I know I am being unreasonable but I’m desperate and see no wax *trigger warning sexual assault*

[OwlBeThere]

To try and keep it brief, the background facts are:
My daughter was sexually assaulted 2 years ago.
Since then she has self harmed, sh has panic attacks, she has flashbacks and just worries a lot and has missed school due to anxiety.
She’s had private Counselling that didn’t help much.

She was referred to CAMHS by the GP as they are unable to prescribe antidepressants or anti anxiety medication because she’s only 16.
CAMHS refused to see her.

So, I’m considering getting anti anxiety medication for myself and then giving it to her. I know this is not recommended but I don’t know what to do.

I’d just add obviously right now the health and well being of your daughter come before anything. Exams pale into insignificance by comparison and can be dealt with later. She won’t be the first to have disrupted exam experience (if she does) and it is not the most important thing right now. If she can see that a bit it may help her.

@endofthelinefinally yes he is. That’s a whole other debacle that would take far to long to explain, but the basic gist is She didn’t tell me or anyone for months and by the time she did they said there was nothing they could do as there was no proof. They basically said because he ‘only’ touched her breasts that it wasn’t that big a deal and implied she should be over it by now.

Just read one of your updates OP, for the life of me I can’t understand why that cretin is still allowed in school with her!!! Has he even been dealt with properly? Your poor DD. I second trying an online GP, calm app and even kalms tablets. How is her sleep pattern?

Just checked and we also got 'child essence' by Jan Dr Vries. It's essence made from flowers and you put a few drops in water to drink three times a day

@Archiestar her sleep is not too bad. She does have the odd night like tonight where she has nightmares and can’t get back off but they aren’t too regular thankfully. I’ll try some apps and I’m taking all the advice on board. Thank you all so much. I do realise that giving her meds myself is a terrible idea and I won’t do it. I just want to help her.

Here are some other things that I've done for my daughter which might help you:

• downloaded 'fear tools' app
• downloaded flowsy app (helps with distraction for anxiety attack)
• mindfulness techniques I learnt at a locally run anxiety workshop which I have to help her with to truly get her to do it

If you want to private message me an email address to send it to I can send you the presentation that explains why anxiety occurs and gives some techniques to help in there (happy to answer questions on any bits that aren't self explanatory)

OP, that school sounds shocking!! :( I really hope you get somewhere with it all... your DD is lucky to have a parent worry as much as you 💕

I understand how traumatic watching your child endure a panic attack and anxiety is. I have children and also am a survivor of an earlier life sexual assault. It is many years behind me now, and this is how I put it firmly in the past and went on to enjoy my life, and I sincerely hope that with help, your DD can too. Panic attacks can be helped with breathing techniques and CBT. Google How to cope with a panic attack (first aid)
longer term, CBT will help. truly. Also, if you can find a well qualified EMDR practitioner, it is a treatment specifically for PTSD and worked for me. Medication took weeks to start working and in the end only triggered suicidal thoughts in my case. That’s not the case for everyone and it can be helpful, but I’m sure it needs careful monitoring and it’s better to have talking therapy as well, or even instead. I also tried hypnotherapy before I found my cure, but wouldn’t recommend. Practitioners are often not qualified and do more harm than good. For relaxation the ‘Calm’ app is fantastic and has an emergency rescue session for panic/anxiety. I hope this helps you. My sincere best wishes for your DD, for a lighter, brighter future. Don’t lose hope, I’m a happy, relaxed and positive person now, but went through, what I think of as a tunnel to get here. We don’t stay in tunnels- we go to the light.

SARC is sexual assault and rape Centre.
They offer counselling, advice etc.

The options for medication in under 18 with anxiety that a GP can prescribe are limited but your d could try propranolol.
Ask your gp.. Its safe to give to teens

OP your dd is having a very similar experience to my dd who was also assaulted at school but because the boy admitted saying inappropriate things then they would have expected him to admit touching 'if it happened' and claimed my daughter was being over sensitive to being jostled in the corridors

-I kid you not

Anyway, the thing that got her referral to camhs accepted was school refusal -battling on and trying to attend school making her anxiety worse in the process was actually preventing her accessing services.
I'm not saying you should keep her off but if going to school is causing further issues then I'd be thinking if it's the right place for her, exams or no exams

I can believe CAHMS refused to see her. I do think they are over stretched and actually can't see everyone. They refused DD's referral too as they decide she "wasn't distressed enough" (or words to that effect). In her case I actually believe they were right but your DD sounds in real need.

So sorry to hear about your daughter. My daughter started taking citraporam at 16. I got a private prescription for my daughter, CAHMS then accepted it was working and wrote to her GP confirming they can prescribe it.

