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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be so creeped out by this?

71 replies

Gingerninja01 · 21/12/2019 08:34

Fully prepared to be told how neurotic I'm being but just wondering if it's just me or if others would feel as uneasy about this.
Was in Tesco with toddler DD bagging up shopping at the checkout. A few people sitting on the chairs large supermarkets often have near the ends of checkouts for elderly people etc to sit on. Obviously am completely used to random people waving/smiling/commenting on DD as I'm sure most people with young kids are.
There was a middle aged man sitting on aforementioned seats who waved etc at DD, didnt think anything of it until I realised he literally wouldn't take his eyes off her, he had a strange grin on and literally his gaze would not be averted despite me quite obviously staring back at him. I turned DD away from him in the trolley so he could only see her back, but still he continued staring.

Then he gets his phone out while still staring at her. At this point I stopped bagging my shopping and stared at him very pointedly, he put his phone back in his pocket and looked away before resuming his staring. Surely if he was going to use his phone in an innocent capacity to make a call etc he would just do this rather than look shifty and put it away.
Anyway, pay for shopping and hurriedly leave.
As I'm going down the (annoyingly slow) travelator thing, this man gets up and follows. It's at this point I realise he a) has no shopping bags and b) wasnt waiting for anyone as I had presumed and was for some reason just hanging around the checkout staring at DD.
I got DD into the car and started putting the bags into the car as quickly as poss, when creepy man walks past really slowly.
Nothing actually happened, he didnt approach us, but the whole thing made me feel really uncomfortable. Maybe I should have told a security guard at the time but I felt a bit silly saying "someone looked at us". Ever since I've had this feeling of having had a near miss, I just had a feeling about this guy.
Would others feel equally creeped out or am I being crazy?

OP posts:

DurhamDurham · 21/12/2019 08:42

I'm not sure it's a near miss, your little girl was in the trolley so nothing 'almost' happened to her.
Who knows about the man, he might have been creepy, but equally she might have reminded him of his granddaughter. She wasn't in any danger though so I'd forget it if I was you.

PicsInRed · 21/12/2019 08:47

YANBU. These people are very much around and you did a good job of paying attention and advocating for and protecting your child.

draughtycatflap · 21/12/2019 08:48

Did he have knives for fingers and a battered trilby hat?

MrsJoeyMaynard · 21/12/2019 08:50

I’d have felt creeped out by that.

It’s not normal behaviour.

teentree · 21/12/2019 08:53

A 'near miss' of what?

It's important to be vigilant, but your DD wasn't at risk in this situation.

I often take my phone out and look at the time or the screen to see if I have any messages, then put it straight back in my bag. Not sure what relevance checking his phone has.

itsmecathycomehome · 21/12/2019 08:55

It does sound like very strange behaviour but you will never know what motivated it so I would just try to forget about it now.

I doubt he was planning to snatch a child from a busy checkout monitored by cctv, and it seems an unusual place for a paedophile to hang out for those same reasons. But whether he was staring at your dd because she reminded him of someone, or he was suffering a mental health problem, or for other more nefarious purposes, you will never know.

Icecreamsoda99 · 21/12/2019 08:56

He may have had mental problems or be an arsehole who wanted to freak you out, either way not very nice! I think if you had been in real danger he would have been more subtle so I would try and put it out of your head, but you could mention it to the supermarket manager, he may have form for hanging out there and he could escalate his behaviour with someone else.

Marriedtoapenguin · 21/12/2019 08:58

YANBU. He may have been acting normally but you called it as odd. It's your job. You did it. Don't worry about it.

Liara · 21/12/2019 08:58

Your dd may have been exactly the age hiss dd was when she died, and he could not stop looking at her and wondering what it would have been like if she hadn’t.

We don’t know what goes on in other people’s heads. Your dd was in no danger at any point, nothing else is relevant.

Sizeofalentil · 21/12/2019 09:02

Even if she reminded him of his dead daughter he had no right to follow you to your car

Equanimitas · 21/12/2019 09:05

But he could simply have been walking to his car, Sizeofalentil.

