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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I cancel my holiday for the wedding?

68 replies

Heather021983 · 18/12/2019 18:29

So we booked a uk holiday in the UK for school holidays as that week was £400 cheaper for the accommodation then other weeks. Ive just found out a family member is getting married that week and wants my kids as page boys/ flower girls. All 4 are 5 and under and its a 6 hour drive each way. They did come to our wedding in Cyprus 2 years ago. Our holiday is all paid for as we dont have loads of spare cash so I pay for things when I can afford them. the bride has bern laying it on thick for a week now about how she is so upset we arent going. Is it wrong i dont want to miss 3 if our 7 day holiday at the wedding spending 12 hours in the car with 4 kids under 6!? Its the only quality time we spend as all year as a family as all other days off are taken covering school holidays. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
dognamedspot · 18/12/2019 18:56

No, don't cancel. The fact that you've already booked and paid for a holiday is reason enough.

Danni12 · 18/12/2019 18:58

I'd only cancel for a sibling I think.... enjoy your holiday....they should have sent a Save the Date nice and early on to ensure people were free...

CluelessNewMama · 18/12/2019 18:59

YANBU. We had our wedding in the summer and some people couldn’t come because they had booked holidays. It’s a shame but I’d never expect them to cancel.

Enjoy your holiday and just send them a nice gift.

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 18/12/2019 19:00

Yours was booked first. Unfortunate, but that's life

This. I'd be gutted I couldn't go, but she should have checked first.
You can't just cancel easily and potentially lose lots of money to boot.

Frozenfan2019 · 18/12/2019 19:08

The only thing I would say is have you tried to rearrange the holiday? At this early stage the venue might be happy to rearrange it. I get that it would cost a bit more though.
It all depends on how important it is to you. You certainly don't have a duty to rearrange your plans.

Afolnerd · 18/12/2019 19:09

We booked our wedding at really short notice (3 months) as the venue we wanted gave huge discounts for the dates that hadn’t been booked. Before we confirmed with the venue we phoned everyone that we desperately wanted there and checked they were free. We have had a few friends that have already made plans and we would never expect them to change them for us.
Go and enjoy your holiday, the bride will get over it.

Bunney2020 · 18/12/2019 19:10

If it's a sibling it's probably a grey area but further outside of the immediate family I would say you had the holiday first, so that takes priority.

'm getting married next year and my uncle's girlfriend has booked them a holiday for the same time as the wedding (they we're aware of the date long before they booked it) but I don't care. It's a wedding not a court summons (and saves us about £100 on food), so I'd say to them go for it (but he took the cowardly way out and told my mum to tell me lol).

MadameButterface · 18/12/2019 19:10

Yanbu, tell her to get her save the date cards sent out in good time next time she gets married Wink

CrimsonCattery · 18/12/2019 19:20

Go on holiday. You need the rest.

5foot5 · 18/12/2019 19:20

We have been in a similar position and chose the holiday. It was one we had been saving up for for ages and we had booked and paid for flights and accommodation months ahead. Then a family member decided to get married giving only three months notice and wanted DD to be a bridesmaid. We declined. We did look at the possibility of changing flights to come home 2 days early but it would have cost an arm and a leg. I don't think the bride ever really forgave us. Meh, they are divorced now anyway!

MyFavouriteThings91 · 18/12/2019 19:21

I wouldn’t cancel. YANBU

If you’re getting married in the school holidays (especially summer) you need to give at least a years notice (ideally more).

We got married outside of the school holidays but on a weekend, we gave 6 months notice and two close friends had already booked a long haul holiday for that week. We’d spent considerable time and money traveling to their wedding too but that didn’t change anything - it was just unfortunate timing. We never considered that they should cancel their holiday 😂 👍🏻

WhereYouLeftIt · 18/12/2019 19:23

" Ive just found out a family member is getting married that week and wants my kids as page boys/ flower girls. All 4 are 5 and under and its a 6 hour drive each way"

If that's what your family member wanted then they should have given you a heads-up that they'd like your children involved, BEFORE they actually got as far as booking dates etc.

Have a nice holiday, and next time she tries to guilt you point out family holidays take almost as much preparation as a wedding, such a pity she was arranging hers on the hoof, as it were.

theweebleshavelanded · 18/12/2019 19:23

i reckon she only wants you and the kids there as theyll make cute props and photos. IF she really wanted you to come , she`d have asked way before!

ArlenesWoodBurningStove · 18/12/2019 19:25

A good holiday always trumps a wedding, nobody is ever as interested in a wedding as the bride thinks they are.

NorthernLightsInWinter · 18/12/2019 19:26

Just say no and enjoy your holiday. She should have planned better. I'm sure you're not the only ones who have declined, which is why she's upset, but not your problem.

Iloveacurry · 18/12/2019 19:26

Go on your holiday. If she wanted the kids in the wedding party, she should of checked the date first.

sue51 · 18/12/2019 19:28

You booked the holiday first therefore you go.

WhoCaresWins01 · 18/12/2019 19:33

Go on holiday! You have implied that money is tight - don't waste the holiday you have paid for.

On another note - how much would it cost to attend the wedding? Would you need to buy outfits / pay for hotels etc

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 18/12/2019 19:38

If its your sister then you have to cancel

If its anyone else, not so much

Except they bothered their arse and spent a load of money no doubt to go to your destination wedding. So it is poor form, even if you are already booked.

paranoidmum2 · 18/12/2019 19:39

YANBU. Money doesn’t grow on trees. You’ve booked and paid for the holiday and should go.

Cherrysoup · 18/12/2019 19:42

She only wants cute kids in matching outfit pictures. She should have been more organised and sent save the date cards. YANBU.

surreygirl1987 · 18/12/2019 19:47

I have people a Save the Date card almost 2 years in advance precisely for this reason. We got married mid July and wanted people to know before they booked up holidays. Sounds like your relative needed to plan ahead a bit better!

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 18/12/2019 19:49

She only wants cute kids in matching outfit pictures

says who?

perhaps she wants her family at her wedding. having shlepped to cyprus for the OPs

L0bstersLass · 18/12/2019 19:49

Send her a card with this message in it.
Dear x. Thank you for the invitation to your wedding. It's lovely that you think so much of our children that you would want to involve them in your big day. Regrettably, we already have plans for that date that have been paid for in advance and cannot be changed. We'll be sure to raise a glass to you. I'm sure you'll have a wonderful day.

pictish · 18/12/2019 19:53

Oo but they flew to Cyprus for your wedding.

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