'Not doing presents' but still accepting gifts...

[tiddlerandtea]

I have name changed as my aunts gift is very specific.

My aunt collects and loves Royal Albert Tea Sets. She asks for a particular style from my siblings and I every year and it's not always the full set but sometimes a style of tea pot or whatever.

This year she asked if all families would team up and buy her the Miranda Kerr for Royal Albert Tea set. We said yes and she asked for lists of gifts back for the families that roughly totaled the price we paid for the tea set.

That was fine.

I am the last house that she visits every year out of my siblings and I am the one who always presents her the gift and then leaves her home after. She turned up at my sisters house last night announcing that she wasn't doing gifts this year and my sister text me immediately to tell me.

She then came to my house and announced the same and while we were giving gifts to other family members who had arrived with her I purposely left her gift in another room ready to be returned Monday morning. My aunt said she was looking forward to showing everyone her new set and I said no, if she wasn't doing gifts she should have mentioned at the end of November when lists were being swapped instead of us spending a lot of money to receive nothing in return.

My cousin messaged me this morning to say that the whole thing was very embarrassing and we could have just handed the set over and decided that from now on we weren't doing gifts at all instead of 'punishing' my aunt as she is really really keen on the set. My siblings are all happy for the gift to be returned and us to all receive our money back.

I have apologised and said that I appreciate it was probably embarrassing but I am not handing out a £400 gift on behalf of my siblings and I when my aunt is coming with her arms the one length and fully willing to accept the gift. The money is better being shared back out and spent on our own families.

I am ready to be told I am unreasonable and it all sounds petty but I am sick to death of people claiming they aren't doing presents but not vocalising it with anyone else. It makes you look grabby and like a right old scrounge.

I also don't care about the 'act of giving'. People can say all day long it's about the feeling you get when someone opens a present they love but 9/10 it's just about keeping up appearances and being seen to play the Christmas game in my eyes.

Cheeky cow

Hope the OP has changed some facts. This has the makings of a daily fail thread...

Cheeky madam CHOOSING her own gift then saying she's not doing gifts?! YANBU!! Who in their right minds chooses a gift from family members to give to her with no intention of giving a gift back. Stick to your guns and don't give her a gift again!

What makes this so outrageous is that she requested an expensive gift from you and accepted your requests in return, only announcing that she ‘wouldn’t be doing gifts’ when it was too late!

It’s classic CF behaviour.
She should have either told you in November she wasn’t buying gifts - or turned up on the day and apologised/told you to return it.

Turning up empty handed to collect her very expensive self chosen gift is totally scandalous. CF obviously has no shame.

Quality OP!

I also had to google ‘coming with her arms the one length’. Had never heard it before but I like it!!

Is she quite elderly?(not that that is any excuse BTW ) Just sometimes they think they are "owed" by the younger members of their family! I think £400 is well over the top and you were right (and brave) to call her out on this.

On the one hand, I don't think you should give in the expectation of receiving BUT a £400 shopping demand is a different matter -and with the cousin, the apple clearly hasn't fallen far from the tree!

HRTFT but go you, OP! I like to think I would have done the same...

YANBU - good on you, I can't believe she was rude enough to actually ask you to all fork out that money while happily not spending a cent herself!

Shame on her and good on you for showing her that you wont be taken for fools! Your cousin can but it if she so desires otherwise it goes right back, rude, rude, rude and sounds like she needed putting in her place.

I can't believe she had the cheek to come empty handed and then ask for a present 😂😂😂 has she got form for this kind of behaviour or was it a shock to you too? Well done for standing up to her, what a joke!

It's so beautiful! I'm going to keep my eye on the mugs and see if they come anywhere reasonable in the sale!

What did you reply to your cousin?

Obviously all families are different, but I just cannot get my head around an aunt, (old enough to have grown children too) requesting a £400 teaset from her nephews and nieces. I wouldn't even request this from my own dcs. I'm an aunt myself, and feel pleased when I get a calender or bath set from my grown dns. Just bizarre. Greedy and strangely childish.

You did the right thing, OP! Even if you return to gift exchange next year I would dial it right down.

It's bloody gorgeous that teaset. I don't blame your aunt for trying to pull a fast one.

You though OP are a goddamn hero. Well done for giving the ole boot short shrift!

Now, I'll give you £100 for it and a nice box of choccies.

I'd have returned for a refund, re-ordered the set at sale price, sold on to your 'embarrassed' cousin at full price and pocketed the difference to show the cheeky fuckers how it's done

Good for you, I say. She not only specified a very expensive gift for herself, she put you in an awkward and embarrassing position.

Just awful of her and grabby particularly when she wasn't intending to buy you anything.

Well done OP for having the guts to stand up to her and tell it as it is!

So many CF’s out there rely on other people being too embarrassed to say anything. That’s how they get away with this type of piss take behaviour. You are totally in the right. It’s not about ‘ you shouldn’t give to receive’, it’s about what’s fair.

Why could the cousins buying it for their mum if they are so concerned

Did you shell out £100 on aunt.

as she is really really keen on the set 🤣🤣🤣 then she can use the money she saved not buying presents to buy it herself!!!!

I never fail to be surprised by how entitled some people can be! I mean I’m really rather keen on a large farm house in the Cotswolds but I shouldn’t think the owners will just hand the keys over to me!

This is hilarious.

I came on here to say YABU. I don't do presents either, I tell everyone well in advance and remind them every year. But occasionally people have got me small gifts, I accept because what else can you do.

But this is a totally different situation and YADNBU.

Im impressed you didn't give her the gift anyway, like many pps I wouldn't have known what to do and would have given it to her and bitched about it behind her back later.

@tiddlerandtea you are absolutely 100% not being unreasonable at all! Your aunt sounds like right cheeky chuff! Can't believe she expected to receive an expensive tea set after declaring she wasn't doing gifts. She should be embarrassed the cheeky mare!

This is hilarious you 100% did the right thing there's no way I'd of given the gift over 😂 how bloody cheeky!!

Separately, I've had a card today, saying "sorry no gifts this year."

We have always exchanged gifts.

It has come so late in the hour, that they clearly waited to send it in the hopes that their presents would arrive in the crossover post so they would get their gifts and I would get nothing/half hearted apologies.

Only I decided months ago they were getting nothing this year because they have turned into absolute smug selfish shits in recent years and I was sick of them paying lipservice to the relationship in return for goods, often requested with price.

😂 I win.

Such a sad story

Op you certainly got out of being scammed