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AIBU?

Have you ever had every Xmas day a perfect one or even just ONE ?

80 replies

Daffodil55 · 22/12/2019 12:22

It is rather sad to read all the threads about stressful Xmas days and meals etc. plus the gift giving and receiving which is far from wonderful.The relatives we invite or attend their homes because we don't want to offend but all the while knowing we will be looking forward to the time to put coats on and say goodbye etc. etc.

I could drone on but will not but this is to ask has anyone had the perfect Xmas day with company they adore, without a single moan or gripe? Has anyone EVER had a bad Xmas day/Boxing day? Or are some lucky souls here blessed with only blissful memories of unrivalled pleasure and chocolate box type days?

This is a serious question and no other agendas here. I have not had any horrendous Xmasses but a few which had I known how they would be I may have said sorry I can not make it.

On 25th I was planning to be all alone and just wallow in the peace and quiet, pure selfish indulgence re television and food choices and as much of all that as I wanted. I have been invited somewhere I have not had a Xmas before and it is a family member and her partner, along with one other relative. I can not see how it could possibly be anything other than lovely (no small children around as in the past I have been exhausted by the monopoly they force on the room) so I am very much tempted to say yes.

I had my fair share of noisy Xmasses with frizzy hair and flushed face due to the time spent in the steamy kitchen and have yet to possess a memory of the ideal.... dressed in sparkle and sipping cocktails while everything just miraculously appears served hot and displayed to perfection.

It is time for me now, selfless for years but now enjoying a tiny bit of selfish.

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lifeisgoodagain · 22/12/2019 14:12

I've had good ones but others are more stressful - this year will be interesting as it's the first year since exh left!

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ChristmasCroissant · 22/12/2019 14:13

Yes we've had nice Christmases and I don't think we are in the minority. I was ill once as a kid and remember opening my presents in bed!

I'm sure they didn't all look like the ones in a TV ad though.

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BeyondMyWits · 22/12/2019 14:14

I had one hooked up to a morphine drip in hospital after being knocked down by a car on Christmas Eve. Didn't really care if it was perfect, and to be fair don't really remember if it was or not... was certainly less work than usual

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CatInTheDaytime · 22/12/2019 14:15

Never! And then I wonder why I find it stressful :o This thread has mad me think and no it has always, always involved having to spend it with someone I don't like or who adds stress, having to deal with people who aren't happy with this or that, and/or being taken for granted and having to cope with everything unfairly.

Now I'm separated so in theory I would get some Christmases on my own and I think I'd love that (I'm an introvert and wouldn't be sad about it at all). But in reality, the DC relationship with their dad is a bit tricky and we don't do alternating christmases. Instead we see him on the day and it's polite but strained.

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missmouse101 · 22/12/2019 14:17

It's just Christmas day, it certainly doesn't have to be
'perfect'. They've been ok, can't really remember each one tbh. I think your expectations are completely OTT if you want perfection.

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CosmoK · 22/12/2019 14:18

Christmas is always a fabulous time for us. We don't do stress and have a positive outlook on life which helps. So Christmas might not always be perfect but it's always enjoyable.

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IamPickleRick · 22/12/2019 14:20

I’ve had some terrible Christmas’s. Beans on toast for Xmas dinner. So I am kind of grateful for anything these days, the bar is set low! Haha! I make everything as perfect as it can be and I try not to sweat the rest!

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cheesenpickles · 22/12/2019 14:21

Every single one has been brilliant. Even the ones where I had food poisoning and had to go back to bed, or when we ordered a ready cooked turkey living in Thailand it came covered in a weird star anise plum glaze that was utterly foul. The weird Christmas presents that we laugh at now and the one where everybody was so ill my mum sat down and had Christmas dinner with just the dog wearing a paper hat and his own plate at the dinner table. Even when things we're shit Christmas always feels awesome.

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belay · 22/12/2019 14:21

I would love just one Xmas day with my little family . My husband , my son and me .

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bumblingbovine49 · 22/12/2019 14:21

I'd say most of.my 54 Christmases have been fine to lovely. Almost never have they been terrible. Sometimes a bit stressful but usually much better in reality than I sometimes fear.

