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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I cancel my holiday for the wedding?

68 replies

Heather021983 · 18/12/2019 18:29

So we booked a uk holiday in the UK for school holidays as that week was £400 cheaper for the accommodation then other weeks. Ive just found out a family member is getting married that week and wants my kids as page boys/ flower girls. All 4 are 5 and under and its a 6 hour drive each way. They did come to our wedding in Cyprus 2 years ago. Our holiday is all paid for as we dont have loads of spare cash so I pay for things when I can afford them. the bride has bern laying it on thick for a week now about how she is so upset we arent going. Is it wrong i dont want to miss 3 if our 7 day holiday at the wedding spending 12 hours in the car with 4 kids under 6!? Its the only quality time we spend as all year as a family as all other days off are taken covering school holidays. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Jupiters · 18/12/2019 19:56

Go on your holiday. It was booked first.

Clangus00 · 18/12/2019 19:56

It was their choice to go to Cyprus for your wedding, that doesn’t mean you owe them.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 18/12/2019 19:59

@L0bstersLass

You could send that to an old school mate, say. But I get the impression this is a sibling or a close cousin. Who they see all the time.

vassdal · 18/12/2019 20:01

No don't cancel.
If they wanted your children involved they should have asked before booking if there was any time you weren't available and then booked the wedding accordingly.
If they had done this before you booked your holiday then you could have made sure you kept the date of the wedding free.

What relative is it?

carly2803 · 18/12/2019 20:01

enjoy your holiday!

Surreyblah · 18/12/2019 20:01

Is she your or your H’s sibling, or a more distant relative?

If a sibling and you knew she was engaged it would’ve been sensible to query the wedding date before booking a holiday.

Sexnotgender · 18/12/2019 20:02

Your holiday was booked first and is all paid for.

Unless it’s IMMEDIATE family (like brother, sister, daughter etc.) then tough.

Lochroy · 18/12/2019 20:03

For critical attendees, I would expect the B&G to check the date with them before booking the wedding for exactly this reason!

Of course you can go on your holiday. She can lay it on as thick as she likes, you'd be there if you weren't on holiday.

GreenBasket · 18/12/2019 20:08

What school holiday is it?! If you're talking next year Easter or Summer then she's definitely not being unreasonable to ask this far in advance and it's lovely she wants your kids involved; if you can't make it because you would prefer your holiday then that's fair enough and she shouldn't complain; though she can quite rightly grumble to herself that she gave plenty of notice. No one is particularly in the wrong imo.

dreamingofsun · 18/12/2019 20:09

as someone else said, have you tried to rearrange the dates for your holiday? One of my kids graduation ceremony's was in the middle of ours and the cottage people were fine with rescheduling at no extra cost

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 18/12/2019 20:11

YANBU. Normally I'd say you should go as she went to Cyprus for your wedding but as you've already booked a holiday then that takes priority. If she wanted you and your children there she should have checked the dates with you first.

rhubarbcrumbles · 18/12/2019 20:15

The holiday was booked first and the insurance, if you have it, wouldn't cover you for a wedding anyway. Go on holiday and enjoy it, she should have checked the dates with you much earlier if she wanted your children to be part of the bridal party.

Branleuse · 18/12/2019 20:15

If its someone close, id check with the accomodation whether it can be changed to a different week or moved a few days. If youre really nice about it, you might be surprised

DisgruntledGuineaPig · 18/12/2019 20:20

I agree that if your family were "must have" attendees, and she wanted your dcs to be part of the wedding party, then she should have checked you could do the date first, or even at the planning stage asked if you had any clashes, then sent a "save the date" immediately.

Would the travel company allow you to move to another week? (Assuming only 1 dc is school aged and in reception, you could look at term time)

marchingonwithmother · 18/12/2019 20:27

Depends who it is really. If it was my sister I'd do everything I could to change the holiday dates and if I couldn't then I'd give up 3 days of holiday. The amount of time in the car is manageable.

However, it's your life and YANBU to prioritise your holiday if that's what you want

Jimdandy · 18/12/2019 20:37

If your holiday was booked first then she is being unreasonable.

Schuyler · 18/12/2019 20:47

I’d move or cancel for an immediate family member but otherwise, nope. Even then, I’d still expect someone that close to me to tell me well in advance unless it’s a last minute thing.

Original poster

Heather021983 · 18/12/2019 21:34

Thanks for the comments, its made me feel a bit better. It isn't a sibling and we only see them once or twice a year but did do a lot together when we were kids. they have no children of their own and in answer to one question it is the last week of the school holidays

OP posts:

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