Ex giving DC this pile of trash.

[Notagainnnn]

NC. Ex hasn't seen our kids in a very long time. DV them and me.
Court order says I have to give them his letters, cards and gifts.
So I did. Kids don't want these items anyway because of who sent them. But we open them to donate accordingly.

DC 12 gets a makeup bag, a handbag from Primark, a coffee set, short PJs, a very ugly childish sweater, a t-shirt with apple in French and another that would look nice if she was 3.

DC 10 gets two pairs of plain tracksuit bottoms from Tesco and a tshirt. Also gets a lynx set that is dog-eared.

DC 8 gets a lynx set that is that old the lynx branding has rubbed off completely and battered!! That is all.

One selection box between them that has been resealed with sticky tape and one galaxy bar that has obviously been hanging around as its in lots of pieces.

Items covered in dog hair.

Why bother? Why not send a card with an update in if they mean sod all? No letters ever come or cards.

Kids don't care, they are used to it by now, and are over it, but aibu to think you just don't fucking do that?

Yanbu. I would say he's making an effort but......

A very uneven list of presents there
And who buys lynx for an 8 year old anyway

Money would be better

Little bit random but would suggest photo dc with their crap. As it's court ordered proves they got presents.
Then get rid.

We always take photographic evidence thanks.

He refuses to send money, I've suggested it before and he flat out refused.

I think they would prefer something sentimental that shows he may have changed than the same old stuff every year. DD's is basically the same as the last three years.

But one present for DC who is 8 is harsh in my opinion, it's very uneven.

Why so much for your DD and less and less for your DSs? Weird!

Is he mentally unwell OP or a heavy drinker/substance abuser? I can't think of any other reasons why he'd think any of that shite was an appropriate gift for any of the DC. Also a coffee set for a 12yr old? How weird.

Weird the disparity.

Is he skint? It sounds like he went into his nearest charity shop and bought a tenner's worth of stuff he thought might be suitable. Lynx is a bit harshly scented for young skin and buying clothes is never a good idea unless you know exact sizes and likes/dislikes.

Sounds like it’s a tool to hurt them and you. I can empathise- my abusive ex behaves in a similar way.

Maybe instead of donating it have a ritual bonfire. Sounds like a load of manky old tat anyway.

Does he favour your DD over the boys?

My first thoughts... Substance/alcohol abuse/MH issues/Skint?

I have a friend who gives the most horrendous presents. Used, dogeared, opened, bits missing.
He's got MH issues. Wraps them in old paper. I don't mind because he's a nice person.

Only you know what is going on and what his motive is.

Thats awful. Not just that its so uneven, but the make up and a coffee set - is he treating her 'like an adult'? Its creepy.

My uncle used to send us presents like this as a child - broken, used, stuck back together, empty boxes etc.

As an adult I now realise that he is/was an alcoholic.

Maybe instead of donating it have a ritual bonfire. Sounds like a load of manky old tat anyway.
Not the lynx if in aerosol cans!

@Apolloanddaphne no! From other packages they have received DD has always got the least and she believed it was because she refused to see him first and told social services outright that she would never go near him ever again.
Upon opening his one gift DS 8 said "and I thought I was the favourite hahaha!" He is always the one who gets loads. I would say it is he who ex favours over all of them.

@HideYourBabiesAndYourBeadwork thank you. And yes the kids have suggested that also lol.

No mental health issues that I know of other than abusive, possible narc. They have a big wedding booked, new dog last week and step daughters bday today, lots of holidays. I just snooped on Facebook, she puts everything public. They go out drinking alot from what's on there. Guessing not on drugs, both work in places I assume would have drug testing. Their money must just be prioritized differently to how I would do it.

Oh well you knew he was a dick. Once a dick always a dick. Onwards and upwards.
Donating is a good idea unless the kids actually want to keep this old tat.

My first thoughts... Substance/alcohol abuse/MH issues/Skint?

Or maybe he's just a twat?

You know he’s a horrid man. He’s just reconfirming this.

Can the dc text him, "Thanks for the joke gift/s, made me lol."

Poor woman marrying this asshole.

Your children sound really well adjusted.

I'd get the kids to publicly thank him on fb, shame the fucker.

He's a twat. Glad your kids know it and have few expectations of him.

My father used to send shit like this. Old comb wrapped in loo roll anyone? I wonder if my mum was ba lso obliged to show mw what he sent, despite the restraining orders, prison sentence etc.
It's really struggle to receive ramdon gifts as an adult, I'd much rather have something I'd chosen.

There's nothing weird about this, it's just an abuser being an abuser. People need to stop making excuses for this shit.

Sounds like he bought whatever was in the charity shop. How utterly thoughtless.