Should I report a sad experience at nursing home?

[Curlystars]

By the way, have name-changed for this.

A couple of days ago, I went with my DS (9) and his small rural primary school choir to a local retirement/nursing home so the children could sing carols to the residents. All very lovely and the children had been rehearsing for weeks.

While they were singing an elderly resident, wearing only a tee shirt and a nappy, wandered in and came up to me.

Bless her. She hung on to my arm and would not let go. Poor lass was trying to say something. I couldn’t understand what she was saying and just hugged her.
There were no members of staff around at all.

I know this retirement home charges a lot of money for the care of residents. Perhaps all care homes do, I don’t know.

Should I report this care home for the total lack of respect shown for this poor woman’s dignity?

But. They surely should be cared for better than that poor lass.
And yes, everyone is stretched at work these days

Yes they should. But they aren’t. Speak to the (likely) incredibly wealthy managers, and ask them why they don’t have more barely minimum wage paid carers on shift.

It’s a fucking disgrace.

Also, this is a fairly common occurrence with dementia. Doesn’t make it any less distressing.

Yes I'd report this, to the manager, to the CQC...

firstly that a group of visitors were left completely unsupervised with a bunch of residents, and secondly the incident with the woman.

@Curlystars yes upsetting but unless you have worked in a nursing home then give your head a wobble instead of blaming the poor carers, I used to do night and day shifts. Some clients every thinking minute was consumed by stripping off, there was 27 rooms full to 2 care assistant and a shitty manager that used to hide in the office, now forgive me if I'm wrong but how can 2/3 carers that is more than likely a, doing end of life care
B. Toileting a client and or showering because they are up to the eyes in shit
C stopping a confused client frightening another client
D. Feeding or medication
Answering the door constantly
Are more than regrettably tied up working there arse off sweating there blood and tears with some many other clients all fir minimum wage working 12 hrs shift just on a quick 10 minute brake. Dont you think we wish we could give the clients all of our time? Unfortunately greedy care home owners want maximum profit.

If you think the home is neglecting her then report. CQC may not act on the one report but will if others are reporting similar.

Please be mindful of language though. She's a lady wearing a pad, not a lass wearing a nappy. Illness doesn't turn her into a child.

@kinsss I don't want to argue, but these aren't 'lovely' people seeking independence. They are vulnerable people no longer able to mentally function as the rest of us do, and they're entitled to protection. They wouldn't behave this way if they still had an insight into their behaviour.

Hiya. I used to do care work and there are lots of different things to consider. I looked after a lady with dementia. She was from Africa and would panic when you turned the bath taps on because she was worried the water would all be gone. Then she climbed in and stood up like she was bathing in a puddle. Then she insisted some night she wanted to sleep the wrong end of her bed or wear her tights to bed. As long as nothing hurt her I let her do what she wanted and made sure she was safe.

Same with another lady who had dementia. She used to talk to people who were not there. Some days she wouldn't go in the bath. So I just dressed her as long as she wasn't desperate for one.

Then another lady would refuse to get dressed. Her mind was fairly good but she just didn't want to move out of the chair. So I'd do tea, toast, meds, face wash and triple check she was happy.

Alot of people with dementia go back to being almost like a small child. They might not want to get dressed or get up and it can really upset them if they are pushed into things. Its really important to respect what they want. Sometimes you feel sad for them and think I want to get you dressed properly and comfortable but they are having one of those days. The lady you saw perhaps was doing her own thing if you get me and that was the kindest thing for the staff to allow her to do

It's sad to see as I say. I've worked with palliative care aswel as dementia and also just elderly people who are very much still on the ball but just their bodies are too weak to do what they once could. Its definitely an eye opener. I used to feel abit flat after going to certain people with dementia etc. I used to think these poor people x

