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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off with friend?

96 replies

Lavender55555 · 21/12/2019 18:35

I’m unsure whether I’m being trivial, so I’d just like some perspective please?

I won’t name names but we’ll call said person Jane. Myself and Jane went to a well known supermarket to do our shopping a few nights ago and shared the same trolley for convenience. After shopping we went to the self service check out to pay for our items. I paid for mine and I believed she was paying for hers on the till next to mine. It wasn’t until we left that she admitted she hadn’t paid for her shopping, rather just walked out. She said it’s something she does regularly. I was upset by her blatant admission and clear recklessness. Not only because I had my tiny baby with me whose only 8 weeks old, but because common sense says that if you’re caught stealing it can have further consequence. Jane works with vulnerable people and I’d hate for it to impact her life. She didn’t care and said she does it all the time. I tried to explain but she wasn’t interested.

What upset me most is that she used my shopping to cover hers before walking out. Which I knew nothing about. It’s the obvious deception, and the fact I had my tiny baby with me. I’d be mortified to be caught up in something I knew nothing about.

AIBU to be pissed off?

OP posts:

Chloemol · 21/12/2019 21:03

She wouldn’t be my friend anymore, what she has done shows she does not consider you a friend. As to those saying stealing is not s big issue, you need to reconsider. It’s due to actions like this person that’s causes increases in goods to pay for those lost through stealing.

Tbh I would also be going back to the supermarket, speaking to security and telling them what she does so they can watch out for her and catch her

Awful person

Marmunia1975 · 21/12/2019 21:04

I would contact the store and tell them. They can review the CCTV.

Rachelfromfriends1 · 21/12/2019 21:05

I used to work in retail (clothing store, not groceries) - you’d be surprised at the sheer amount of people that steal. They come from all walks of life too, in reality it is not who you’d stereotype. I caught middle class mums stealing with their kids(!), men in expensive suits steal etc etc.

SegregateMumBev · 21/12/2019 21:06

She’s not a friend.

Giraffey1 · 21/12/2019 21:13

What makes it worse is that she says she does this frequently and shows no remorse or acceptance that this is theft. You’ve obviously spoken to her about it so I would have one further conversation with her in which you tell her you are shocked by her behaviour and by her attitude- and say she has caused the end of your friendship.

Bogrod · 21/12/2019 21:13

Yep. Tell the store and they can be on the lookout for her next time.

GlamGiraffe · 21/12/2019 21:15

If shes stealing from shops, where else is she stealing from?

I'd be concerned. I'd probably be feeling uneasy about having someone with do few qualms around me and my home. I definitely wouldn't be inviting her around. I'd also be very concerned if shes working with vulnerable people. Is she going to their homes, or does she have access to their possessions? If she thinks stealing is no big deal and does have access to these people I think you need to anonymously raise it somehow.

Hepsibar · 21/12/2019 21:17

Wow, your friend is a thief and used you to cover for thieving. How awful for you. How fortunate you werent caught as you would prob have been prosecuted too ... a friend indeed.

Works with vulnerable people - makes you wonder if she is ever tempted to help herself to those people's things. And of course you are vulnerable having an 8 week baby and a friend who thieves and involves you.

UrsulaPandress · 21/12/2019 21:19

I’d tell the store.

Chancey1982 · 21/12/2019 21:21

Honestly if it was me I'd go bk to the shop and tell them to look at cctv and let them call the police. I hate stuff like this. I wouldn't want anyone to think I was part of it.

Chancey1982 · 21/12/2019 21:22

Commented before I looked at comments and am really pleased I'm not in the minority with my view

Jaxhog · 21/12/2019 21:39

Wow. If she's been caught they probably wouldn't believe you knew nothing about her scam.

I'd drop her if only for this reason. But I couldn't be friends with someone that dishonest.

Rachelfromfriends1 · 21/12/2019 21:44

Yeah, the store would likely think that you were in on it had she been caught

Sparklingbrook · 21/12/2019 21:44

Any CCTV captured and associated investigation would have them looking for both of you as if you were an accomplice.
I would stop contact with her immediately.

Halo1234 · 21/12/2019 21:58

She is going to get caught at some point. Def dont go shopping with her again. I would be annoyed too. I wouldnt want to be friends with someone who thought that was ok.

Rachelfromfriends1 · 21/12/2019 22:32

Imagine being banned from your local store thanks to this “friend”

Swimtobreathe · 21/12/2019 23:10

It's not even about need. It's about respecting other people. I have a family member who is a prolific shoplifter, as well as many other things (drug issues, criminal history for violence etc). Not nice to say but there we are. He is 'in need' in that he relies on foodbanks/shelters etc (as well as having addiction issues he is like a teenager when it comes to budgeting)

I regulary take him shopping. He wouldnt dream of lifting while I was with him. He won't take anything he shouldn't in my car (not unusual for him to 'stash' something before he gets in).

It didn't sound to me that your friend was 'in need' more that she got a kick out of duping the system.

Buttercup54321 · 21/12/2019 23:23

I would end this friendship without a second thought. How horrible for you to have been used in this way. X

BenevolentEzza · 21/12/2019 23:25

Whilst it's obviously pretty shit to knowingly steal from a shop (big or small), it's really no different from what people seem to do on eBay every single day.

You know the Aldi Kevin Carrot merch? I know someone who rushed to THREE Aldi stores on the morning of release and buy up as many as they were allowed to later sell them on eBay.

For example, the big, big Kevin plush were £20 in store. This person put their exact same purchase on eBay for £80.

Wankers.

1Morewineplease · 21/12/2019 23:33

Tell her that she’s a thief and then cut your ties.
If you’d walked out of the supermarket and got caught/ paid at self service and then got caught on a random search , you’d be liable as you were the one paying.
She’s a thief and she’s using you as cover.
Decide what to do with this.

GetOut · 22/12/2019 00:05

Whilst it's obviously pretty shit to knowingly steal from a shop (big or small), it's really no different from what people seem to do on eBay every single day.

Yeah it is. Everyone has paid. Ops mate didn't.

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