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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Walking straight through the back door

69 replies

backdoormadness · 16/12/2019 15:13

Name changed as I've recently posted something about my neighbours.. I don't want them to but two and two together.

I've recently moved in with my Nan as my Grandad past away this spring.

Something that has always happened in this house is people just walking in through the back door. The window cleaner comes with his invoice.. walks in, same with family/friends/neighbours/anyone. It happened way before old age crept in and therefore not just due to mobility issues (not wanting them to walk to the front door).

It's got even stranger as someone was in the area, popped in to drop off a christmas card, didn't say hello just popped it on the kitchen side. It absolutely fries my brain that it's acceptable to pop inside someone's house and leave without announcing that they were ever there.

Is this something that everyone used to do in the past or just a strange family quirk?

I've also tried locking the door but instead of people knocking they presume we must be out.

OP posts:

pigdogridesagain · 16/12/2019 17:54

I walk straight into my nans house and people always just come into mine. I like the informality.

Binglebong · 16/12/2019 18:22

It is a definite security risk. But you know that!

We had this with my grandparents, inevitably they were robbed. But one thing that helped (until my granddad disabled it) was a little magnetic alarm that goes off when the door is opened. We were given it by the police but sure they are available commercially. Would your grandparents consider thos as a compromise?

PigletJohn · 16/12/2019 18:54

I use one of this kind of thing overlooking the path so it chimes indoors when someone approaches. The PIR sensor in the porch lasts for months on lithium batteries, but I've had these before, and the indoor chimes can eat batteries, so this model plugs into an electrical socket instead.

Two receivers means you can have one upstairs (or in the bedroom) and one down

The also detect deliverymen who tiptoe up to the door and insert a "sorry I missed you" card before they run away.

WiddlinDiddlin · 16/12/2019 19:00

Normal in my old house, and my parents houses.

Come in, shout HELLO.. leave what you were bringing, have a cuppa if you need to wait etc etc.

One step further when I lived next door but one to my best friend... pop in shout hello, immediately rummage in the fridge or borrow a bog roll.

When I got together with my OH.. he was baffled at best mate coming in, shouting hello.. id shout 'im in the bath' and she'd come up and sit on the loo seat and chat to me..

Locked doors now, because I have dogs that bite strangers or unexpected folk that come in, and if its not locked the pharmacy delivery bloke WILL open the front door and stick my meds on the hall floor which I am not keen on!

LooksLikeImStuckHere · 16/12/2019 19:01

We did this with my maternal grandparents and now do it with my parents as they live in a similar house. I’d hate it but they don’t seem bothered - it’s only family and close friends who do it though.

user1497207191 · 16/12/2019 19:02

Normal in my old house, and my parents houses.

Yes, but a different era when there wasn't so much opportunist crime. I remember both sets of grandparents living in terraced houses who always left their front doors wide open. Just can't do it today.

NightsOfCabiria · 16/12/2019 19:11

Ive had two ex boyfriends whose family lived like this. Note the ‘ex.’

They said it was normal where they came from (rural Midlands villiage).

Whenever I stayed over at their houses, their friends and family would just waltz in through the open door. Just wrong in my opinion as you cant wander round in your pants or shag on the sofa for fear that someone might burst in on you. Plus, it invalidates your insurance.

Why cant you put a padlock on the side gate and lock the back door? It’s your home now, so its up to you.

WorldEndingFire · 16/12/2019 19:26

Pretty normal where I live. We know our neighbours and look out for each other. Really cherish having that kind of community.

Justaboy · 16/12/2019 19:27

Aunts place many years ago up in good old Lancashire was open all day not unusual to have Milk and sugar tea and other items borrowed of relaced by the neighbours all all times of day and night:)

Probally husband and missus borrowed as well;!

Here darn sarff chances are you'd get blown away if you did that here nowadays!

duebaby2 · 16/12/2019 19:35

It's not uncommon, just depends where you live. Some of my family who live more towards a big city always lock their doors however all my family who live rurally just tend to leave their doors unlocked. I walk into my mums, dads and grandads without knocking or without having to consider if the door is locked or not because usually it's unlocked. My mum used to walk into my aunties and uncles houses but would either shout or knock on the inner door (think like a porch or a utilities room).

Never had strangers or neighbours or friends just walk in though, they always knock or shout

PigletJohn · 16/12/2019 20:35

"a different era when there wasn't so much opportunist crime."

I don't believe there really was such a time.

But there was a time when common people didn't have insurance, and knew there was no chance of getting back the rent money that had been snatched off the mantlepiece. So it didn't get reported.

Gingernaut · 16/12/2019 20:37

Put a lock on the side gate.

Lock the back door.

CherryPavlova · 16/12/2019 20:46

Normal here too.

Itscoldandimwatchingfootball · 16/12/2019 20:52

Normal here if you're expected...dropping kids off, be there at noon for lunch etc. Normal for postman, dropping stuff over , leaving excess apples, parcels etc as far as the porch .

WiddlinDiddlin · 18/12/2019 17:22

Yes, but a different era when there wasn't so much opportunist crime.

9 years ago, not a different era and my old house was on one of the second nastiest council estates in North Manchester... fair amounts of opportunistic crime there.

Even here, I don't tend to lock myself IN during the day, my sister walks straight in always.

Barnseyboyo · 18/12/2019 17:36

It’s your nana’s house and this is normal for her. Nothing to do with you

alexdgr8 · 18/12/2019 18:04

could you persuade your nan to accept more security, for your sake.
say sometimes you have just had a bath, walk around in a towel, nightwear etc. you would feel really awkward if some strange, to you, man just walked in.
also you have some electronic goods, that you need for work, and if they were stolen, the insurance would not cover if kept in unlocked place. though unlikely to happen, it worries you. one more stress.
so appeal to her caring nature and see if things can be made more secure.
I would avoid saying she is vulnerable because she does not feel herself to be so, and also it can be cruel to remind that they are declining due to age. good luck.

Emeraldshamrock · 18/12/2019 18:04

Put a lock on the side gate

Lock the back door
This is OP's house. These people are not strangers and are probably good friends with your Nan.
She has lost her DH don't start making changes to cut off her social circle, in close neighbourhood's like that they look out for each other.

Emeraldshamrock · 18/12/2019 18:05

Sorry meant This is NOT OP's house.

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