@Countryescape I hear you!! Omg that could have been me that wrote what you have, that was my life, and what my mother says now!
In response to other posts, with our own situations and with the subject on this thread, it's a tricky one, as yes her mother exposed her to things, but nothing happens overnight and very few get what some think is okay because it is verbal, verbally abused one day, and pack up and leave! It just doesn't happen, I haven't even heard of those without kids doing that. So with kids, it is even harder. I don't think children will be able to be unexposed to everything that happens, it depends on the situation, and what you do about it at the time/going forward.
I'm not saying I have walked away from things even on the subject of my own father, but I certainly don't live in denial, that things are my fault, or make excuses for people.
It is hard with the parent who isn't the abuser, as they have and are still struggling and often still in the same position, so they are suffering, it does not mean because they are adults that they can easily walk away. I also think where parents are concerned it is really hard, because you want to and encouraged to have a relationship and keep them in your life, but if it was anyone else we would have taken a different view and also probably not accepted as much as we have. My parents are getting old now and people will say 'ahh don't be too harsh they are getting old' blah de blah, but my father is still the same old drunk nasty person he always was.
I left home very late, something I will always regret, the anxiety and depression I suffered dragged me down, and I could never sort myself out to leave. So one night when he came in same old, and started on me, I had a go and went upstairs and put some things in a bag and left, Dad wouldn't of probably even noticed, but I said it as I left what I was doing, Mum was sat reading the paper that he had brought home, and to be honest she was hardly going to jump up, as these evenings with same old situations happened daily. I think the next day they thought I was just staying over at a mates etc, but I told them I would not be coming back. I went with friends the following evening and took some more of my stuff. 8 years later I am having to stay temporarily as we were evicted. I think my Dad is using what I done 8 years ago, against me, the way he is being. And made it clear from day 1 of being here, that it was not his choice to have me here, I kind of knew that, but as he goes on about how hard he worked to get a house, as though we should be greatful, we might as well get use out of it then! As my sister moved out very soon after we first moved in, which was inevitable under the circumstances, and that she was a fully grown adult by then!
He criticises constantly about everything to do with my life and my parenting, as I have a son, and I find it hilarious and also infuriating as he didn't do anything in terms of helping our mum when we were growing up. And if he thinks parenting involves being up the pub after work in the evenings, and at the weekend, then that is why I don't take advice from him lol. Some say oh yeah but it's an addiction, and that's how men were from the older generation, absolute rubbish! There are plenty of new young men like that, maybe they have been taught badly/childhood experiences, but then many of us, it seems, have had those, and we could all just carry things on, but don't because we know better!