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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Annoyed at DH

71 replies

Alte · 20/12/2019 22:28

For context, there is a strict rule in my house that candles are for birthday cakes only, DH and DC know this.

DD is almost 15. She asked for some scented candles for Christmas and her birthday in January. I said no as I don't agree with scented candles anyway, especially not in her bedroom. I came home today to see DH wrapping a box of Yankee candles! I asked him why he got it and he said "it's Christmas and she's a teenager, let her have them". I explained to him why I didn't agree with him, but he seems to think they can't be dangerous or they wouldn't sell them. AIBU to be annoyed at DH for buying them? And should I let DD keep them, or would it be better to give them to an adult that likes candles?

OP posts:
RJnomore1 · 20/12/2019 22:30

What is your actual objection to candles?

I’d say you’re being vvv unreasonable as long as she’s capable of being responsible.

BillHadersNewWife · 20/12/2019 22:32

YABU. You can't ban them completely, you'll just make them more attractive. Educate her on how to use them safely.

Lilacpheonix · 20/12/2019 22:32

YABVU

fedup21 · 20/12/2019 22:33

I wouldn’t let my teens have candles in their bedroom.

frazzledasarock · 20/12/2019 22:34

I agree. I don’t allow my teens to have candles in their rooms either. I can well imagine my DC2 forgetting to put the candle out and burning the house down.

maras2 · 20/12/2019 22:35

No way would I let teenagers have lighted candles in their bedroom.

Thesuzle · 20/12/2019 22:35

Yankies stink wouldn’t have them in my house

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 20/12/2019 22:35

YABU to ban candles but I wouldn't be allowing them in her bedroom

Original poster
Alte · 20/12/2019 22:35

A good friend of mine had a serious house fire earlier this year, we think her teenage daughter left a candle on overnight which caused it. I don't want this to happen to us, so I've said no.

OP posts:
queenqueenqueen · 20/12/2019 22:38

YAB a bit U banning candles personally but I think your husband shouldn't have undermined you like that. I'd be seething.

queenqueenqueen · 20/12/2019 22:39

So YANBU to be pissed off at DH

Troels · 20/12/2019 22:39

No candles here and certainly not in the bedroom. Teens can't remember to bring dirty dishes dowstairs, never mind blow out a candle.

Fairylea · 20/12/2019 22:40

I’d tell him to get her a nice smelling reed diffuser set instead. I don’t allow my teen candles either. Accident waiting to happen.

FedUpMum40 · 20/12/2019 22:41

Whenever my Yankee candles have finished they have always burnt themselves out, I keep one in the bathroom also, not alight all the time though, I wouldn't allow my teenagers to have them in their rooms though, I would still let mine have them or even buy them as a present but on the understanding they stay down here and not to be lit in their rooms

Halloweenbabyy · 20/12/2019 22:43

YABU. House fires can happen in many ways - not just candles 😕 you can’t ban everything. I’ve always had candles and I was allowed them in my room as a teen, I didn’t burn the house down. teach the importance of blowing them out, you can even buy fancy metal devices that put the flame out.

Fucck · 20/12/2019 22:43

I’d tell him to get her a nice smelling reed diffuser set instead

Or get one of the electric wax melt burners with no naked flames.

I completely agree to no candles for a teen!

Fucck · 20/12/2019 22:44

YABU. House fires can happen in many ways - not just candles

It's like the number one cause or something. Why take the risk. So many flameless options nowadays.

user1471449295 · 20/12/2019 22:46

Yankee candles just burn out, due to the jar they’re in. Unless you chuck a pillow on it, knock it over etc I imagine they are pretty safe as candles go.
Teach her about fire safety. She’s only going to move out one day and buy loads of candles.

user1471449295 · 20/12/2019 22:47

And I say this as someone who is paranoid about fires.

WeeDangerousSpike · 20/12/2019 22:49

Was going to suggest one of those wanky wax melter things too. Good compromise I reckon.

MereDintofPandiculation · 20/12/2019 23:33

A good friend of mine had a serious house fire earlier this year, we think her teenage daughter left a candle on overnight which caused it. Friend of mine had a serious house fire. Her children weren't allowed candles. Somehow they acquired some candles, and when Mum was out, took the opportunity to light them. But for extra safety from being caught, they went under the bed to light them.

I'm all for teaching children how to handle dangerous things responsibly, rather than keeping them away from them.

HanginWithMyGnomies · 20/12/2019 23:36

What’s the point in taking the risk? Really. Not a chance I’d allow my teenager to have an open flame in her bedroom.

The benefits certainly do not outweigh the risks in my opinion.

TheDarkPassenger · 20/12/2019 23:39

I would agree that banning candles probably makes them more dangerous as you are not teaching good candle don’t-burn-the-house-down etiquette.

I personally would get her a nice reed diffuser or these fancy no flame candles and let her have some proper candles to be kept in the living room

Bunnybaubles · 20/12/2019 23:46

If she likes scented candles, and you don't, couldnt you compromise with an electrical one?

My DM uses a plug in scented candle which uses scented oils.

She also thinks real candles are dangerous, but more so for her DGC running about. The electric one is perfectly safe.

You could take your DD shopping to choose her own scents.

Shoxfordian · 20/12/2019 23:50

Is it just this year you've taken against candles?