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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

UCAS utterly unfair

626 replies

Iwasneveragoddess · 17/12/2019 18:25

My third child is filling out his UCAS form and as happened with his sister he has to put the highest earner in the household on the form, which will affect his loan, this isn’t me it’s my DH who is not father to any of my children.

He is still paying maintenance for his own children and is not financially responsible for mine, how on earth is this fair?

OP posts:
Original poster
Iwasneveragoddess · 18/12/2019 21:49

Trewser I was in my own for 10 years living hand to mouth - saving for the kids Uni funds was not only not possible, it was the last thing on my mind when I was struggling to pay the mortgage and working and studying for my degree which my employer paid for.

OP posts:
Trewser · 18/12/2019 21:53

I didn't save either.

Original poster
Iwasneveragoddess · 18/12/2019 21:55

Well fine - we do not have the disposable income to fund him.

Esp as DH will be coming out of the forces next year and has no idea what career path he will take.

OP posts:
Trewser · 18/12/2019 21:57

So he can't go?

Original poster
Iwasneveragoddess · 18/12/2019 21:59

Yes he can go.

He will have to get a job and his father is going to help.

OP posts:
Devereux1 · 18/12/2019 22:00

Trewser Why do you keep badgering the OP? On and on at her when your questions aren't even relevant.

By the way, if my child only picked up the odd shift in a cafe whilst at university, I wouldn't be proud of that. Hmm

Original poster
Iwasneveragoddess · 18/12/2019 22:01

Oh and before anyone says anything DH (my 2nd husband but thanks for the judgy comments) ex wife gets half his payout and part of his pension.

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 18/12/2019 22:03

Well of course she would. She was his wife. What did you get from your ex husband?

Trewser · 18/12/2019 22:03

By the way, if my child only picked up the odd shift in a cafe whilst at university, I wouldn't be proud of that well, we are all different! She is studying a very full-on course and will earn well after graduating. She will work for about 8 weeks in the summer, 2 of which will be course related. She's extremely good at budgeting and very independent. She's ace, she doesn't need to get a job in tescos to prove herself to me.

Trewser · 18/12/2019 22:04

Yes he can go. He will have to get a job and his father is going to help great!

Original poster
Iwasneveragoddess · 18/12/2019 22:05

They were married for five years, he has been in service for 27.

I got nothing from my ex husband, and had to buy him out of the house.

OP posts:
Schuyler · 18/12/2019 22:20

When you marry someone who already has children, you accept the financial burden. You can’t go back and resent it all this time later. I married someone with a child and fully committed myself to his pre-existing financial (and other) obligations.

If your son is a bright young man with a part time job, he’s already at an advantage and I’m sure he’ll make it work for him.

Original poster
Iwasneveragoddess · 18/12/2019 22:21

Uni age people aren’t “children”.

OP posts:
Schuyler · 18/12/2019 22:25

For the purpose of student finance, they are financial dependents.

Schuyler · 18/12/2019 22:34

and you’ve repeatedly said you think the SF loan should be based on your wage only. I thought you were angry at the system of the full household income being taken into account. If you’re talking about the whole system of every student being assessed on their parents’ income, then that’s different and affects everybody. I do think the system needs a massive overhaul. I don’t see how it’d work having the step parent’s income ignored. It’s either overhaul it for everyone or not at all.

Original poster
Iwasneveragoddess · 18/12/2019 22:35

Funny though isn’t it that the NRP isn’t required to pay maintenance.

On MN though the step parent is Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Iwasneveragoddess · 18/12/2019 22:37

Its the highest wage earner in the household.

If the highest wage earner is not the child’s parent/legal guardian then that’s not fair.

OP posts:
Schuyler · 18/12/2019 22:38

I said a few posts up that your son’s father should be paying. Your anger should be directed at your ex, rather than the system, although I agree the system of student finance is bonkers. If your ex were to financially step up, this would plug the financial gap.

Original poster
Iwasneveragoddess · 18/12/2019 22:39

He has offered to.

But my DS should be able to get the loan and pay it back.

OP posts:
Schuyler · 18/12/2019 22:40

Is it not the combined household income anyway? It always used to be the case, perhaps it has changed as it’s been a while since I looked.

Original poster
Iwasneveragoddess · 18/12/2019 22:41

No it’s the highest earner.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iwasneveragoddess · 18/12/2019 22:42

Maybe it should at least be the highest earning parent/legal guardian, which is me.

OP posts:
Schuyler · 18/12/2019 22:42

I’m not sure stomping your feet about the unfairness is going to help. Social work is one of those professionals where you see true unfairness and the unjust society. Your son is bright, employed, capable and has some financial support from both his biological parents including a small loan. He has many options. You just want the full loan for him, I get that, you’re his mum and we all want the best for our own. It’s not how it works and I don’t see why his situation is any less fair than other people’s complex financial situations.

Schuyler · 18/12/2019 22:45

The student finance application asks for all household income.

Original poster
Iwasneveragoddess · 18/12/2019 22:48

I think it pisses me off partly because there have been many times when I have worked with families (when a single parent) who were better off with me and “got” everything and my kids didn’t even qualify for FSM as I put all my money into the house, and I really struggled.

This is just a loan, not a benefit, and it’s fof my sons future.

He has Aspergers. We never had him diagnosed formally as we felt it would have held him back but maybe we were wrong.

He is really eager to be independent and it fills me with anxiety. Although he surprised me completely when he went and got a job in Primark of all places.

OP posts: