To enjoy being a single parent at this time of year?!

[lovemenorca]

All the threads angry at partners not pulling their weight
The in law issues
The arguments about what should / should not be done on Xmas day
Which family to go to

Sounds bloody awful.
Thankfully I’m on very good terms with my ex, so I recognise that makes a huge difference (his present from the children and I is brunch at his favourite restaurant on the 28th, and I’m genuinely looking forward to having a chat with him!). We divorced simply because incompatible, no third party and still isn’t on either side 3.5 years late.

But as a single parent (and my parents died in my twenties) I get time to myself (my ex has the children 21 afternoon to 24th morning) to shop, gym, yoga, coffee with friends and then I’m with the children 24th-28th. My beloved brother who the children adore will be with us on Christmas Day. Eat, walk, games, film.
Boxing Day walk and play with Christmas gifts
27th Snow Queen at the theatre
28th brunch
29th-31st - I’m seeing friends, I’m pottering about, spring cleaning before new year (I’m odd, but I LOVE cleaning sorting!), I’ll gym and yoga.

There’s zero stress or tension or arguments. I know that the ideal is parents together and I don’t dispute that - but it does seem that in so many cases,‘parents together means either arguments or stoney silence

Sometimes, sometimes, I genuinely relish being queen of my domain!

Any other single parents feeling the same?

As I say - it’s not perfect. But the common I mage of single parents wanting something different - not always the case.

This is the first Christmas since my son was born that I'm looking forward to. I'm spending it with another single mum, both our sons are the same age and we get on great. Neither of us have the dads in our sons lives. I'm so pleased that I'm building my own support network of other single mums, it makes all the difference

I agree.
It’s not even my year to spend Christmas with my dc this year (I’m not gonna lie, the first year I didn’t have them was tough, but I’ve worked through it now) but we dedicate another day to be “Christmas” and I’ll spend the day itself with friends. But I don’t have an unhelpful man, or difficult in laws to deal with, and that’s honestly priceless.

Sounds like you've got it sussed op! Enjoy your Christmas.
Just curious though, if you and your ex get on well, have you never been tempted to have Christmas Day, or at least dinner, together?

How do you have so much time to 'gym and yoga'? Do you only have your children 50% of the time or are they old enough to be left alone?

PumpkinP yes but the reason why people don't post about how glad they are to be in a relationship is because that's the accepted social norm. It's instilled in women more or less from birth that there's something wrong with them if they're not one half of a couple so they tend to internalise it. Its seen as a given by society that its always better to be in a couple.

And then when they realise, often after a bad marriage, half way through life, that they were sold a huge lie by society and that being on your own and in control of your own destiny can actually be incredible, they tend to want to shout about it. It may be a bit self-indulgent but there's still a way to go before wider society has accepted it.

I think it’s easier if you have a good relationship with your ex and they see the children quite often. Your ex sounds nice, not all of them are like that. Some single parents are completely alone with no support, it’s not as easy for them.

You sound more like a co-parent than a single parent OP. It's not easy doing everything truly on your own.

YANBU. I have 10 days off work and no plans other than a family Christmas eve party. We spend Christmas morning at home and have dinner at my parents 10 mins away in the afternoon, all very relaxed. House has been cleaned top to bottom, presents are bought and wrapped. We'll have a few days out, a trip to the cinema and just go with the flow. Happy days.

I’m a total contradiction... I love Christmas with my cousins, hated them with the ILs, my parents are a handful, had not seen my exH in a decade..

We are having a much smaller celebration this Christmas and who am I missing the most and most want to see??? My exMIL!🤦🏻‍♀️

What on Earth is wrong with me?

I'm a single parent. I get minimal support from the other parent (he sees them occasionally and doesn't pay anything).
Yet still I absolutely love being a single parent. I love not having to compromise. I love choosing with my children what we do and when, and I am always able to put them first without having to balance the needs of another adult. It's wonderful.

YANBU to be happy with your life!

YABU to think that anyone in a relationship must be dealing with arguments, tensions, drama. Many couples and families are having a blissful Christmas. I am happy with my DH, you are lucky to get on well with your ex. That doesn't mean everybody is in the same boat.

I’m a single parent and I don’t enjoy it or love it as some seem to, it’s like it’s not ok to say you don’t like being a single parent. I think most of the people that prefer it are ones that left abusive relationships or whose exes are very involved. Christmas is a tough time for me as I have to do everything alone, there is no break , ex doesn’t even pay maintenance I do everything literally. It’s worth remembering that there are also lots of posts from single parents about how they are lonely, sad, wont see their children this Christmas as well as threads moaning about lazy dhs and in-laws!

I love being single. I love my DD and the fact we can do so many nice things together. I absolutely do not miss having to think about or deal with other halves families.

@TeachesOfPeaches

I can’t see the confusion? As I write in my post - I will be going to the gym and yoga (and coffee with friends, shopping, relaxing) when the children are with their father.
I am the RP. Children with the father every other weekend fri-Sunday but obviously different over festive period

* That doesn't mean everybody is in the same boat.*

Hence me asking if any other single parents feel the same way as me

I can’t see the confusion?

I think it's because you call yourself a single parent whilst you share with your ex. Not exactly the same as a single - lone - parent, who has to deal with absolutely everything and doesn't get these few days off you are boasting about in your OP.

Well if you call two weekends a month “sharing” parenting, which involves him taking them out for breakfast and to theme parks.... then yes I suppose I do share parenting!

But surely if you’re single and a (resident) parent you’re a single parent? The term doesn’t only mean those whose ex has zero involvement does it?

Not boasting
Just happy in a situation that doesn’t fit the traditional Disney image of a family and sometimes it’s worth a shout out.

@ColdTattyWaitingForSummer

Exactly
But it seems it’s something of a competitive sport for some

I love it too. Older teenage DS who pretty much do their own thing most of the time. I'm looking forward to spending Christmas Day with my family (no arguments over who's parents to see). The rest of the time will be spent going to yoga, long dog walks and catching up with my friends. It's so much easier and less stressful being single!

This is lovely.
I'm a newly single parent and I'm feeling very overwhelmed and nervous for the future at the moment so this has really helped lift my spirits.
It's nice to there are some good bits to look forward to

@chocolatcroissant

There are, there really really are. Can be hard to see in the early days though.

But it seems it’s something of a competitive sport for some

you mean for people who start a thread comparing their lovely life with others who must have an awful time? I wonder who starts the competition on threads like this?

Odd