Should I report a sad experience at nursing home?

[Curlystars]

By the way, have name-changed for this.

A couple of days ago, I went with my DS (9) and his small rural primary school choir to a local retirement/nursing home so the children could sing carols to the residents. All very lovely and the children had been rehearsing for weeks.

While they were singing an elderly resident, wearing only a tee shirt and a nappy, wandered in and came up to me.

Bless her. She hung on to my arm and would not let go. Poor lass was trying to say something. I couldn’t understand what she was saying and just hugged her.
There were no members of staff around at all.

I know this retirement home charges a lot of money for the care of residents. Perhaps all care homes do, I don’t know.

Should I report this care home for the total lack of respect shown for this poor woman’s dignity?

What you need to remember is that is her home. If she wants to walk around then she can, otherwise they would have to lock her in her room.

Absolutely! If that was my Mum or Gran I’d want to know.

It can be an upsetting experience.

But that’s what it’s like in a care home. Sometimes residents don’t want to get dressed, undress themselves. You do what you can to but at the end of the day, short of restraining people and making them wear clothes or not wander, it’s best that they are happy.

And we are incredibly short staffed and busy where I work. They charge a fucking fortune but pay us minimum wage and Get by on bare minimum staff. It’s a disgrace.

(Staff complain to the CQC all the time but nothing ever gets done).

And the majority of you are amazingly dedicated Karen

If it was my mum I’d want to know too. The whole point of people with dementia living in a care home is to look after them, this includes affording them dignity when they lack capacity to make appropriate choices for themselves.

My Nana would refuse to get dressed, or when they did manage to persuade her to she would just strip off wherever she was. What could they do?, they certainly couldn't keep her locked in her room

If you have any concerns at all, you should contact CQC. You certainly should expect to have a member of staff available as basic safeguarding for you and the residents.

That would upset me but perhaps you could speak to the manager first. The resident may have undressed themselves or refused to wear clothes. Care home staff work incredibly hard.

I used to visit an elderly relative in a nursing home. There was one lady who took all her clothes off constantly. They tried to re dress her and a few mins later she’d taken them all off.

They can be upsetting places, but the care staff will be doing their best.

@exploitedteadrinker you’d think so wouldn’t you.
Sadly, it sometimes doesn’t work out that way.

So you didn't fetch anyone? That was unreasonable.
Staff can't be everywhere at once.

I've known plenty of wandering residents, the lack of clothing isn't necessarily neglect as they can and do undress themselves and the nappy suggests she may do 'businesses' in inappropriate places or strip off. Dementia isn't a pretty illness and other innapropriate behaviours are commonplace.

It's sad but care homes are not nice places. Was it an EMI home?

You have no way of knowing whether she’d refused clothes, undressed herself or been left like that. You can’t force someone to dress or to stay in their room although I’d expect someone to encourage her to return to her room and dress if they were aware she was wandering like that. I’d guess they were understaffed or the staff were busy with other residents. What happened eventually, did a member of staff eventually help the resident or did you leave without seeing anyone? If you’re concerned I’d contact the home and explain that this worried you so at least you know someone has been made aware. I have supervised care staff on a unit in a care home and it can be very tricky to maintain the dignity of residents with dementia while also respecting their bodily autonomy.

In the absence of any other concerns this could quite easily be a case of the lady stripping off or refusing to wear clothes. The staff can't be in all places at al times.

The saddest thing is that the majority of these residents are in there because family can't cope or can't be bothered with it.

I promise for some of those residents the kids will be the only visitors they get, cards galore but no one wants to visit once the behaviour becomes unpleasant that's what used to upset me every Christmas.

That’s what it’s like, the residents aren’t under lock and key. They are allowed to wander.

It can be normal for patients with dementia to take their clothes off, tbh you were lucky she didn’t throw her incontinence knickers at you.

Thanks for all your replies.

It’s a tough call, I know. Goodness knows what you do if your loved one has dementia and refuses to get dressed. Obviously not lock them in their room Bigredumbrella

But. They surely should be cared for better than that poor lass.
And yes, everyone is stretched at work these days.

Plus please read my OP. I didn’t see any staff and had to get DS home.

Sadly I have lots of experience of these sorts of places. What you described shouldn't happen. Sounds as though there was no appreciation of the need to maintain the dignity of that elderly woman. If that had happened to a relative or friend of mine I'd have been angry.

TBH, though, I don't think a dementia nursing home (which I think this must have been) is an appropriate environment for small children (unless perhaps they are relatives, visiting for instance GPs before they die). It must have been disturbing for the children, but the more important issue is the lack of care for the dignity of the woman you spoke of.

Report it to the care quality commission.

This is only my opinion. But I’m appalled that you were all left alone without a member of staff at the very least nearby. I’m an activity coordinator - and I would not leave anyone who was performing, paid or voluntary alone with residents.
The residents dignity has been compromised. I would definitely expect you to raise the matter with the manager. It maybe something they are unaware of- new behaviour, staffing levels may need to be reviewed.
Homes are short staffed and incidents can and do happen, but it seems that things could have been better managed - for both you as guests and the resident in question.

Thanks CarolinaPink you have summed it up better than me.

If that poor lady had been my Mum I’d have been angry.
Hence me asking if I should report it? I have nothing to judge this by.

So yes, I think you should report it to the 'home', the Local Authority and the CQC. Good luck trying to persuade any of them to give a F though.

Personally I would have just found the nearest care assistant/ nurse and then moved on. Such lovely people always try to find a way to escape or challenge!

Love them. I am coming from many years of looking at a loved one in a beautiful care home. I love their jump to their own kind of independence.

Say nothing right now. It is what it is. Just my view anyway FWIW.