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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I cancel my holiday for the wedding?

68 replies

Heather021983 · 18/12/2019 18:29

So we booked a uk holiday in the UK for school holidays as that week was £400 cheaper for the accommodation then other weeks. Ive just found out a family member is getting married that week and wants my kids as page boys/ flower girls. All 4 are 5 and under and its a 6 hour drive each way. They did come to our wedding in Cyprus 2 years ago. Our holiday is all paid for as we dont have loads of spare cash so I pay for things when I can afford them. the bride has bern laying it on thick for a week now about how she is so upset we arent going. Is it wrong i dont want to miss 3 if our 7 day holiday at the wedding spending 12 hours in the car with 4 kids under 6!? Its the only quality time we spend as all year as a family as all other days off are taken covering school holidays. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
CakeandCustard28 · 18/12/2019 18:31

YANBU. Enjoy your holiday OP. She’ll get over it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/12/2019 18:31

She’s wrong. If you want a wedding in the summer holidays you give people plenty of notice precisely because people make plans.

MinnieMountain · 18/12/2019 18:32

What relative is it?

highheelsandweathercocks · 18/12/2019 18:34

Yours was booked first. Unfortunate, but that's life.

flouncyfanny · 18/12/2019 18:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NerrSnerr · 18/12/2019 18:36

YANBU for wanting to go on holiday. I'd possibly cancel the holiday for a sibling or parent if I really liked them but anyone else I wouldn't.

jillandhersprite · 18/12/2019 18:36

No do not cancel.
If they really want you there they could have checked your availability/commitments especially since they want your cute kids in the wedding party before they confirmed their own date.
They didn't do any of that - are they willing to pay for an alternative holiday since this one will be lost - I bet not...
Unless there is some other kind of drip feed that one of them is dying and it's a last minute thing they have organised because there is no other choice... That's about the only reason I would accept for their lack of consideration...

Finfintytint · 18/12/2019 18:37

She’ll get over it. Enjoy your break. Brides can get very caught up with themselves.

NotStayingIn · 18/12/2019 18:38

As much as a year in advance notice can feel a bit silly at times it’s there to stop this from happening. If she didn’t give you lots of notice she can’t now be upset about it.

I would answer differently if there is a backstory; that you also hadn’t given her much notice and she had to cancel another event for your wedding.

HanginWithMyGnomies · 18/12/2019 18:38

Yours was booked first and she really hasn’t given you a lot of notice for a summer wedding? Our summer holidays were booked and paid for last year for 2020.

misspiggy19 · 18/12/2019 18:39

I can see why she is being funny especially as they must have spent alot of money travelling to your destination wedding in Cyprus.

Raphael34 · 18/12/2019 18:40

Go on holiday. It is what it is and she shouldn’t be guilt tripping you. Is there a reason why she has to have it at the same date? If she wants you there that badly then she should change hers

Drum2018 · 18/12/2019 18:42

Go on your holiday. Don't make apologies. Just state that the holiday is booked and paid for and you cannot change it. Don't give her any leeway to find a compromise or for her to try to change your minds. I'm sure they can find some other kids to do the job.

Scarsthelot · 18/12/2019 18:42

Surely a relative close enough to be upset you arent going to her wedding, or that desperately wants your kids there......would have made sure you can make the date?

Or is said relative just thinking about what will look food in photos?

Purpleartichoke · 18/12/2019 18:42

If she considered you a must have guest, she would have checked the date with you in advance. That can’t be done for every guest, but certainly for parents, siblings, and anyone else considered must attend.

RandomMess · 18/12/2019 18:43

Go on holiday, it's a shame it clashes but that's life unfortunately.

NWQM · 18/12/2019 18:43

We'd go on our holiday unless it was someone very close but then I would expect to have had a save the day anyway.

Has it been a quick engagement?

Dyrne · 18/12/2019 18:43

If you want a wedding at a popular time of year for holidays then you either a) give people a fuckton of notice; or b) accept that some people will be unable to come.

If you wanted to fuck with her you could just as easily turn it round on her and say she must not really want you there as if she was that concerned about guaranteeing your attendance she’d have checked that the date worked with you. (I personally think that logic is batshit but it’s just as batshit as her giving you a few months notice and expecting you to cancel a holiday!)

Expressedways · 18/12/2019 18:44

If it was really that important for you and your family to be there then she should have given more notice and/or checked with you before confirming the date. But she didn’t and it’s unfortunately just one of those things. Don’t cancel your holiday.

Thestrangestthing · 18/12/2019 18:44

She's onky upset becaise she wants your dcs as props for her wedding. Go enjoy your holiday.

Popc0rn · 18/12/2019 18:45

YANBU, having lots of flower girls/page boys who are all under 5 sounds like a bit of a silly idea anyway. Yes, it's nice to include family in your wedding, but all the weddings I've been to that have had tiny flower girls etc have involved a tantrum and a very frazzled looking parent running after them.

delilahbucket · 18/12/2019 18:47

Our wedding is in the school holidays, so we gave all key people the date 16 months in advance and sent the invites a year in advance, just so we could avoid this. You have to give plenty of notice. I don't understand the whole "day invites six months before and night invites three months before". I personally don't think that is enough time, even more so if accommodation has to be booked.

kristallen · 18/12/2019 18:48

What relative? Sister or second cousin twice removed?

I'd be interested if you said you could go, but the kids won't be coming, what her reaction to that would be.

Justmuddlingalong · 18/12/2019 18:49

No contest IMO. You've already got big plans. You're booked. Enjoy your holiday. Don't get sucked into her guilt tripping you. As PP have said, your kids are wanted as photo props.

SecretMillionaire · 18/12/2019 18:54

Enjoy your holiday. It’s unfortunate but the bride should have given more notice. A relaxing holiday vs 12 hours in a car with bored children is a no brainer particularly when the holiday is already booked and paid for.