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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'Not doing presents' but still accepting gifts...

311 replies

tiddlerandtea · 21/12/2019 15:02

I have name changed as my aunts gift is very specific.

My aunt collects and loves Royal Albert Tea Sets. She asks for a particular style from my siblings and I every year and it's not always the full set but sometimes a style of tea pot or whatever.

This year she asked if all families would team up and buy her the Miranda Kerr for Royal Albert Tea set. We said yes and she asked for lists of gifts back for the families that roughly totaled the price we paid for the tea set.

That was fine.

I am the last house that she visits every year out of my siblings and I am the one who always presents her the gift and then leaves her home after. She turned up at my sisters house last night announcing that she wasn't doing gifts this year and my sister text me immediately to tell me.

She then came to my house and announced the same and while we were giving gifts to other family members who had arrived with her I purposely left her gift in another room ready to be returned Monday morning. My aunt said she was looking forward to showing everyone her new set and I said no, if she wasn't doing gifts she should have mentioned at the end of November when lists were being swapped instead of us spending a lot of money to receive nothing in return.

My cousin messaged me this morning to say that the whole thing was very embarrassing and we could have just handed the set over and decided that from now on we weren't doing gifts at all instead of 'punishing' my aunt as she is really really keen on the set. My siblings are all happy for the gift to be returned and us to all receive our money back.

I have apologised and said that I appreciate it was probably embarrassing but I am not handing out a £400 gift on behalf of my siblings and I when my aunt is coming with her arms the one length and fully willing to accept the gift. The money is better being shared back out and spent on our own families.

I am ready to be told I am unreasonable and it all sounds petty but I am sick to death of people claiming they aren't doing presents but not vocalising it with anyone else. It makes you look grabby and like a right old scrounge.

I also don't care about the 'act of giving'. People can say all day long it's about the feeling you get when someone opens a present they love but 9/10 it's just about keeping up appearances and being seen to play the Christmas game in my eyes.

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 21/12/2019 16:12

You definitely did the right thing, I bet I wouldn't have handled it so well. It would have been very different if it had been a smaller item or she had said in the last few weeks that money is tight so we've had to cut down on presents. But honestly, to ask like that!! CF with bells on.

Whoops75 · 21/12/2019 16:13

YANBU

PoultryBallot · 21/12/2019 16:15

Second time today I have been blown away by MN responses. Firstly the chip lady with the cf dh, and tbh I didn't think it would be beaten this year let alone today. I am beyond impressed with how you dealt with such a CF. If we all did this there would be a lot less cfery in the world.

MissLadyM · 21/12/2019 16:16

Good for you! Cheeky bitch!

GhostHoward · 21/12/2019 16:17

Our extended family decided a few years on no gifts between us, and just enjoying family time. I was so relieved.

Deciding not to give presents it a completely valid choice, but NOT after your aunt asked for something that cost £400!!! Well bloody done in not giving it to her! What a CF!

PooWillyBumBum · 21/12/2019 16:18

Wow YANBU. What a satisfying read though - someone actually standing up to a CF.

And runs away to google damn that’s an ugly tea set!

Serin · 21/12/2019 16:19

Your cousin is clearly a chip off the block isnt he/she! Unbelievably rude behaviour from both if them.
Well done OP.

PoultryBallot · 21/12/2019 16:19

However yabu as I have just Googled the tea set and now I need it despite not knowing about it 5 minutes ago.

Ocomeocomeimaginaryfleas · 21/12/2019 16:20

I don't think I could have been as direct as you but well done. You have to admire her sheer CFery. One thing's for sure, next year's going to be a lot cheaper for you and your siblings!

dognamedspot · 21/12/2019 16:20

It's really nice for a change to read a thread where Op acted assertively at the time. It would follow the more normal pattern to be reading a thread where the expensive gift was given and the Op was here saying how unfair.

FizzyGreenWater · 21/12/2019 16:20

I LOVE that you calmly put the tea set away and said you're not having it!

What an absolute taker.

She won't be trying that one again.

Grin
PoultryBallot · 21/12/2019 16:21

poo is not- it's gorgeous (and currently reduced I must not buy it I must not )

Funnyface1 · 21/12/2019 16:21

I'm so glad you didn't give her it. I think most people would have felt too awkward to say anything and would have given her it. That's probably what she was banking on.

I just can't believe she thought it was ok to ask for such an expensive present and then declare that she wasn't giving any in return. Madness.

GenuineKlatchianPottery · 21/12/2019 16:22

You are awesome OP.

TechnicalSergeantGarp · 21/12/2019 16:23

My cousin messaged me this morning to say that the whole thing was very embarrassing and we could have just handed the set over and decided that from now on we weren't doing gifts at all instead of 'punishing' my aunt as she is really really keen on the set.. Your cousin is cheeky too. Offering to pay the total £400 cost is the only acceptable way to ask for the gift to be handed over.

Your aunt did decide from now there would be no presents. With immediate effect. Your aunt was very cheeky and you had an excellent response. What did you reply to your cousin?

Happinessinapeartree · 21/12/2019 16:23

I am standing and clapping you.

Well done on behalf of MN.

MistyCloud · 21/12/2019 16:23

@tiddlerandtea Who the eff spends £400 on a tea set?

misses point of thread.......

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 21/12/2019 16:23

Another lady I am very proud of this afternoon....Well done OP,you were so right!

B0bbin · 21/12/2019 16:24

Yanbu. How rude of your Aunt.

Dontunderestimateme · 21/12/2019 16:25

I think if she really wants it you should offer to sell it to her. She can use all the money she saved not buying presents. What bizarre behaviour.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 21/12/2019 16:28

Brilliant response. You did exactly the right thing, @tiddlerandtea!

Serin · 21/12/2019 16:29

I'm now wondering if the thread was started by the marketing board of Royal Albert.
Or Miranda herself Wink

GoodDogBellaBoo · 21/12/2019 16:32

Well done for acting quickly but without being rude or anything! You need to treat people how you want to be treated. Star

VivaLeBeaver · 21/12/2019 16:33

I can’t get over a £400 gift for an aunt! Unless you are 1 of 20 siblings it seems a lot even without the added CFuckery. I only spent about £30 on my mum!

SourAndSnippy · 21/12/2019 16:35

.