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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I buggered up with neighbour

83 replies

Clappingforjoy · 19/12/2019 11:46

Go easy please but I am contemplating on apologising to my neighbour for been a knob yesterday.
My neighbour in flat above is sort of the fussy sort she hasnt complained excessively about things that me and dp may do or dont do we have had things such as banging on the ceiling at night if we chat and it's quite late and then yesterday she complained about my dp leaving dusty footprints outside her door and down footprints he is in building trade so things can get messy.
Her door is on the side thru a doorway and our shed is thru this door so it's like communal access. Yesterday she opened the door and said she is fed up of dusty footprints and to please clean up and that do knows he is doing it and doesnt offer to clean it.
I feel I handled it wrong as I told her that we need to try and give some leeway if in a communal setting and she ranted at me that she was giving a simple request to clean up ourselves and that she never complains about other stuff like the door banging shut and the mess in our garden caused by when dh removed old cupboards removed from the shed which we hadn't of yet managed to dispose of.
I feel aibu and feel that I need to apologise.

OP posts:
Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 19/12/2019 11:47

Oh sorry for grammar heck

OP posts:
Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 19/12/2019 11:48

Should also say footprints leading down footpath to doorway

OP posts:
NoMorePoliticsPlease · 19/12/2019 11:51

I wouldnt apologise, just clean the communal area and try and reduce some of the things she is annoyed about

OrangeHue · 19/12/2019 11:51

I wouldn’t apologise, Just clean up from now on- I think that’s showing her you’ve listened to her.

As for her banging on the ceiling. That’s a bit much and rude.

Streamside · 19/12/2019 11:51

Apologize, you obviously know you need to and make a New Year resolution to be a better neighbour.

Cornettoninja · 19/12/2019 11:54

Could he not just take his work boots off at the main door and walk through in his socks? I’m presuming both come off before he walks through your home?

Cornettoninja · 19/12/2019 11:54

Banging for normal living noise at a reasonable time would just earn her a banging back from me though.

Hohonoshow · 19/12/2019 11:57

Will he do it? (Clean after himself). Could get a brush and leave it at the door.
I think she would appreciate a clean close more than an apology.

MerryChristmasEveryone1974 · 19/12/2019 11:59

What you think of as normal talking might actually be louder than you think. We live in a middle floor flat, you would be surprised at how much noise (including banging) we hear from our downstairs neighbours. It doesn't help that they've got 4 children in a 2-bedroom flat, but they are also the world's loudest talkers - especially when they're on the phone.

The footprints definitely need to be cleared up once your partner has got home and got clean shoes on. That dust could be being carried into her flat if she opens the door - I know this because dust comes in from our hallway into our flat. It's very annoying.

Witchofzog · 19/12/2019 11:59

Yabu. If the footprints were in your own home then of course you would clean them up so why wouldn't you clean them from the communal area? It might mean she is then bringing the dust into her own home. Also dispose of your cupboards. They are obviously an eyesore and the longer you leave them the mankier they will get.

ohprettybaby · 19/12/2019 11:59

Send her a nice Christmas card with your apology in it and make sure you/your husband cleans up in future and you keep the noise down late at night. Noise travels in flats as they generally aren't very well sound-insulated.

LaMarschallin · 19/12/2019 12:03

Do you really want to apologise given that she's "fussy" and she "ranted" at you.

Or do you want to be told that she's BU and given positive strokes for even thinking of apologising?

In the time it's taken to post on here, you could have apologised already if you really feel you should.

littleduckeggblue · 19/12/2019 12:04

Apologise and clean up

Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 19/12/2019 12:05

Well I was more annoyed at the way the husband came down shouting what about that mess you left out there we have to look at it everyday. It has now been cleaned up

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Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 19/12/2019 12:07

I said she could have any old riffraff move in family of kids etc etc and she would get worse than footprints Blush

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Blacksackunderthetreesfreeze · 19/12/2019 12:08

He does need to clean up after himself, that’s for sure.

Yarboosucks · 19/12/2019 12:09

General life rule is that if you think you need to apologise, you do need to. Do it, mean it, clean up and you will not have to live feeling awkward. But do clean up; once communal areas go into decline it drags everyone down.

Witchofzog · 19/12/2019 12:09

You were defensive and wrong. She probably does think you are riff raff to be honest

Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 19/12/2019 12:10

Yes I went out yesterday with a wheelbarrow taking all the stuff to the car and when I came back she had had the mops out

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LaMarschallin · 19/12/2019 12:11

Well I was more annoyed at the way the husband came down shouting what about that mess you left out there we have to look at it everyday. It has now been cleaned up

Go and apologise now.

It'll save any more drip feeding on this thread about them yelling/making a scene/ranting/shouting about something else.

(It sounds like you don't want to apologise, so don't.)

Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 19/12/2019 12:12

Think it left tyre marks which I would have cleaned up once done anyway

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Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 19/12/2019 12:13

Well I dont want to look like I am grovelling

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nowaypose · 19/12/2019 12:14

YABU. You would clean the mess up in your own home so I don’t understand why the communal areas are any different. She’s probably peed off because she has to walk through the dust to get into her own flat, nobody wants that.

Get her a box of chocolates and apologise, clean up the mess in future.

purplecorkheart · 19/12/2019 12:15

You did handle it the wrong way. Your husband bring in dust on his work boots is unreasonable. It sounds like it happens often and you don't always clean it up immediate. I would be telling my husband to remove his boots before going in the hallway.

Also I think those presses should be moved immediately after being removed even if you have to pay for someone to take them away. They should not be left till your husband gets around to them.

To be honest you both sound very inconsiderate neighbours.

MatildaTheCat · 19/12/2019 12:16

Nothing worse than to be enemies with such close neighbours so yes, apologise either in person or a Christmas card and try to be more considerate in future.