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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Walking straight through the back door

69 replies

backdoormadness · 16/12/2019 15:13

Name changed as I've recently posted something about my neighbours.. I don't want them to but two and two together.

I've recently moved in with my Nan as my Grandad past away this spring.

Something that has always happened in this house is people just walking in through the back door. The window cleaner comes with his invoice.. walks in, same with family/friends/neighbours/anyone. It happened way before old age crept in and therefore not just due to mobility issues (not wanting them to walk to the front door).

It's got even stranger as someone was in the area, popped in to drop off a christmas card, didn't say hello just popped it on the kitchen side. It absolutely fries my brain that it's acceptable to pop inside someone's house and leave without announcing that they were ever there.

Is this something that everyone used to do in the past or just a strange family quirk?

I've also tried locking the door but instead of people knocking they presume we must be out.

OP posts:

HappyHammy · 16/12/2019 15:19

How do they access the back door. I would tell them to lock it and use the front. If it's easier for them can they have a letterbox in the back.door.

Winterdaysarehere · 16/12/2019 15:26

You need one of these.
Goes from asleep to at the door in less than 3 seconds.

Original poster

backdoormadness · 16/12/2019 15:27

Through the side gate (which isn't able to be locked).

I'm more curious if it's just a weird thing my grandparents have always entertained or if it was the norm when they moved in (1950s/1960s?)

I remember my best friend's parents being perplexed when I walked into their home when we used to walk to school as I thought it was the norm.

OP posts:

CSIblonde · 16/12/2019 15:30

She's asking to be burgled. Put the catch down. If they don't try the front door or text instead, it's hardly urgent .

AgentProvocateur · 16/12/2019 15:30

My friends and I walk into each other’s houses. It’s quite normal for us. My children’s friends also walk into our house. Saves anyone getting up to answer the door, I guess.

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake · 16/12/2019 15:30

We always walked straight into my nans through the back door, I don't remember anyone ever using the front door, this was in the 90's

DontCallMeShitley · 16/12/2019 15:40

People always did this when I lived at home as a child. There was a shared driveway leading to a side gate per house. Milk was delivered via that gate and left at the back door, visitors always went to the back, and would knock and just walk in, coal delivered with just a cursory knock on the back door, and into the coal bunker. Postman and people we didn't know used the front door.

After my father died I kept trying to persuade my mother to bolt the gate or at least lock the back door but she never did. Back door was often left open in warm weather too.

Burglary didn't seem to happen then, or attacks on people in their own homes, but not as much stuff to steal either. There are some places where people just walk into neighbours houses and if they are out they will make a cup of tea and wait for them to return. (More rural).

Lolwhat · 16/12/2019 15:43

Our neighbour borrowed our vacuum and just walked in to drop it off without saying a word or even knocking, think it’s weird

Emeraldshamrock · 16/12/2019 15:45

I think it depends on the area.
If it has always been like that and your Nan has no issue with it.
When she was mobile did she visit neighbours much.
Where DP grew up they never locked doors back or front, neighbour's walked in regularly.
Look at Eastenders too never a minute peace the Mitchells and Beale back door opening.

Yabadee · 16/12/2019 15:47

@Winterdaysarehere that dog is absolutely stunning, I need to cuddle him/her

Fros · 16/12/2019 16:00

While she was still mobile my 90+yo nan never locked the kitchen door, and it wasn't unusual to find a random neighbour/friend had dropped in some excess produce or borrowed something from the kitchen/pantry/shed. But she grew up and lived in the middle of nowhere until her 60s, no mains electricity for most of that time, well water, post had to be collected from the post office and rubbish hauled away themselves. The neighbours all dropped in and out of each others houses so long as it was still light out.
Everyone had free range dogs though

Winterdaysarehere · 16/12/2019 16:08

Yabadee unless you are not planning on being around for Santa I wouldn't advise.
We do have a very cuddly ddog if you are interested?
Comes with industrial lubricant tongue...

Aveisenim · 16/12/2019 16:10

Normal for that generation. My GP's only ever used to the back door and that was the 90s.

Fluffycloudland77 · 16/12/2019 16:14

@Winterdaysarehere

Your dogs are beautiful.

steff13 · 16/12/2019 16:14

Does it bother your grandmother?

WorraLiberty · 16/12/2019 16:16

I think it depends on the area really

Although I think it's madness in any area to allow your home to become a free for all.

NKFell · 16/12/2019 16:16

All my family friends come in through side door without knocking, strangers go to the front door.

If you want it to stop put a note on door saying to knock.

Original poster

backdoormadness · 16/12/2019 16:16

I have thought about getting a dog, growing up there was always a dog here.

It does seem selfish for the primary reason to get a dog is for security (and for cuddles/cute moments).

Everyone does know where the 'spare key' is, and it's not uncommon for someone to be drinking a cuppa in front of the tv.

Apparently my Nan's brother-in-law used to work down this way and would stay over (never preplanned), he presumed my Nan was on nights and kept missing her.. the family had a shock when they came back from holiday and was out of food.

OP posts:

DoTheHop · 16/12/2019 16:18

Everyone (neighbours, not strangers) would come in our back door growing up (rural Ireland). Now I don't even let people in if they ring lol. I ignore the phonecalls, ignore the buzzer - I have a camera system where i can see who's downstairs HAVING THE AUDACITY to ring my doorbell. I'm terribly antisocial these days. I do let delivery guys in though. They eez my fwends!

NKFell · 16/12/2019 16:18

Well incidentally, I have two dogs- a border collie and a rottweiler. They go running and barking hearing the door but then they're like "Hi Dave!" So pick dog wisely! Mine think family and friends are there to see them.

Ocomeocomeimaginaryfleas · 16/12/2019 16:29

Sounds like how my great aunts lived. They all lived next door to each other. I don't think their front doors were ever actually opened. But you would rarely see a car - or any motorised vehicle - on the street and a stranger would definitely have been noticed.

Different times now though, someone could be in and out of the house and away in seconds. I would explain this gently to your Nan and try and break the habit.

sleepingkat2020 · 16/12/2019 16:33

everyone in my family does this to my nans and several aunties. you go round the back and just walk in. my nan has 9 kids and 37 grandkids though so it may be something to do with one of us ALWAYS being around. but yeah even regular friends and the window cleaner would open the door and pop the invoice inside on the table. think its just a generational thing

WeeMadArthur · 16/12/2019 16:35

Stick a sign up asking people to knock and then keep the door locked.

diddl · 16/12/2019 16:35

I think it used to be more usual, perhaps when you knew all the neighbours well & there were few phones.

Although for us it was more knock & walk in when you were expected, not at any old time that you fancied.

And always after being told it was OK to do it.

PigletJohn · 16/12/2019 16:36

Is this house "North of Watford?"

I'd invest in a lock, and a bolt or padlock for the side gate as well.

Is the back door wood or plastic?

What sort of lock and bolts does it already have?

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