My worst was about 25 years ago when my mother was obvious coming to the end of her ability to cook for Christmas but wouldn't let anyone else cook in her kitchen. Since hers was the biggest house, I said we should gather they but go to lunch at a local restaurant.. In those days eating out at Christmas was much less common than now..I found a good Italian restaurant and booked ( and paid). but they later said hey they were going to close on Xmas day after all so referred up to another restaurant.

The food was not great unfortunately and my father and the children spent the whole.time complaining about the food as my mother was a blindingly good cook and Christmas food was always a big thing at out House so everyone was disappointed.
I get really upset as I had paid for.most of.it and it was not cheap. My mother however confided to me later that it had been her best least stressful Christmas ever 😄

It so serv d a purpose in breaking the long tradition of out usual Christmases . After that my mother let us share the cooking and people cared less if the food wasn't quite as good a my mother's would have been , so it served a purpose.

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bumblingbovine49 · 22/12/2019 14:24

Even the one where D's was in hospital with meningitis until Christmas eve turned.out ok in the end . We stayed home.which was nice and are ready food from.m & s for 3 days

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Whatsername177 · 22/12/2019 14:26

Yes. Because I don't ramp it up that much in my head that it fails to meet expectations. I've just enjoyed lovely days and been lucky enough not to have something awful happen.

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ffswhatnext · 22/12/2019 14:26

Apart from when I've been ill or when I was in contact with the family they've been fabulous.
No stress, no inviting people because of expectations/traditions.
No one person doing everything.
Totally relaxed and if you want to stay in your pj's all day, you can and we often do, even with company.
Lots of laughter. Kids allowed to be kids, and if they've got a bit too much energy we took them to the park.
Everyone in the local pub for a couple of drinks.
Dinner is ready when it's ready. Or when the takeaway drivers show up.

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U2HasTheEdge · 22/12/2019 14:30

I have had some bad ones.

The worst was when my children had recently lost their dad to cancer. The other was when we spent most of Boxing day evening up the hospital with my husband who was in MH crisis. I worked last Xmas day so that was crappy.

I have lovely Christmas memories as a child. It was the one day a year that my dad was nice to us and made an effort to talk to us.

I have never had a perfect Christmas. My husband usually ends up drinking a bit too much and annoys me with his undying love for everyone. I will argue with my sister at some point. My children will argue with each other.

However, I don't expect a perfect Christmas and I am just happy to be spending it with people I love this year, despite the fact my husband will get too drunk and my sister will annoy me at some point. It is just a day and I have learnt to keep my expectations real.

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WildRosie · 22/12/2019 14:31

The most memorable good Christmas I've had was 1993. No stress, bad temper, ill-feeling. All good. A watershed, if you will. The following year it all went to ratshit on Christmas Eve. I haven't celebrated Christmas since then.

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drspouse · 22/12/2019 14:38

I'd say my best Christmas day ever was spent on a tropical holiday in a tiny pension with just DH. We did a sunset cruise and chose chicken for dinner because they didn't do turkey. Christmas Eve was bigger though and we went to the heaving and slightly hilarious but moving midnight mass.
And another one that was just lovely was spent in a very hot rural hut in Africa. The tin roof church with the 2 hour service was trying but The Messiah on a solar powered tape deck was perfect.
It's not a mistake I don't think that they were both not in the UK so the expectation that you adhere to perfect traditions isn't there.

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notsohippychick · 22/12/2019 14:42

Last year was pretty good. I finally stopped drinking booze after a bit of a problematic relationship with it and didn’t drink at all last Xmas (still don’t)

It made for a lovely day with my family. Enjoyed it a lot and made me realise I can have fun without booze.

My kids loved it and have really fond memories of that year. Xx

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BillywigSting · 22/12/2019 14:47

My Christmas's up until I was about 12 when my parents divorced were amazing.

We'd all pile to my granny's house and the grown ups would get pleasantly merry in one room while me and my four cousins (we are all close in age) would all play with our new presents in another, with a bit of milling about between the two, lots of delicious food, a few games etc. It was pretty idyllic.

Then came the barbed comments at my df, the slightly strained atmosphere, etc.

A couple of years later came the endless questioning about my school work and exams, then later jobs etc. Once I was no longer a child these people had nothing to do with me apart from birthdays and Christmas.

