rude?

[pumpandthump]

I know I'm not bu but don't know what to do about it.

In laws coming to us for Christmas, PIL arriving tomorrow late afternoon and leaving after breakfast on boxing Day. All good. SIL, was invited and said she was coming however despite repeated requests from me, DH and PIL has not told us when she's arriving, whether she'll be staying, whether she is bringing her new partner. I just think it's rude. I don't know whether to set up a second guest room or how much food and drink to buy for Christmas Eve or boxing day.

Any suggestions as to what I do? I don't want to buy food that then gets wasted and don't want to put the kids to bed Christmas Eve to find she turns up at 9pm and I have turf out one of them and make up a guest bed!

Do your Christmas Day as if she isn’t coming. If she turns up great but if she doesn’t you won’t have missed out on anything you wanted to do.

She’s waiting for a better offer to materialise

My goodness-you’re all pandering to her!!

At least you know for next year - tell her your plans, ask for hers, give a cut off date a few days before Xmas and say if you haven’t heard you’ll count her out. Then decline any last minute changes, and enjoy your Christmas!
Your DH sounds great at dealing with her, taking responsibility for his own family, and making the annoying phone calls. Having an on-side DH is priceless in these kind of situations!

Houseinafield he's great. He does all the present shopping for his side, the kids stockings and he's doing the big shop and cooking Christmas dinner!

Just have your response ready in case she decides on the day not to do the drive back and stay at the last minute.

Christmas is for children. Focus on making it fun for the 4 year-old and open presents when it suits your DC.

Since your DSIL might a) not come at all (with or without giving you much notice) or b) get delayed or c) decide to stay the night after all or d) cut her visit short because of traffic / weather / drama from her new partner, just plan the day as if she isn't coming but set a place for her and be ready and welcoming if she shows up.

Do not make the day all about her. She's an adult, yes?

Jesus why has she been asked so many times! I'd have binned off her invite long ago. And I certainly wouldn't allow anyone to wait for HRH to rock up on Christmas Day before present opening.

She's clearly waiting for new boyfriend to ask her to spend Christmas with him. He clearly hasn't asked!

I very much doubt she's only going to stay for dinner with you after a 4-hour drive... unless of course she's planning to be back at home and available if new boyfriend calls.

I'd be prepared for her to stay overnight...

Appallingly rude.

Best way to handle this type of behaviour is to send a message at exactly when it suits you to know for sure "haven't heard from you, take it we won't be seeing you, have a good one". Sorted.

I cannot bear inconsiderate people, whom think the whole world is waiting for them.

Christmas is more than one person.

The person who is hosting gets to decide all of this stuff as far as I'm concerned re present opening, serving up time etc.

If you don't like it...go elsewhere. 👍

Did she grace you with her presence?

LutherRalph1 she did, and she brought presents for the kids, lowered herself enough to talk to me and was civil throughout. Left early evening.