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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Planning the Christmas holidays - nice idea or OTT?

63 replies

rattusrattus20 · 16/12/2019 10:15

What would you think if you rec'd the following in a family group Whatsapp?

Sat 21st: we arrive late afternoon. Watch [name of local band] ([member of family Z] babysitting, drive and leave my car, taxi home)

Sun 22nd collect car, carvery @ [pub Y] at 12.30 ([family Z] x4, [family A] x 5, [grandparents]), Santa @ [place], 3.30 ([names of three kids]), Waitrose booked for 4pm ([grandparent])

Mon 23rd [day out] (small picnic) and pop into [great] Grandma

Thurs 24th Nativity @ [village name] c4pm. [friend B] gig @ [village name] pub from 7.30pm

Christmas day [family A] come over at 4pm ish

Boxing day afternoon walk at [place C] (weather permitting), late lunch at [family A]'s and we leave for [home] around 5pm

Shout if this doesn't work. I will book lunch, santa, cabs etc and let me know what I can do to help re food.

OP posts:

wendywoopywoo222 · 16/12/2019 14:27

It looks to me like someone had told you their plans. I would presume so that you can pick and choose which bits you wish to join in with. Happy Christmas

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 16/12/2019 18:17

I would feel a bit overwhelmed and wonder why we couldn't go with the flow a bit more.

Pfefferkuchen · 16/12/2019 18:22

that's exactly how I plan everything, holidays and weekends when we have friends or family around.

when it's not something booked, more than happy to offer choices, change the plans or make alternate ones, but can't be bothered to faff with the "what shall we do now".

Shout if this doesn't work. simple, if someone is not happy with something a I would rather do x and y instead at that time. Done.

Witchend · 16/12/2019 18:47

I agree with the ones who say it depends who sent it.

If it was one of dh's relatives I would not want to go. They're controlling and would make a fuss if you dropped of the schedule because of any reason. And it would be set up entirely round their needs and wants.
If you said you weren't joining in you'd get snide comments of spoiling the party. They'd also manage to organise it so they did none of the hard work but expect to be thanked profusely for organising it and doing everything including things they hadn't done.

If it was my parents (well df really) I'd roll my eyes to dh, chuckle a bit and we' d do the parts we wanted to and alter the plans as we went along with no hard feelings. We'd have to tell df that actually we didn't mind doing the washing up and he doesn't have to do it all.

Another of my relatives, I'd sigh a little and wait for the mild meltdown when things didn't go to plan.

Gazelda · 16/12/2019 18:58

I have a mid Nov to mid Jan spreadsheet. It Details all events, holiday clubs, meals out and activities (defrost freezer, write neighbours cards, tesco delivery slots released at midnight etc). I'm well aware that my family glaze over when they see it pinned to the kitchen cupboard door.

The message in your WhatsApp group would drive even me insane. Far too much detail and control.

anxiousbean · 16/12/2019 19:07

I have no idea what the message means sorry.

I think it would depend if these plans had all been discussed vaguely/previously e.g. would the kids like to go and see Santa, or if someone was hosting and they were just getting everyone to agree when they were coming, what meals they were around for (as it would annoy me a bit if I was hosting and everyone was just like oh we will see you sometime on the 23rd if we feel like it) or if it was a completely unexpected message about a time when I was planning to be at home gazing at my navel.

WhatchaMean · 16/12/2019 19:10

It sounds like how Monica from friends might organise Christmas

onanothertrain · 16/12/2019 19:13

I would hate that, I think it's patronising and controlling and I'd be really tempted to rebel

cherryblossomgin · 16/12/2019 19:15

I would hope I catch norovirus and need to stay home.

CarolinaPink · 16/12/2019 19:23

Depends whether it was a suggestion or a direction. If the former, sounds like a good jumping off point for discussion about what you'd all like to do.

tobedtoMNandfart · 16/12/2019 19:29

It's massively controlling. HTH

Iamallatsea · 16/12/2019 19:34

I’m a real planner, but I do think it’s a little regimental. I would definitely have things planned to make the most of the time available esp things that have to be booked in advance like visiting Santa, going to the Panto and then work the rest around those fixed times.
If I sent such a message it would be more along the lines of date / time /activity “we were planning to do this does anyone else fancy coming along” ( giving date of when I would have to book tickets by if it was a ticketed thing) everyone does roll their eyes at my planning but because of forward planning we never miss out on something we definitely want to do. I’m totally happy for others to join in or not and can laze arround in pjs myself quite well at times.
I just like making the most of my precious annual leave.

FauxFox · 16/12/2019 19:41

Did the list sender used to be in the military? Sounds like something my Dad would send - a bit much, but sent with the best intentions and love so I don't worry about it

Pfefferkuchen · 16/12/2019 19:42

It's massively controlling.HTH

It doesn't actually. Why do you think it's controlling?

Sounds like nothing has been booked yet. Sounds a million times better than people with no plan, no direction who will stress everyone at the last minute or moan because they "didn't know" that someone was planning on doing something.

itstrue · 16/12/2019 19:45

I'd love it! Without knowing the real circumstances around it but I like to make sure that everyone's activities are catered for and I can't stand just hanging around doing nothing for days!

CottonSock · 16/12/2019 19:46

I'd opt out of anything with a long journey based on your follow up.

Oysterbabe · 16/12/2019 19:49

My SIL loves to plan stuff with military precision and it drives me up the wall. We're already getting similar messages from her. I'll need to try and schedule in some time for relaxing with wine while the kids play with their toys.

Crunchymum · 16/12/2019 19:52

Sounds exhausting to me, although I plan to spend from 20th Dec - 6th Jan in my PJ's and doing as little as possible. We do have Xmas eve plans so I'll get dressed for that but it's just dinner at inlaws, a 20 minute walk away.

I'm working 30/31 but I am WFH and I'll be in my jammies

1Morewineplease · 16/12/2019 19:53

Wouldn’t you like a bit of time to yourself and your own immediate family.
I wouldn’t accept being dictated to like this.

AhoyMrBeaver · 16/12/2019 19:57

I'd have to reply asking them when they wanted me to shit.

Fair dos to them though, they're on the ball and making sure everybody is in no doubt that there are plans and they are expected to go along with them. I think when there are lots of people involved, you need someone to take the reins.

Spitsandspots · 16/12/2019 20:00

It sounds like how Monica from friends might organise Christmas

Totally. I would hate to be micromanaged in this way.

smemorata · 16/12/2019 20:03

I would love this.

Witchend · 16/12/2019 20:04

Someone else has a good point. If these are all things that you have discussed and want to do together, then sending this out for comments/suggestions is a good idea.

If it's just their idea of what they want to do and assume everyone will want to do the same AND will make a fuss if anyone says they don't want to do something. Then it's controlling.

Pfefferkuchen · 16/12/2019 20:09

out of curiosity, what are the alternate plans to these ones?

Elbeagle · 16/12/2019 20:14

I suppose it depends whether you’re the sort of person who likes a plan or the sort of person who doesn’t.
That message would piss me off I have to say... I hate being told what I’m doing and when, and I hate having all my time booked for me. My best friend would absolutely love to receive that message, it would be her dream.

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