Child handover arrangement

[Choice4567]

So these sorts of issues have been rumbling along for about 4 years now between exH and I regarding DD. We have no formal agreement in place regarding contact, but for the last 3 years ex had her 2 nights a week and every other weekend. In the summer he got a new job and moved 150 miles north. He now sees DD once a month.

Over Christmas as previously arranged I'm having her over Christmas, and she goes to his Boxing Day. He's now refusing to come to mine to pick her up, saying his family time with his new girlfriend is just as important as my family time, so I should meet him halfway.

I don't particular want to argue over whose family time is 'precious'. However I do think that if he chose to move 150 miles away it's up to him to make the journey on Boxing Day

I really can't tell if I'm being unreasonable or not. He has a tendency to just tell me what's happening and assume I'll fall in line

Has maintenance been increased to reflect his reduction in overnights 😂

It's horrible when exes behave in this way, if he was a reasonable person you would willingly work something out but he's shown that he's full of entitled and your role is to facilitate what he wants.

I understand your wanting to say no to meeting halfway. He moved, he changed the normal that was working for your family. And now he is being a selfish prick putting a gf before his child.
You should definitely get a formal visitation schedule as soon as possible & be as specific to as many things you possibly can, if there is any reason to expect him to cause issues in the future.
That being said, I have an novel idea. (But it works best when both parents are putting the child first as one can become resentful if they are doing "more" than the other all the time)
What about asking your child what they want? (Age appropriate of course) Your child has had a major change to their life. Someone who was a part of their daily life just changed their normal & all the rules they were used to on them. It is entirely possible that your child wants to see their father because they miss them after such a major change. I understand it isn't ideal or fair that you should have to drive more because of his desire to change the logistics but someday your child will remember that their mother went above & beyond to make sure that their emotional & mental wellbeing was most important when it mattered most. Your child will be grateful for that. You are also teaching your child how to parent in a very present way.
You can also use the time in the car to really focus on your child, getting a chance to talk or even start a new tradition of exploring the new area along the way. If you can, after drop off or before pickup find a way to get a bit of you-time out of the situation. See a friend you don't normally see in the area, find a new town & explore it, find something that adds value to the situation & makes you feel better if you can.
It isn't really about your ex, at least it doesn't have to be. It may even drive him nuts you have turned it into something positive for you & your child to share. Who knows, it could become a precious, favorite part of your holiday to have the quality time with your kiddo in the car. I know I also relish the time I get to drive by myself, with music on, letting my mind wander to clear my head, maybe you will too?
I definitely agree that your ex doesn't get to order you around. I know in the states parents are supposed to split drive time equally. Whether that is meet in the middle or the parent doing pickup drives all the way. So he would drive to your home to get your child & you to his when you get your kid back. Good luck, all in all. I hope this helps out a little.

@USAmomwith1cherub I get what your saying. And I don't even need to ask DD, I know she'll love spending time with her dad and his family. However she has separation anxiety since he moved away and finds handovers stressful. I'm not in anyway trying to stop her seeing him. I just don't like that he gets to dictate pick ups and drop offs when he chose to move 150 miles away

Also this is going to be Boxing Day, I won't have time to hang around afterwards, I'll need to get back to the children, parents and siblings I've left at home whilst I go and take her to a shopping centre car park

I honestly think on Boxing Day you clearly have other commitments, shopping centre car park and roads to could be rammed etc.

I really think I would say "no" but I'll consider it as part mediation.

He is having her for a week he has a week in between journeys and DD will want to make the most of her time with your family Boxing Day not potentially sat in a car park for an hour if he gets stuck in traffic.

Have driven long distances on Boxing Day - roads were hell!

He moved away so court would view it as his job had you moved it would be your responsibility.