My BIL is incredibly wealthy. Think private jet sort of wealthy. He is also incredibly insecure.
We all get on fine, but I'm sat here dreading Christmas because of the constant level of oneupmanship which is beginning to wear me down. I'm probably going to sound crazy and materialistic when I'm not but I'll attempt to explain.
In a nutshell, it seems that BIL can't bear for anyone else to have anything nice. If someone buys something nice/special/unusual he immediately has to get the same thing, but better. It sounds a bit petty when I say it out loud but over the years it has really begun to wear thin.
I should perhaps feel flattered that he likes the things we buy enough to be inspired to get the same but it feels as though it's almost done in a sort of dominant/power games sort of way and it's a game that I am simply not interested in competing in! We are reasonably well off in a normal sort of way and quite happy with our lot, we couldn't dream of having his insanely high level disposable income level so it's not a game we could ever win anyway!
A few examples: last year my husband bought me a beautiful handmade glass lampshade made by an artist I admire. It's unusual and was (for us) a huge amount of money to spend on something special that we would enjoy for a long time. It has pride of place in our living room and I love it. BIL was there on Christmas Day when I opened it and sure enough, the next time we visit weeks later he has a bigger better version of my lamp, but casually shoved in a non-prominent room of his house.
Sounds silly to be irritated by a lamp but this happens with anything and everything nice that we do/buy that he gets wind of.
Last year we went on a special holiday that we had saved for for several years. Unusual location abroad, quirky accommodation. He couldn't bear it- booked a much 'better' version of our holiday a week after hearing what we had booked. So our lovely special trip that we had saved so hard for was immediately brought down a peg or two and was positioned as a bit substandard. We had an awesome time anyway of course but it grated a bit.
This year I have bought my husband a new bike for Christmas. Was a joint birthday/Christmas gift as much more than we'd usually spend on a gift. DH is a keen cyclist and has wanted this bike for a long time, an expensive purchase for us that we talked about a lot together before making a decision that we would buy it. DH must have told BIL about it as lo and behold this morning he gets a text with a photo of the bike BIL bought himself yesterday. Yep, it's the same bike as DH is getting but the top of the range all singing and dancing version that's way out of our budget.
WHY CAN'T MY HUSBAND JUST ENJOY HIS NEW BIKE ON CHRISTMAS DAY WITHOUT IT HAVING TO IMMEDIATELY BE MADE 'LESSER' BY BIL???!!!!! BIL doesn't even like cycling?!!!!!!
There are too many examples to list but basically we aren't allowed to have/do anything nice of our own without it being bettered.
Argh it sounds so petty and 'first world problem' when I type it out but it's really bothering me! We try and keep things to ourselves if we don't want them one-upped which is ridiculous really as him buying better doesn't detract from our enjoyment of our own lives. We aren't particularly showy or ostentatious people so it's not as though we give a shit about impressing people with our stuff so I don't understand why this annoys me so much!!!!
Is it jealousy that makes me so annoyed or is his behaviour actually a bit twatish? I have no idea.
AIBU to be sick of this nonsense?