To be freaking out about a random poo

[taxiforme]

Arrive back home this afternoon- hubby goes upstairs and starts shouting. Large poo and dark wee in our bathroom toilet. No loo paper in there.

Absolutely certain that neither of us are responsible. I was last to leave today and for certain the loo was clean as I had a quick shower and wee before I left (there is no way I would not use paper or not flush and not notice a poo there).

Nothing has gone or been disturbed, no sign of a break in as far as we can see. I have three step kids who were all at work all day (and the most convenient location if caught short would be the downstairs loo).

The only think is I can think of is that my cleaner called in caught short..but she would have used the downstairs loo also.

I am freaking out here!

Is it possible for poo and wee to just appear or flush back??

Poo tea dishelleved poo I'm done.

Smackheads always do it when burgaling. The nerves and sudden brisk activity/crack suddenly shifts their Opiod slowed bowels and they have to go for the first time in weeks. Seen some truly rancid results. So check nothing is missing.

interesting explanation Patroclus. hope you're a police officer and not a repeat burglary victim.

Nah I was a smackhead but not a burglar/house shitter.

poo tea make me cackle at the end of a thoroughly depressing day

Some of these answers made me laugh.

But in the past, my DP (who does sodding MASSIVE poos) has flushed, thought it was gone, and then it's been back when I went to the bathroom later on. And like you said the water was a little dark just because of the poo being there for so long.

However .. it would strike me as odd that it happened when you'd had a wee (into what I assume was a clear toilet at the time) and then flushed again before you'd left for work.

It would have to be some kind of super poo to survive two flushes (and hide in between the two!) and then come back later.

@VivaLeBeaver we just changed the locks . He would close his curtains as soon as we came home ( as lived directly opposite .) our neighbour told us he was embarrassed about it.

Awww I could have said turd burglar back there but I didnt.

Scrumptiousbears - never got to the bottom of it 😭😭

"You can tell if it's one that's tried but failed to get around the u bend because they look dishevelled"

That's one of the funniest sentences I've ever read!

Wasn't there a thread years ago about someone living in the attic next door & coming through during the day & shitting in their loo?

One of our neighbours has a key and their teenage son is going through a troubled time so it did cross my mind it might be him.

More likely to be your cleaner who was actually in the house, no?

Why would your neighbour or their troubled teen come round for a shit?

Had a heroin addict take a shit in my stairwell a few years back- can vouch for Patroclus that the result was truly monstrous.

this explains something then. A poo mysteriously appeared in our toilet and was spotted and commented on at a house viewing as we were in the process of selling our house. The toilet was clean as was the house like you would when your house is on the market and expecting a viewing, The estate agent said the prospective buyers mentioned the poo in the bowl! I thought it was one of the DC but it didn't make sense, so possibly a resurrection, although how long do they lurk before resurfacing and making poo tea?

You’ve been visited by Mr Hankey OP, a truly blessed Christmas indeed

Poo tea has made my day!

It's actually surprisingly common for burglars to urinate or defecate when burgling a property. Something to do with adrenaline and for some it's a power thing. Very odd. But definitely double check nothing is missing.

Wasn't there a thread years ago about someone living in the attic next door & coming through during the day & shitting in their loo?

Yes I remember this, can't remember how it ended though, can anyone else?!

Poo tea, disheveled poo and ‘burgaling’. I’m gone 😂😂😂

We have a phantom shitter

We all know it's DS age 6 😂

You need a poo knife op.

When we bought our old house it still had an outside (but attached to the back of the house) toilet. There was an ancient poo in it that would never flush away, just sit there making ‘poo tea’. We’d flush it, it would disappear for a bit then reappear once again. This, thankfully, didn’t go on too long before we demolished the toilet to extend the kitchen.

Some turds have more Air in than than others so theres sinkers and floaters;!.

We have an eco/low flush loo and resurrected poos are forever resurfacing, exactly how you described 🤢🤢 I have thought about being an eco bastard and swapping it out for one that actually works.

Is your house rented? Any chance it could've been a lettings agent or some kind of contractor you didn't know was coming?