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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To enjoy being a single parent at this time of year?!

76 replies

lovemenorca · 20/12/2019 16:33

All the threads angry at partners not pulling their weight
The in law issues
The arguments about what should / should not be done on Xmas day
Which family to go to

Sounds bloody awful.
Thankfully I’m on very good terms with my ex, so I recognise that makes a huge difference (his present from the children and I is brunch at his favourite restaurant on the 28th, and I’m genuinely looking forward to having a chat with him!). We divorced simply because incompatible, no third party and still isn’t on either side 3.5 years late.

But as a single parent (and my parents died in my twenties) I get time to myself (my ex has the children 21 afternoon to 24th morning) to shop, gym, yoga, coffee with friends and then I’m with the children 24th-28th. My beloved brother who the children adore will be with us on Christmas Day. Eat, walk, games, film.
Boxing Day walk and play with Christmas gifts
27th Snow Queen at the theatre
28th brunch
29th-31st - I’m seeing friends, I’m pottering about, spring cleaning before new year (I’m odd, but I LOVE cleaning sorting!), I’ll gym and yoga.

There’s zero stress or tension or arguments. I know that the ideal is parents together and I don’t dispute that - but it does seem that in so many cases,‘parents together means either arguments or stoney silence

Sometimes, sometimes, I genuinely relish being queen of my domain!

Any other single parents feeling the same?

As I say - it’s not perfect. But the common I mage of single parents wanting something different - not always the case.

OP posts:

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 20/12/2019 16:37

I'm glad to be a single non-parent .... if that counts

Original poster

lovemenorca · 20/12/2019 16:38

It sure does! Enjoy

OP posts:

ghostyslovesheets · 20/12/2019 16:38

YANBU I love it

I have the kids until 3pm Christmas Day - very chilled and relaxed - I go to neighbours for drinks Christmas night (and dancing usually!) run Boxing Day then eat crap and watch crap - parents (with the kids) 27th-30th - kids back to dads - I'm out with mate NYE - lovely!

SimonJT · 20/12/2019 16:40

Selfishly yes.

I’m a lone parent (there is no other parent), it’s really hard being the only parent, but there is so much shit/drama I will never have to go through due to not sharing my son with someone else.

When I see other people struggling due to unrealistic arrangements I do feel relieved that I will never be in that situation.

MidnightCircus · 20/12/2019 16:42

nicelegs (that feels odd calling you that!), also single and childless! Tis the best I think haha

Missillusioned · 20/12/2019 16:43

Well most single parents are not exempt from arguments about where to spend time at Christmas. Although now it is about where the children spend Christmas.
Many of us are not on good terms with our exes and Christmas is yet another source of aggravation

Bogoffrain · 20/12/2019 16:45

I love it too, shopping all done a wrapped, house cleaned, beds changed, food ordered for delivery on Monday. All me and DC’s need to do it take every lovely day as it comes, no stress or expectations.

Mintjulia · 20/12/2019 16:45

I love it. I can have lights on the eaves without ex whining about the £1.50 it will cost in electric. I can laze in front of a log fire with a glass of wine & some bread and cheese rather than have to cook another massive meal. I can indulge my ds and not have to defend my spending. I can cycle with ds on the common on Xmas afternoon. I can sit in the quiet after ds is in bed and listen to carols from Kings.
God, the relief.

GruciusMalfoy · 20/12/2019 16:46

I dont get the time alone that you do (lone parent here) but I'd really like that, I enjoy being single. I enjoy it throughout the year, but particularly at this time. I just like being able to do things how I want. And how the children like. It's all pretty relaxed here.

Michaelbaubles · 20/12/2019 16:46

Yes, it can be nice. This week every night after work I’ve come home, we’ve had a Christmas film on, had tea, then I’ve had an early night. DC are away the full week with their dad - it’s not great to miss Christmas Day with them but I’ve bigged up “Christmas 2!” and we’ll have our own day when we come back - all the better for not having to traipse around crowded shops or worry about food deliveries. I get to spend time with my partner who I’ve not seen this week in favour of spending time with the DC and we’ll have a very relaxed Christmas doing what we please. No worries about ILs and so on. Then kids will be back and we’ll enjoy chilled time with their new presents, and they won’t be here long enough before school starts back for us all to get sick of the sight of each other. It works out pretty well (as long as I avoid the head-tilty “but how can you BEAR to be away from them” gang).

thepeopleversuswork · 20/12/2019 16:55

I agree OP. I much prefer almost everything about being a single parent tbh. I look at the people I know in couples biting their tongues about lack of support with Christmas prep, making ludicrously complex logistical arrangements etc and think no way would I go back to that.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 20/12/2019 16:58

I enjoy being a single parent full stop. Everything is done on my terms. It's great.

Same situation as you, I get on with my ex.

DS is with his dad this weekend so I can finish the shopping in peace. Meeting friends for a boozy lunch on Sunday. Then DS back for Christmas eve, we are going to the panto and then spending Christmas and Boxing Day with my family. DS then back to his dad for New Year so I can enjoy a few drinks.

