Was it offensive to refuse money?

[Moneyperson]

My aunt sent me an email that she wanted to send me hundreds of pounds for forgotten birthdays (to match what she'd given "the others" not sure who she means maybe my brother and cousins). She has given me lots of money in the past, but we don't see much of each other because we live in different countries.

I emailed back and said thank you, how lovely, also I wanted to send her the same amount for all the birthdays I'd forgotten and I hope she bought something nice for herself (the amounts evened out so I was basically refusing her gift).

I didn't mean to be rude but my DH thinks I was? Anyway, my aunt didn't reply. She is British. Was I offensive?

That was extremely ill mannered. She is elderly, I assume, and just trying to be nice/helpful. A simple but gracious thank you would have sufficed and perhaps an effort to see her in person.

To offer a different opinion I don't think you were rude. To me it would have been ruder to reply "great! send that cash to acc. no. 457854". If she really wanted to give it to you she could have replied "oh no I insist" or similar, like when two people have a politeness fight over the bill at a restaurant.

@Moneyperson I thought as much.
My grandparents have been doing a similar thing for a few years with my family. They are happy that they have enough to see them through and want to avoid hefty tax charges for their beneficiaries.

I would call them and explain that you responded without thinking and that you appreciate the gesture.

Thank you, everyone! Such good advice, which I followed and it was good. You're the best internet strangers ever!

I really don't think you were being rude at all, OP, but any excuse for people to be nasty and our fellow Mumsnetters will take it!

If anything I think it shows you were being quite thoughtful; I'd have been hesitate about immediately accepting a (I assume) large sum of money. I'm sure your aunt really hasn't taken offence to your response but hasnt replied because you've made your feelings clear about not accepting her money.

I do think it would be a good idea to give her a call or a follow up email and explain your reasons for not accepting, just so any awkwardness is nipped in the bud.

Let us know how you get on!

Hesitant** bloody hell

I spoke to my aunt and she didn't seem offended at all (although she wouldn't, even if she was, because she's the most polite person in the world ). But it's as @waspfig said, to do with UK law somehow, although at the same time not really, I think she is just really generous. It was nice to talk anyway.

If she wants to dodge some tax or something I’d prefer transparency

Life time giving is not a tax dodge

It's not a dodge. It's an entirely legitimate method of reducing inheritance tax. If your aunt has a large enough estate to be considering such measures she's unlikely to be running short of cash.