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To be freaking out about a random poo

98 replies

taxiforme · 20/12/2019 18:04

Arrive back home this afternoon- hubby goes upstairs and starts shouting. Large poo and dark wee in our bathroom toilet. No loo paper in there.

Absolutely certain that neither of us are responsible. I was last to leave today and for certain the loo was clean as I had a quick shower and wee before I left (there is no way I would not use paper or not flush and not notice a poo there).

Nothing has gone or been disturbed, no sign of a break in as far as we can see. I have three step kids who were all at work all day (and the most convenient location if caught short would be the downstairs loo).

The only think is I can think of is that my cleaner called in caught short..but she would have used the downstairs loo also.

I am freaking out here!

Is it possible for poo and wee to just appear or flush back?? Hmm

OP posts:
Tombliwho · 20/12/2019 19:00

Poo tea Grin dishelleved poo Grin I'm done.

Patroclus · 20/12/2019 19:04

Smackheads always do it when burgaling. The nerves and sudden brisk activity/crack suddenly shifts their Opiod slowed bowels and they have to go for the first time in weeks. Seen some truly rancid results. So check nothing is missing.

Bananalanacake · 20/12/2019 19:11

interesting explanation Patroclus. hope you're a police officer and not a repeat burglary victim.

Patroclus · 20/12/2019 19:13

Nah I was a smackhead but not a burglar/house shitter.

amusicalnow · 20/12/2019 19:23

poo tea Grin make me cackle at the end of a thoroughly depressing day

SunshineAngel · 20/12/2019 19:26

Some of these answers made me laugh.

But in the past, my DP (who does sodding MASSIVE poos) has flushed, thought it was gone, and then it's been back when I went to the bathroom later on. And like you said the water was a little dark just because of the poo being there for so long.

However .. it would strike me as odd that it happened when you'd had a wee (into what I assume was a clear toilet at the time) and then flushed again before you'd left for work.

It would have to be some kind of super poo to survive two flushes (and hide in between the two!) and then come back later.

666onmyhead · 20/12/2019 19:29

@VivaLeBeaver we just changed the locks . He would close his curtains as soon as we came home ( as lived directly opposite .) our neighbour told us he was embarrassed about it.

Patroclus · 20/12/2019 19:30

Awww I could have said turd burglar back there but I didnt.

FadedRed · 20/12/2019 19:33

Scrumptiousbears - never got to the bottom of it 😭😭

CustardySergeant · 20/12/2019 19:34

"You can tell if it's one that's tried but failed to get around the u bend because they look dishevelled"

That's one of the funniest sentences I've ever read! Grin

QueenOfOversharing · 20/12/2019 19:42

Wasn't there a thread years ago about someone living in the attic next door & coming through during the day & shitting in their loo?

teentree · 20/12/2019 19:45

One of our neighbours has a key and their teenage son is going through a troubled time so it did cross my mind it might be him.

More likely to be your cleaner who was actually in the house, no?

Why would your neighbour or their troubled teen come round for a shit?

MsPeachh · 20/12/2019 19:50

Had a heroin addict take a shit in my stairwell a few years back- can vouch for Patroclus that the result was truly monstrous.

Jenasaurus · 20/12/2019 19:56

this explains something then. A poo mysteriously appeared in our toilet and was spotted and commented on at a house viewing as we were in the process of selling our house. The toilet was clean as was the house like you would when your house is on the market and expecting a viewing, The estate agent said the prospective buyers mentioned the poo in the bowl! I thought it was one of the DC but it didn't make sense, so possibly a resurrection, although how long do they lurk before resurfacing and making poo tea?

Duchessgummybuns · 20/12/2019 20:01

You’ve been visited by Mr Hankey OP, a truly blessed Christmas indeed

TheGriffle · 20/12/2019 20:01

Poo tea has made my day! GrinGrinXmas Grin

Charliebigpotatoes · 20/12/2019 20:02

It's actually surprisingly common for burglars to urinate or defecate when burgling a property. Something to do with adrenaline and for some it's a power thing. Very odd. But definitely double check nothing is missing.

covetingthepreciousthings · 20/12/2019 20:03

Wasn't there a thread years ago about someone living in the attic next door & coming through during the day & shitting in their loo?

Yes I remember this, can't remember how it ended though, can anyone else?!

Dogleg · 20/12/2019 20:03

Poo tea, disheveled poo and ‘burgaling’. I’m gone 😂😂😂

Bluewavescrashing · 20/12/2019 20:06

We have a phantom shitter

We all know it's DS age 6 😂

OlaEliza · 20/12/2019 20:07

You need a poo knife op.

Silverflake · 20/12/2019 20:10

When we bought our old house it still had an outside (but attached to the back of the house) toilet. There was an ancient poo in it that would never flush away, just sit there making ‘poo tea’. We’d flush it, it would disappear for a bit then reappear once again. This, thankfully, didn’t go on too long before we demolished the toilet to extend the kitchen.


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Justaboy · 20/12/2019 20:12

Some turds have more Air in than than others so theres sinkers and floaters;!.

Coughsyrupsucks · 20/12/2019 20:20

We have an eco/low flush loo and resurrected poos are forever resurfacing, exactly how you described 🤢🤢 I have thought about being an eco bastard and swapping it out for one that actually works.

tectonicplates · 20/12/2019 20:29

Is your house rented? Any chance it could've been a lettings agent or some kind of contractor you didn't know was coming?

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