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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I buggered up with neighbour

83 replies

Clappingforjoy · 19/12/2019 11:46

Go easy please but I am contemplating on apologising to my neighbour for been a knob yesterday.
My neighbour in flat above is sort of the fussy sort she hasnt complained excessively about things that me and dp may do or dont do we have had things such as banging on the ceiling at night if we chat and it's quite late and then yesterday she complained about my dp leaving dusty footprints outside her door and down footprints he is in building trade so things can get messy.
Her door is on the side thru a doorway and our shed is thru this door so it's like communal access. Yesterday she opened the door and said she is fed up of dusty footprints and to please clean up and that do knows he is doing it and doesnt offer to clean it.
I feel I handled it wrong as I told her that we need to try and give some leeway if in a communal setting and she ranted at me that she was giving a simple request to clean up ourselves and that she never complains about other stuff like the door banging shut and the mess in our garden caused by when dh removed old cupboards removed from the shed which we hadn't of yet managed to dispose of.
I feel aibu and feel that I need to apologise.

OP posts:
Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 19/12/2019 12:16

Well grovelling or not I feel I handled it wrong and should just let any further complaints go it's not worth it

OP posts:
Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 19/12/2019 12:17

I dont want to feel awkward

OP posts:
WeeDangerousSpike · 19/12/2019 12:18

My DP is a builder. He carries clean trainers in his van that he uses to come indoors/if he needs to go into a customers house.

Could that be an option if he doesn't want to walk through in his socks?

You can also get slip on shoe covers (the ones that look like shower caps), but they can be a bit slippy on hard floors.

I think it's an unfortunate combo of mismatched standards. I'm not sure either of you are exactly wrong, you just don't agree. I can see how the cupboards would be annoying for them though, they don't know if you're planning to shift them or leave them forever (I know they're gone now) so that could have been a worry that they would be the tip of the iceberg.

The ceiling bashing would give me the rage.

Letseatgrandma · 19/12/2019 12:20

Yes, I think you handled it wrong. Your DH needs to not make a mess in the communal area-removing his boots is one option, sweeping up his mess is another

Clearing old shite out of your shed and leaving it outside the property is pretty annoying too. How long did you leave it there?

Sounds like you aren’t being very considerate neighbours.

Misscromwellrocks · 19/12/2019 12:23

I live in an apartment block and people walking dirt and dust all over the communal area and just leaving it there are seriously annoying. I would apologise and clean up. You really shouldn't have had to be told more than once.

Interestedwoman · 19/12/2019 12:25

Communal access doesn't get that grotty with the average tenant.

She's right if your DH is making the place look worse than it would be if he weren't doing the activities he's doing. If it looks more unsightly than it would, he should clean up after himself.

You could apologise as she was reasonable to want him to do this, but as I think others have said, you personally shouldn't have to and your DH could apologise and act on what she's said.

You could apologise, it'd be a good gesture to help improve things. If you haven't already, you could drop her an xmas card which will increase good will. You could even apologise in the card and say he'll clean up after himself from now on. If you've already sent a card, you could give a present- just a little box of chocs or something.

It makes all the difference to be relaxed at home/not be on bad terms with neighbours, so it's worth doing. Best wishes xx

Equanimitas · 19/12/2019 12:30

That's fine, just go and apologise. And educate your partner in how to use a doormat.

Mamabear88 · 19/12/2019 12:30

You both sound like terrible neighbours. Write a nice xmas card with an apology and make sure these inconsiderate things don't happen again.

katy1213 · 19/12/2019 12:33

Does your husband have a building site voice? I'd be banging on the ceiling too.

DarlingNikita · 19/12/2019 12:35

the husband came down shouting what about that mess you left out there we have to look at it everyday.

I wouldn't apologise to anyone who had shouted at me. I'd be pissed off about banging on the floor because I was talking too Confused

Your DH certainly should start cleaning up dust etc in the communal area, but that's all. Don't bend over backwards. She sounds like a pain and I think she needs a life – getting the mops out the second someone walks on the floor? Does she have nothing better to do?

