I don’t post very often but when I do it is always about the same things so I hope some of you recognise my username and remember the history between myself and DIL.
I have been looking after dgs on a regular basis at least a couple of times a week when my DIL went back to work after maternity leave. This has included overnight stays as she works shifts, as I do and my ds is away till after Christmas. Child care is split between us, her parents and nursery depending on all of our work schedules, I also look after Dgs when she has appointments, or want she to go out etc all of which I am very happy to do and is not an issue but is just for context. The only time I ever hear from DIL at all is to arrange for me to look after Dgs and I’m really starting to feel like an unpaid babysitter rather than a grandparent. For instance I will receive a txt that says here is my rota can you send me yours so I can work out child care this month, or can you have DGS for a few hours so I can go out with my friends, thanks. All fine and I will rearrange plans etc so have never said no. DGS birthday recently and if I hadn’t asked to go and drop his gift off I wouldn’t have been aware that she had organised a party tea at home with her family as none of us were invited. Slightly awkward and hurtful but not unexpected. With my son away, I will txt ( have been asked not to ring in case she is busy/ DGS is asleep, even though I’ve probably only tried ringing perhaps 5 times in the past few years) to see if she is ok or needs anything and these txts are ignored, (you can see they have been read), until she needs me to babysit then she will respond to the previous txt that may have been sent days ago in order to ask if I’m free to have DGS rude but still ok and I don’t worry about it.
I have just received a text that says what are you working over Christmas as I only have Xmas day off so I am staying at my parents house, I could bring him round and leave him with you Boxing Day so that I can have a few hours sleep before work ? She has had my work schedule for over a month and therefore knows I will be at work, so that’s not possible and it was purely to let me know she won’t be bringing him round Christmas morning as was planned. Her parents are about a 5 minutes drive from us so not really that inconvenient to spare us an hour on Christmas morning, but ok I’m upset but her choice. I’m also at work right up until New Years Eve but working New Years Day. I then received another text to say will I babysit on New Years Eve as I’m off and her parents are going out. AIBU to say actually no, I’m not free, even though I am, but at work early the next day. This means that I won’t see Gs over the festive period at all. My DH thinks I’m cutting my nose off to spite my face in not having him and we could have our Christmas with him then, but I feel like a babysitter and that if she cannot even spare us an hour on Christmas Day, when we won’t see him any other time, then why should I drop everything like I always do so that she can go out. I’m really torn as I adore Dgs and have always had him willingly and happily, but it is literally the only time that she contacts us. I’m sick of feeling like a childminder at her beck and call but also know that if I stop looking after him when she wants us to, I will never see him at all.