Thing is, no one has magic wand to make someone suffering with dementia suddenly not wander, or strip off, or incontinent, not even care home staff, even if trained in dementia care. Wandering and stripping off or multi layering clothes, as well as incontinence are the reality of dementia. And there simply aren't enough staff pretty much anywhere to provide the 1 to 1 care that is deserved or needed to protect someone so vulnerable. I'm not sure about now, but when I worked in an emi unit there was no official staff to resident ratio, just guidelines, and possibly concequences if someone were to come to harm while not meeting those guidelines, but although I personally reported a few times, investigation came to nothing. We were very often 3 care staff and one rgn/rmn to 24 residents, all of which had complex needs, at least half wandered, many others were immobile and needed 2 staff to hoist to move, use the toilet, get up go to bed etc. So what do you do if 2 staff are tied up with a hoist, nurse giving out medication and the last man standing has to look after 23 residents alone. One of which is mobile and getting aggressive with another resident who isn't mobile and very vulnerable, so the last member of staff deals with that. And so another mobile resident strips their clothing off and wanders and there's no one to deal with them right then.
That's the reality of care, that's what happens when care is a profit driven business and the owner or manager has incentive to keep the staff budget as low as possible. Then the staff get the blame. It's not acceptable to leave any of those vulnerable people to wait, but what realistic choice to the staff is there other than to prioritise care needs? The care staff get the blame and the good ones like I was try again to explain, do something, protect the people they look after..... And nothing changes, and so they leave the industry because they're sick of it all.
It's very easy to blame the staff, society is very good at that without listening to the reasons why. I worked somewhere that was put on an amber warning light, over 5 years ago, and I know people who still work there, nothing has changed, staffing is like a revolving door, but who's been pocketing the cash in those last 5 years? Not the care staff or the residents!
It's just not right, and yes I think you should say something but I can almost guarantee that the staff on duty will get the blame, you'll get an apology, they'll get a bollocking and nothing will actually change.

What time of day was this, that can make a difference sometimes if the staff were not obviously in the room with you.

I have seen my mother upend tables at dinner, try to stick knives in others, I know the score.

If she appeared in a public space with just her underwear on I would have sought help immediately from the staff. They cannot be everywhere at all times. That is why visiting at odd hours is so valuable.

Please do not report, but speak to the CNM. The carers have a tough and relatively underpaid job. Which many families do willingly in the person's home,, but there comes a time when it cannot be done without help either anymore.

First anniversary of my mother's death this week, so probably feeling a bit vulnerable. Sorry if I offended anyone in what I said.

We are max 6 carers to 34 dementia clients, many needing 2 for personal care. You can't be everywhere and anyone can refuse care at any time (at least with dementia you can try again sooner) and wander about their home. There should have been a alarm/call bell in the room you could have called someone by to attend to the lady. Although how would you know if you were left on your own without the activities coordinator? That is the strange bit to me.
Yes mimium wage carers, mangers not sure but as nurse mangers at least nursing wages, I suppose. However just looking at the day to day costs of running home no one is making big profit even big organisation home owners.

@Raspberrytruffle Yes, some carers do their best. Some others don't, though. Not everybody actually cares. It's long been clear to me that we're leaving those least qualified to get a well paying job to do one of the most important jobs that exists. Because of that many of us whose relatives have been absorbed into the 'care' system see them 'looked after' by people devoid of empathy who don't actually give a shit. I know not all 'carers' are that way, but my experience has been that a frighteningly high proportion are.

My DD are both carers inbetween degrees. It sounds like something one lot of residents would do (the others can't do anything on their own from what I've gathered). DDs regularly get sworn at, called names, hit, punched, etc. etc. etc. They both, as do the rest of the teams, just ride it out and try to ignore it all whilst doing their best for very little financial gain.

Regardless of whether she’d refused to get dressed or she’d been dressed is totally irrelevant. The fact that there was no staff member around is not on.

@Thestaffarealwayswrong

I agree with you completely. I did home care and I loved the job but had to quit when the bosses got greedier and greedier. They expected me to work 14 hour days starting at 6.45 and finishing at 9.30pm.with just 2 hours in the afternoon to go home and eat and get ready to go back out from 4pm. I loved the families I cared for but I felt alot of pressure. I walked and would be given five minutes for each walk despite it being 15 minutes away. I would also be given 15 minutes to do a call that should of been half an hour. I was constantly behind and not able to give anyone the time they deserved. I even found one lady deceased after she came out of hospital to pass away at home. I was expected to go in on my own to get her sorted for bed etc that night. I arrived to her family sat with her unaware she had died and I had to tell them she was gone. I got paid £1.50 every 15 minutes and didn't get paid for the walk between each job.