DarlingNikita · 19/12/2019 12:36

Clearing old shite out of your shed and leaving it outside the property is pretty annoying too. How long did you leave it there?

Oh Christ, why do people get so het up about this? Unless you actually have to squeeze past or climb over other people's rubbish, I just don't see why some people find it so annoying.

NomNomNomNom · 19/12/2019 12:37

I would write a Christmas card with an apology like PP suggested. Sometimes just a small token of good will like that can make a huge difference as to how things are interpreted in the future. If you've apologised and clean up after yourself in future she's more likely to be more easy going and not instantly run out with the mop every time DH walks past in his work boots. If someone is constantly doing low level irritating stuff and leaving a mess your tolerance becomes a lot lower.

AutumnRose1 · 19/12/2019 12:38

Apologise and say “let’s start again” and smile. That’s not grovelling.

maddening · 19/12/2019 12:39

Just say "look sorry I got defensive, you caught me off guard on a bad day, obviously we would always aim to be good neighbours, it's give and take when you live in close quarters isn't it, I have cleaned up out back and will leave slippers by the front door so dh doesn't come through in his work shoes."

viques · 19/12/2019 12:42

Of course you are unreasonable.

Because reasonable people

Would have left the cupboards in the shed until they had arranged for them to be disposed of.

Would have been more considerate about tracking dirt (it's not dust is it, it's dirty footprints from God knows where) through the communal areas and would have cleaned it up immediately .

Would be a bit more careful about banging doors.

I'm not surprised they are angry and shouty with you, you sound entitled and grubby . You should apologise because your actions and inactions are impinging on their life.

Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 19/12/2019 12:44

Maddening that bit about give and take will start her off again lol

OP posts:
Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 19/12/2019 12:46

The door keeps banging shut because I think it needs a restricter fixing on.

OP posts:
Nat6999 · 19/12/2019 12:53

I wouldn't apologise, the footprints could be anyone, the postman, deliveries etc. It is all part of communal living, I have an alcoholic living upstairs from me & after a fortnight of her buzzing my door because she had lost her fob in one of her drunken wanders I lost my temper & told her to not buzz me again & it seems to have worked. She probably doesn't have anything better to do but twitch her curtains all day.

Yarboosucks · 19/12/2019 12:54

You sound like you are a nice person and a nice person would apologise. The fact that she came out and clean up the wheel marks sounds like she was being conciliatory too.

lovemenorca · 19/12/2019 12:56

Communal should be treated with same care as if your own.

Your DH would remove his dusty shoes before entering his own home. Therefore he should in communal OR he should vacuum immediately

Apology all well and good but you actually have to follow up with action for it to mean anything

Keepmewarm · 19/12/2019 13:16

How about a Christmas card and bottle of wine with a short apology and a promise to clean up.

Biscuitsdisappear · 19/12/2019 13:24

If your DP doesn't clean up the mess that he left in the communal area who do you suggest should clean it up?

MutedUser · 19/12/2019 13:24

Don’t buy her wine if the husband shouted at you. I’m sure all she wants is the dust cleaned away. Just do it from now on and leave it at that. If you don’t really mean the apology it will just end up in another heated argument . If you bring it all up again.

MintyMabel · 19/12/2019 13:31

he is in building trade so things can get messy.

Things can also get cleaned up. He can also take his boots off at the door.

Nothing worse than inconsiderate neighbours.

Cornettoninja · 19/12/2019 13:32

But you already clearly feel awkward??

I wouldn’t have a conversation especially to apologise but I would make the effort not to create a mess in the communal area once I knew how much it bothered my neighbours.

Be on top of it for a few months and they’ll probably calm down.

the footprints could be anyone, the postman, deliveries etc

To a point, but if he’s a builder there’s a good chance his footwear is significantly more mucky than the average Joe’s shoes. I get annoyed when dp doesn’t sweep the path after his mowed the grass because all the bits find their way into the house. People generally avoid puddles/mud when they’re walking about so it cuts down on what makes it indoors.