EmmiJay · 20/12/2019 17:00

I was actually thinking about this the other day. Its bliss! Plus I have only one child so there's no worrying about having enough to go around. We have a relaxed Christmas break as we're going to mums for the day and all the family will be there. Now she's older and a little more independent I don't have to dote on her too much (but I still steal a quick hug and kiss from her when she comes to me lol.)

kateandme · 20/12/2019 17:29

from the current arguments here i would gladly have walked out into the pissing rain.id like a feeling of bliss for one second.

Cantsleeppast3am · 20/12/2019 17:30

I love being a single parent, I had ivf as a single woman.
Yes it can be hard, I have to do everything!!!
I do have supportive parents so that makes a huge difference.
I don't want a relationship till my dd has grown up.

Straycatstrut · 20/12/2019 17:40

It's my first one and it's actually not bad!

It's been very hard work juggling it all these last few weeks, couple of meltdowns (from everyone!) but looking at how excited and bright eyed they are, checking on them sleeping with their twinkly lights on and Christmas bedtime stories in their heads, and knowing everything down to the food in their belly is all down to me is the best feeling ever .

I have them for Christmas day and from the 28th they go to their dads for a few days so I get a lovely long peaceful break, with a chance of hitting the sales! They get two Christmases! Works out well for every one.

ffswhatnext · 20/12/2019 18:33

Even though I single handily raised my children I will never go back into a relationship. Love the freedom and we just do what we want.

No other adult to argue with about them being lazy fuckers. Not having to do all his admin, buying his family gifts, his family cards etc. Not that I did any of that bollocks when I was with someone lol. Getting asked by younger children what's for dinner, the older ones would often volunteer, not some lazy ass adult asking what's for dinner. No listening to bullshit excuses for not doing stuff like long hours, hello, and who the fuck is filling in at home whilst you do your long hours after working my own hours.

Do miss the laughter though from when I used to hear I did you favour for doing life/adult/parenting stuff.

I have sex fully on my terms. No dealing with a pathetic man sulking cos he's not getting any.

I don't have to deal with family, I got rid of those arseholes years ago.

Yea it's scary entering the unknown. But worth it in the long run especially if you have one of those pathetic ones who can just about wipe their own arses. My self worth, my esteem etc all increased a lot once the waist of space was gone.

Planning family days out, and have to wait for the lazy fucker is a thing of the past. Well so is talking to another adult about plans, we want to do it and off we go.

myfavouriterain · 20/12/2019 18:38

Yes.
Except as a lone parent it would be nice to have a few hours to myself. But no conflict of any kind.

WorraLiberty · 20/12/2019 18:42

It's great that you enjoy it OP

I've done both and I much prefer being married and shouldering Christmas together.

Don't forget, people really only start threads about their DH being a useless manchild when it comes to Christmas, as starting threads to say they're really happy and have no problems is a bit pointless.

Actionhasmagic · 20/12/2019 18:45

Great you are on good terms. Enjoy your Christmas!

PooWillyBumBum · 20/12/2019 18:45

YANBU - your Christmas sounds lovely.

I’m married to someone lovely, easy going and very hands on...and love my in laws...so I’m also feeling pretty chilled. We don’t make a huge fuss over Xmas anyway.

PumpkinP · 20/12/2019 18:49

People only put up threads to moan or when they need advice so that’s why you only see the negatives, you don’t see someone in a relationship post “I’m soooooo glad I’m in a relationship as all I see is threads from single people complaining they have no help or are lonely so it makes me so happy to be in a relationship!” See plenty of them from single people though about how glad they are not to be in a relationship! but if someone in a relationship put up the opposite they would be jumped on!

My sister won’t be spending Xmas with her son as it’s his dads turn this year so she’s really down. My ex is absent and I find being a single parent really though I’m glad on Xmas that I don’t have to share the day with anyone but a lot of single parents are facing Xmas alone.

MrOnionsBumperRoller · 20/12/2019 19:09

Yes it's fab! Can come and go as we please and no concessions to some man. Reading thresds on here about men not pulling their weight as regards Christmas (and in general), hideous in laws, husbands massacring christmas trees etc just confirms to me that single is the way to go.

firesong · 20/12/2019 19:44

I'm a single parent and find Xmas really difficult.

I can't afford presents
My family are all miles away and as I split Xmas day with the kids' dads I have to be away from the children after putting in the work and doing all the boring stuff... the dads get the fun part!
I'm on my own with the children all the time, it's cold and dark with nothing to do.

I'm naturally an optimist, but seriously... roll on summer

Freddiefox · 20/12/2019 19:45

Yes yes yes! It was 3 Christmas’ ago where the ex did nothing and broke the camels back.
I did all of Christmas, he didn’t even lift a tiny finger to help, I still do it all but without all the drama and resentment thrown in.

Love it now

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