JesusMaryAndJosepheen · 21/12/2019 09:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mumtotwo82 · 21/12/2019 09:08

That was creepy yes. But unfortunately there are people like that. All you can do is either by body language tell them to back off now or actually say it if they go too far. There is no law against looking so if that's all he was doing then you cant do much else, except what you already did.

Cornettoninja · 21/12/2019 09:09

Given he followed you to your car and continued to make you feel uncomfortable I would be inclined to make a report to the supermarket to keep an eye out for/on him.

I certainly don’t spend my life thinking everybody who shows an interest in children is a paedophile (It may even of been you he was actually following as you’re pretty vulnerable juggling a child and shopping if he wanted to rob/attack you) but the fact is there are some bad people out there who do terrible things. If the supermarket are aware they can choose to look for a more concerning pattern of behaviour if it exists and escalate to the police if necessary.

Whatsforu · 21/12/2019 09:10

Trust your instinct there was clearly something witj this man. I know that feeling. When ds was much younger we were at a theme park and were being followed around by a man. It wasn't me he was watching!!! Made me feel so sick and disturbs me to think of it. As I say trust your instinct.

JesusMaryAndJosepheen · 21/12/2019 09:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 21/12/2019 09:16

You did the right thing listening to your instinct and acting on it. Regardless of what he was actually thinking, you were right to act the way you felt you should. Don't apologise for that.

Mgby1 · 21/12/2019 09:18

I would have been creeped out also. I know people do talk and wave at little children but I never liked this when it happened to my children.. I would simply turn them around. You can never be too careful there are perverts almost everywhere and sadly this impacts on genuine people who really are just being nice. I definitely would have mentioned it to security tho

Pfefferkuchen · 21/12/2019 09:25

YANBU to be uncomfortable and careful,

but "near miss"? No, you did not have a near miss, don't push it.

Popupshopper · 21/12/2019 09:33

I think staring back at him, challenging him, was correct. If he was innocent he would probably have immediately.

These people are relying on the fact that we are socialised into not making a scene.
I find the fact that he wasn’t waiting for anyone significant. And I would have thought the supermarket was the perfect place to hide in plain sight. He won’t look as conspicuous as a single middle aged man wandering around a children’s park without a dog, or a theme park.

Seriouslyconfused3 · 21/12/2019 09:33

I know what u mean op I’m not overly suspicious at all, happy for dc to chat to passers by etc when I’m there but I once had that feeling too with dc1- older man was unapologetically leering and standing very very close. Creeped me out to hell but is a good reminder of the dangers out there

Jaxinthebox · 21/12/2019 09:33

not a near miss - as nothing happened. You dont know if he had a valid reason or not, but you made a judgement call and didnt like what you were seeing. Fair enough too. Him walking behind you to your car and coming past very slowly is quite odd.

All added together is definitely odd in my book, I might contact the shop and just say what happened. Not sure what they could do, but if you say and something ever did happen, at least you would feel justified in your actions.

Jellybeansincognito · 21/12/2019 09:34

Ugh yeah that’s creepy.

Nice or not I wish people would stop this nonsense around children so that we can actually see people’s intentions more clearly.

I had an elderly lady take my sons hand once and kiss it.
Never had I before spoken to her in my life.

Popupshopper · 21/12/2019 09:35

I meant to say if was some innocent old chap thinking cute little girl, and the child’s mother started staring at him, he would have got up and moved, or left. It xo to yes to sit there.
We are very naive if we think they are not out there, looking for every opportunity to take a photo.

MuffleKerfuffleUSnuffleWuffle · 21/12/2019 09:35

A few people sitting on the chairs large supermarkets often have near the ends of checkouts for elderly people

Didn't realise they were for elderly people; I'm going to start shooing away all the middle aged and young people, disabled people and kids!! Bloody cheek that Middle aged guy had, sitting in the OAP seats.

Near miss? Sounds like you totally misread the whole situation! Ever considered his phone vibrated with a message, checked it, someone waiting for him and he got up and left?

I also think you're neurotic, like you suggested in your first line. Ever thought he may be a lonely person with no family and was smiling at your kid, you know... Being friendly? My guess here is no more stupid than your guess.

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