Keep fighting ❤️

I wonder whether it would help to improve her confidence if you went on a self defence course together.

Though, in all honesty, I can’t see her putting this behind her when the perpetrator is someone she must fear bumping into every day at school. Were the police involved at all?

Are you in South Wales Owl? If so google New Pathways, they provide support and counselling to victims of sexual assault. Mind Cymru might also be worth a look.

In the city that I live, YPAS has strong links with CAMHS. So I would recommend getting in touch with them to see how it works in Wales.

You can complain to the Governors and then Ofsted if school won't listen. How awful for your poor daughter.

Do either you or your Partner/DDs dad (sorry not sure of your family set up) have an employee advise service or private healthcare option through work?

If so you may be able to access a private GP service or counselling through that.

Or you may be able to sign up for it now and be able to use it within a few weeks.

CAMHS assessed dd when she was cutting and od'ing. Offered group therapy that would have prevented ger from attending six two lessons of French A'Level n liwer 6th. When I explained it was inaccessible and would make her more distressed and anxious their reresponse was to refuse an alternative. They then wrote to GP and said they had closed the case because the family had declined their intervention. We had not. CAMHS and GP then told us to get therapy off the internet.

When dealing with CAMHS may I suggest that every conversation you have with them; everything they will say they will do, is sent to them in witing, recorded deluvery so they are unable to misrepresent. DD saw two CAMHS nurses. They were both sloppy and clinically poor.

Our GP refused to recommend a therapist until I read the riot act to the managing partner. They also would not have prescribed AD's.

I took dd to a private consultant psychiatrist who was excellent and supportive realising there was an underlying issue. DD had ADHD - a neuro developmental disability about which the CAMHS nurse said "well now mum I think she's a bit old at 17 for that". Overall private treatment and diagnosis was £6000. We had it; if you don't very cal.ly set everything out for your MP and they will very likely light some blue touch paper.

Good luck. The system and navigating it is shocking and it isn't all about resources. CAMHS is also dated and poorly organised.

My 10 year old is on fluxotine for 2 years( prescribed by cahms) he's non verbal and has multiple disabilities and they said he was very anxious ( he was self harming by smashing his head until it kept splitting open ) because of his health and lack of speech.
It's been amazing for him.
He's a happy little bugger now.
Cahms are a shit show though. Took those multiple head injuries to cause him to have epilepsy and the neurologist telling them he could die if he didn't get help ASAP.
From referral to appointment with the cahms doctor it was almost 16 months!

OP,

self harmed, sh has panic attacks, she has flashbacks and just worries a lot and has missed school due to anxiety.

Anti anxiety medication will not touch the surface. Because this honestly sounds exactly like PTSD. My sister experienced exactly the same symptoms. Exactly the same root cause

Finally diagnosed. Has been through every. And I mean every therapy available, and is finally finding relief through EMDR. This of course has finally worked for her. Your DD will need to find what will work for her too.

Really push for this OP, she needs to be urgently helped.

Wish you luck

Contact PALS www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/nhs-services-and-treatments/what-is-pals-patient-advice-and-liaison-service/ and make a complaint. They are very quick at getting CAMHS to reverse their decisions IME. I contacted them in the morning and had head of CAMHS on the phone by afternoon making an appointment to see me the following week.

She needs therapy, not counselling. And it may not be a good fit at first - you need to keep trying until she finds someone who works for her.

Medication is a temporary thing. She needs to deal with the traumatic stuff in therapy.

Chicken and egg though. My dd needed the AD's to take the edge off things so she could engage with therapy.

PALS were not helpful here - concerns were recorded as a complaint which then had to be investigated and they wouldn't investigate unless dd consented because she was over 16. As if she needed that as well as no support. Totally disingenuous system.

We are in Surrey op where these services are beyond diabolical. MP and childrens' services.

Have you looked into a different school and do school have a safety plan for her.

Can you afford a single private psychiatrist appointment? Once she has a private prescription and a letter to the GP then the GP should be able to prescribe.

Then get a GP referral to a psychiatrist, preferably the same one.

www.psychiatry-uk.com/fees/

Also,

My beautiful hardworking girl is going into GCSE exams and having floods of panic because she can’t cope with people sat behind her, school are really trying to help, but it’s affecting her ability to do her exams and she works so hard it’s breaking my heart to see that destroyed because of this.

Have you considered home schooling/are you in a position to home tuition? Could you take her out of school if there’s additional pressures and stresses of being a teenager, trying to deal with exams, on top of dealing with one of the most horrific experiences women should never have to go through.

Let her heal at home. She will be able to work calmly and quietly. The school can arrange for her to complete her exams in a private room (for example the school library) away from the exam hall.