Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was it offensive to refuse money?

59 replies

Moneyperson · 13/12/2019 18:08

My aunt sent me an email that she wanted to send me hundreds of pounds for forgotten birthdays (to match what she'd given "the others" not sure who she means maybe my brother and cousins). She has given me lots of money in the past, but we don't see much of each other because we live in different countries.

I emailed back and said thank you, how lovely, also I wanted to send her the same amount for all the birthdays I'd forgotten and I hope she bought something nice for herself (the amounts evened out so I was basically refusing her gift).

I didn't mean to be rude but my DH thinks I was? Anyway, my aunt didn't reply. She is British. Was I offensive?

OP posts:
churchandstate · 13/12/2019 18:10

A bit ungracious, OP, yes.

Original poster
Moneyperson · 13/12/2019 18:12

Oh no. What could I do to fix it?

OP posts:
ManiacalLapwing · 13/12/2019 18:13

If you were a child or young adult student during some of that time then I think you were being unreasonable as you would not have been matching her gifts.

Nicknacky · 13/12/2019 18:13

Are you sure her email hasn’t been hacked? Or has she used language that sounds like her

Lazypuppy · 13/12/2019 18:14

That was so rude!

CalmFizz · 13/12/2019 18:16

Are you still living in separate countries? I think a follow up message about how it would be far more wonderful to meet up with your aunt and have a lovely lunch etc etc.

Mrsjayy · 13/12/2019 18:17

I was also going to ask if her email has been hacked because that is an odd email. Fwiw saying that back was a little bit rude

Original poster
Moneyperson · 13/12/2019 18:18

Haha no @Nickynacky it's totally her. We swapped family news as well.

@ManiacalLapwing no I am old with young kids. She is a lot richer than us (I guess, just based on externals although who knows), and I would never dream of spending that much on birthday presents, even for immediate family, which is why I felt awkward in the first place.

OP posts:
Original poster
Moneyperson · 13/12/2019 18:20

Oh no! People who think it's rude - please tell me what to do!! Should I call and apologise or would that make it worse??

OP posts:
Queenoftheashes · 13/12/2019 18:20

You did kind of piss on her bonfire there

BloggersBlog · 13/12/2019 18:20

Just be honest and say you were talking to DH, apologise, and say you realise it may have come across as being rude, wasnt your intention at all and you really appreciated how lovely her offer was.

I wouldnt have thought it was rude myself, but as others do then I suppose she may too

Queenoftheashes · 13/12/2019 18:21

Errr have you already sent money?

Drum2018 · 13/12/2019 18:21

Wow, I'd have snapped her hand off, told her my bank details to transfer it Grin.

Original poster
Moneyperson · 13/12/2019 18:29

Okay thanks for the feedback. I will give her a call and say sorry.

OP posts:
Winterdaysarehere · 13/12/2019 18:31

Tell she actually you have reconsidered and her donating to - trip /an item you have wanted etc would be received with great appreciation...

Beeziekn33ze · 13/12/2019 18:32

She’ll probably feel happier if you accept, she may be feeling guilty about not sending presents.

Original poster
Moneyperson · 13/12/2019 18:33

But @winterdaysarehere, that would mean withdrawing the generous gift I sent to her (to equalize it). You can't withdraw gifts, can you?

OP posts:
WhatchaMean · 13/12/2019 18:34

Maybe you could say you were joking and you'd be delighted to accept her very generous gift. Although errr... I'm not sure, maybe just ring her and explain

Original poster
Moneyperson · 13/12/2019 18:35

Oh no I've completely stuffed up everything. I thought I was being so clever too.

OP posts:
waspfig · 13/12/2019 18:35

How old is she OP? Just wondering if she is trying to get rid of some of her money? The birthdays etc sound like an excuse to me

Original poster
Moneyperson · 13/12/2019 18:39

@waspfig yes! She's mentioned that in the past! Something to do with tax? It made no sense to me so I ignored it (just buy something if you want to get rid of money?) So is that a UK thing?

OP posts:
TeenPlusTwenties · 13/12/2019 18:42

Money In the UK when you die if you leave over £X (can't remember the value) anything else is taxed at 40%. So it makes sense to hand money on more than 7 years before you die if you would rather it went somewhere other than the government.

justasking111 · 13/12/2019 18:44

It is a UK thing if you mean gifting x amount a year. Not sure how that works if the money goes overseas. Apologise, it was lovely of her to think of you.

Original poster
Moneyperson · 13/12/2019 18:48

Well, I suppose she is old, but I wouldn't have thought she would die in the next 7 years. That would explain it though. She's probably brooding on death because so many people have died, also wintertime.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 13/12/2019 18:48

She's handing out her money, so no tax is paid on it.

You were very rude. I don't understand why you'd try to be clever and not just accept the gift in the spirit that it was given.

You do need to call her.