Planning the Christmas holidays - nice idea or OTT?

[rattusrattus20]

What would you think if you rec'd the following in a family group Whatsapp?

*

Sat 21st: we arrive late afternoon. Watch [name of local band] ([member of family Z] babysitting, drive and leave my car, taxi home)

Sun 22nd collect car, carvery @ [pub Y] at 12.30 ([family Z] x4, [family A] x 5, [grandparents]), Santa @ [place], 3.30 ([names of three kids]), Waitrose booked for 4pm ([grandparent])

Mon 23rd [day out] (small picnic) and pop into [great] Grandma

Thurs 24th Nativity @ [village name] c4pm. [friend B] gig @ [village name] pub from 7.30pm

Christmas day [family A] come over at 4pm ish

Boxing day afternoon walk at [place C] (weather permitting), late lunch at [family A]'s and we leave for [home] around 5pm

Shout if this doesn't work. I will book lunch, santa, cabs etc and let me know what I can do to help re food.

**

Well I assume it's slightly less confusing in real life without the details redacted.

I'd be delighted that I didn't have to think about making any plans and at the same time really pissed off to be told what I'm doing without any discussion and consideration of whether it fits with small DC and their need to nap/eat.

So basically I'd be totally U because I'd be so conflicted!

It sounds busy, but that's good if you don't see each other often and want to spend lots of time doing things together. Do all the children get on?

How I felt would depend if I’d been involved in deciding to do all that, it sounds exhausting and very regimented for what’s meant to be a fun time of year. There’s not much time to relax built in!

If it’s just clarifying stuff that’s already been agreed and discussed them it’s fine but if it’s being told my schedule for Christmas as almost a done deal, I’d be objecting to the content and the tone. It’s very bossy.

I’d think it was a little busy, unless you live far away and will be visiting that area for the whole week.

Surely if it’s too much you can say something like “sounds great! We will join you for gig on 21st, Santa, nativity and Xmas and Boxing days. Thanks for organising!”

Depends how much input I have had with the activities and also if I needed to do anything on those days

It’s FANTASTIC. I can’t bloody stand everyone sitting around not knowing what to do. You need plans!

It sounds lovely but I could join in with it all without needing a little cry.

^ Couldn't not could. I so need a cup of tea.

Thanks for the feedback. I didn't want to include any of the context because in doing so I'd inevitably end up putting some kind of spin on matters, just by choosing wihch detalis to omit or include. But I agree the message on its own doesn't give a lot to go on and as such becomes fairly misleading [e.g. (1) the activities of the 22nd are actually pretty brutal, at least 3-4 hrs in the car round trip, when some of the group will have had 5 hrs in the car the deay before; (2) when you strip away the detail, the 23r is pretty much an unplanned day until 4pm, with that activity being very local to where everyone is staying].

From the responses I'm thinking that the main takeaway is that this looks good but that there needs to be a degree of flexibility & opt-outs for ppl who want them.

Confirms my thoughts that going away to the Carribean over the Christmas period is the thing!

It sounds horrific to me. Both the message and the actual plans. But your family may be different from mine.

Upon first reading I did wonder if it was a covert job advert following on from the MI5 thread....

With stuff like this I think it’s 100% down to the relationship with the person posting it. If my mum posted it, for example, DH and I would be seething and think she was being controlling and infuriating like she always is, and I’d be annoyed as I know she’d try to emotionally blackmail me if I said any of it didn’t work and it would be a huge tedious drama. I’d also be less excited about spending that amount of time with her as (as you probably guessed) we don’t get on, so it would be like a chore and the whole message would feel me with dread and negative emotions because that’s how I feel about her. If my dad and stepmom sent it, we’d be thrilled and so excited to spend all that time with them as we love spending time with them and really don’t think I’d ever consider any amount of events with them ‘a bit much’. I’d know their intentions were good and be really touched that they’d spent so much time planning and wanted to spend those days with us. So I really do think that it depends on your relationship with the poster.

@Poorolddaddypig is spot on

Sounds like the message I sent just before a holiday with 2 sisters plus their kids. They had a whale of a time taking the usual good natured cheap shots about me being a control freak. Then spent every day asking me what they were doing, what to bring, what time... and at the end of the week have me a huge hug and thanked me for giving them a thought-free holiday 🤷🏻‍♀️

To add - my holiday itinerary wasn’t out of the blue, but a response to requests for “what are we doing, can you send a list”.

If I got your message out of the blue I’d be taken aback - if I was expected to take part in activities I hadn’t discussed. And I mean - expected, not just an offer. But I doubt this was out of the blue?

It would make me stay home. I HATE being dictated to in this manner and would bail.

This would make me not go.

I would love that someone has done all that planning and would happily go along with it, if I got on ok with all those involved.
It does sound like there’s a lot of time when nothing is being done so lots of time for relaxing.

I’ve just re-read, as I realised that I just read the first few days and assumed the rest was more of the same. It’s not an smooth read with the redactions.

But now I’ve read the last paragraph! That’s the key one: it shows they’re not foisting it on anyone AND they’re taking on the donkey work AND they’re still prepared to help with food.

They sound lovely.

What do you have a problem with it?
Or is this a reverse and a family member has called you bossy and you’re hurt?

Set in stone, or loose plans?
I anyways appreciate a meal out that I don’t have to cook!
I like the idea of having possible plans to keep children entertained, but if reserve the right to dib out if the children are tired, weather is rubbish etc.

6 days with this person? Far too long! I'd kill them before the end of it

So someone is visiting and the visitors have dictated his schedule?

DH would flat refuse to be dictated to like that and I would hate the busyness

Thanks again, I'm in particular neither the listmaker nor its primary target, my heart did sink a little when I saw it, but I'm mainly looking for views because if, as can often happen at this sort of gathering, it leads to drama, then I'll need to decide not whose 'side to take' but how best to target & position my efforts in a peacemaker role.

more accurately, I suppose, I'll want to be able to see all sides of the argument.

It’s also an option to see no sides of the arguments, and make your Xmas present to yourself some therapy sessions to address the role you are taking as peacemaker.

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

Go along with the bits you want to, withdraw from the others - and let everyone else make their own choices.

Why on earth would you allow yourself to be draw into it?