I know this is not a care home but the reality is very similar. Underpaid, understaffed, huge staff turnover. I lasted 18 months before I said I can't do this anymore. Constant calls on my days off. Constantly asking me to go out on Sunday to do two 15 minute calls. It would take over an hour with walking but I'd of got £3 in total for that effort.

I work in dementia care homes and not as a carer.
What you described happens quite a lot. As you were entertaining resident's I suspect the carer's were busy elsewhere seeing to other resident's needs possibly those who are bed bound or simply doing a staff handover. Having said that there really should have been a carer in the room with you.

@carolinapink

I know all to well what you mean. I did home care. I really did care. I actually got too attached to my round! They knew I cared aswel as they all told me I was their favourite and they would get me little gifts. The other girl on my patch was always cutting corners. Ringing in sick. Not washing a ladies hair ever. I always did it twice a week and insisted on blow drying it for her. I'd match her cardys to her skirts. Another lady I went too I was the only one who put her washer on. The others never did. I'd have my days off and knew she would need her washing doing. Then she did me she was fed up of her microwave meals and I told her I could do her some different things. Her face lit up bless her. I made her cheese on toast, scrambled eggs on toast, pasta. She hadn't had these simple foods for years! I'd grab her a bread loaf even though it wasn't my job.

I found alot of gossips aswel when I did home care. I am not trying to be judgey but the amount of women smoking in between calls and swearing. Not really who I'd want caring for my mum. I always tried to take good care of them. I loved them all and out of the 9 I cared for only 2 are alive now five years later. They will always stay in my heart though. Xx

Anotherplanetandwhiskey I wonder if they had an activity coordinator? Sadly many homes do not, we are considered a luxury item not an essential.

@MrsMozartblah Either you're exaggerating or your DD are working in a dementia nursing home with people who are very seriously ill. If the latter then if they don't want to work with the most vulnerable elderly adults they should look for another kind of job. Tesco on the tills? People with dementia who behave aggressively don't do it by choice. Hopefully when it's your turn to be in a dementia nursing home the people looking after you won't be judging like you.

I think I’d want euthanasia if I ever got to that stage.

The important thing about dementia care is to remember that each and every patient is a human being, and that any one of us could end up in that state one day.

CQC

I would probably pop a card through the door of the nursing home and thank them for inviting your DS to their home.

In the letter I would mention your concern and give your telephone number and address.
If they do not RSVP by the new year with an explanation or apology then I would report it higher.

Who knows, management might employ more staff as a result... did you see that little flying pig?

@Softskin88

It's such an awful disease isn't it. Absolutely horrendous. So tough on their partners and other family members. I can't imagine how hard it is to watch someone you love forget the life they had once together. It's exhausting to be around all day I imagine too. I have wrote a few posts on here about when I did care. There was one lady who was old and just laid in bed and stared at the ceiling 24/7 in the end. She didn't speak or particularly acknowledge you. She used to refuse her dinner sometimes and let you spoon feed pudding into her mouth instead. When she passed away I thought I'm glad she's at peace now. Nobody should be like they for months on end. she never left her bed for months. Heartbreaking

Maybe the staff were busy with other residents, am hoping they helped the residents get ready and got them comfortable in the lounge to hear the choir. perhaps the resident who wandered in just heard the lovely singing and went to see what was happening, did the staff come and take her back to her room eventually. it is upsetting to see loved ones in a home, like Saving suggests mention your concern and see if you get a response. The staff will not be able to discuss the residents with you but if you're not happy with their response you can call the social services safeguarding team, they seem to act quicker than the cqc and visit the home manager.

@Softskin88 Word, on all fronts.

look after them, this includes affording them dignity when they lack capacity to make appropriate choices for themselves.

@Alsohuman
They can only do that if the day a deprivation of Liberty order in place. If they don't have one they can still do whatever they want. If they decide they don't want to get dressed, then that's their choice
My nans care home applied for an order for her in May, it's only just been granted, lots of different stages and hoops to jump through, as effectively all and any choice will be removed from her.

Some forms of dementia cause people to lose their inhibitions. My Nan flashes everyone she sees (and worse!)