It all felt very intrusive and as if I was a great disappointment (because I didn't have a job and took an extra year to do my a levels, never mind the fact that one of my best friends was diagnosed with cancer while I was studying, my nana on the other side of the family died, I split up with my boyfriend of two years and my dad had to sell my childhood home all in the space of about 8 months when I was 17. So I didn't pass my first year of a levels, because I spent most of it crying, or trying very hard not to cry).

Then it was OK for a couple of years until the year I had ds when my mil behaved abominably, and the following four years there was some sort of drama from either my dm or my mil.

Last year there was no drama and they appeared to have both wound their necks in and then poof, my grandad died the day after new year.

The whole saga has put something of a dampener on my Christmas spirits to say the least.

If ds wasn't so young I would probably be volunteering to work it. I do have high hopes for this year. Better to be pleasantly surprised than bitterly disappointed.

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Traintrackmad · 22/12/2019 14:49

I always hope for a perfect Christmas and was hoping this year would be it. I have been so organised this year, which is really lucky, because we seem to have been struck down with a stomach bug and have all been really poorly. We have so many plans for the next few days and I’m so sad that we are t going to be able to do it all.
In the past we have had seriously ill relatives, parents dying, moving house, pets dying, dh working, dh in Afghanistan (Military), drains overflowing and Severn Trent refusing to come out.
I don’t remember stressful Christmas’s as a child, but then I don’t think my dc would think they have had bad Christmas’s, it’s only me who remembers the difficult bits. They remember the traditions that we have and all the good stuff that we invariably still do with them.

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BillywigSting · 22/12/2019 14:52

@belay as would I, and all of the drama llamas to just back off!

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DinosApple · 22/12/2019 14:56

I'm very fortunate in that all Christmas's in my childhood and until I left home were lovely, lots of food, extended family and games (not monopoly ).

Since I've been adulting the pressure is on me, but I still love it, (and keep it simple!). The only one that was terrible was when MIL had a stroke Christmas Eve. But Christmas didn't matter iykwim, the DC got us through the day, but it didn't matter that the turkey was dry and we forgot the pigs in blankets.

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pumpandthump · 22/12/2019 14:59

I'm 36. I can count on one hand the Christmas days which WEREN'T perfect - 1, we had frozen loo, 2, I had norovirus, 3, my grandad was taken to hospital, 4, we had to do a 3 hour drive on Christmas day. 2 of those I was a child, 2 I was an adult. And even those, I've had to struggle to remember and they weren't horrendous, the good definitely outweighed the bad - on the one with the frozen loo, it was because we had 5ft of snow and built snowmen and went sledging whilst Christmas dinner was cooked.

I love Christmas and don't find it stressful.

Obviously not every single moment of every Christmas day has been totally perfect, but overidingly they have been wonderful and amazing days. I've been very lucky.

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MakeItRain · 22/12/2019 15:12

I've always enjoyed my Christmases but I don't expect a "perfect day" with me sashaying around in a cocktail dress and the meal just "happening". The last few years have been the lovely/special 6 am wake ups with my 2 opening stockings on my bed. We tend to have quiet Christmases with just 2 or 3 close family guests. Maybe it's why they've always been argument free. I also save up all year so I can splash out on things the children really want, so they're generally pretty happy and occupied all day with their gifts.

I do occasionally see massive festive occasions on FB with perfectly laid tables all ready the night before, and wonder if I ought to be aiming for that. But the thought is usually fleeting and doesn't deter me from my relatively calm ones.

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Ginfordinner · 22/12/2019 16:03

From reading so many Christmas threads on here I realise just how lucky I am that none of our relatives are toxic, selfish arseholes.

We don't live near either family and don't usually see them at Christmas. This year we are visiting my sister, but staying in a nearby hotel and I am really looking forward to it.

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cricketballs3 · 22/12/2019 16:16

In my 48 years I've only had 1 Christmas that wasn't full of joy/laughter and that was when my DM passed 2 days before - even then we made the best of it for the DC.

This includes when the boiler broke and leaked into the kitchen Christmas morning and we had to pack up all food and cook down PIL's house.

I don't 100% get on with my PIL but they are my family, my own family can be annoying but they are my family.

From what I have experienced, heard, read those who have disappointing days (illness etc not included) are those who have too high expectations of the day and little patience or understanding of others

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