To be worried about my SS

[bexci]

I've just signed up as really need some advice as im worried about my stepson.

He's nearly 15 and in year 10. He lives with me and his dad. His mum passed away due to cancer when he was nearly 9. He seemed to cope ok but I don't think he really understood that he wouldn't see her again. But as he's got older he's started to get more upset/it's started to affect him more.

He also feels like his English teacher is making fun of him as a few weeks ago when it was the anniversary of his mum's death he went to school (me and his dad weren't going to send him but he wanted to go) and he started crying and his English teacher told him to stop crying because he's 14 not 4. And he always says things like call your mum and get her to bring your homework, is your mum not coming to parents evening, if you don't behave I'm going to call your mum etc. his English teacher knows about his mum passing away and he has been his English teacher since year 7. And he doesn't mean me as he doesn't call me mum he calls me by my real name.

He also seems to have more of a temper for a few months now. And he's started to try and pick fights with people and has been swearing at teachers (especially his English one). And at home he's started talking back to me and his dad (especially me).

Can I have some advice please?

I am a teacher - if I made that mistake I would only make it once. That English teacher is either an utter bonehead, or he is bullying your SS. I really hope things get better for him xx

have the school offered any pastoral support.... I would want a formal recognition/notification taht they are aware of this .... that teacher had been spoken to before.......

No the school hasn't. I know they have spoken to the teacher as he's stopped saying things now

I’d want to put something in writing about the teacher to the school and keep noting down what SS says as you may need an evidence trail in the future.

Write a letter to the Head complaining about the teacher in question knowingly doing this and how he is victimising your ss. It's bullying. Then tell the school if the teacher is not dealt with you will be contacting County Hall, the school governors and ofsted as they have an obligation to protect him when in their care yet they allow an adult to intimidate a minor which is in no doubt a large part of the behaviour issue. He is seeing that bully's do not get punished they get a slight word in the ear and then they can carry on.

How awful for your as!
You need to write a 'formal letter of complaint'.
State clearly in it that you are making a 'formal complaint', this then has to be filed by them as such and is also seen by Ofsted and passed on to governors. Send it recorded delivery which they have to sign for so you know they have received it.
You should include and dates of incidents with this teacher and also punishments/ consequences that your ss has had to face because he has lost his patience and been punished all due to the Bullyng behaviour of his teacher.
End your letter with a request to know what steps the leadership team will be taking against the teacher and how they will make your ss feel more comfortable in school. Insist on a timeframe by which you would like a response.
You could also mention that this teacher is heightening your ss feelings of grief and so you feel it is a safeguarding issue.
Hopefully when they see the words "formal complaint" and safeguarding they will act swiftly.

*ss!

-FlamingoQueen
I would write to the Headteacher and Chair of Governors and hand deliver the letters to school. The school has a duty of care towards the students and this makes my blood boil. This teacher should not be teaching. The teacher cannot ‘just forget-

This. Please, please, please do it. I also lost a parent, this also would have broken me. Don't let this horrible teacher emotionally scar your DSS any more, or mess with his mind.

And I also support taking him to counseling (bribe him to go if necessary and say he doesn't have to talk and doesn't have to go twice, and it's just something you have heard might help.

My heart bleeds for your SS. Grief never goes, it only changes shape and it reappears all the time. Your mum is the most important person in your fucking life as a child and for many of us adults as well. This teacher should be disciplined if you ask me, and I hope he is.

Just to emphasize, please don't mess around with English or Year heads. Go straight to the headteacher and the board of governors, or you will get nowhere (as you've found already).

I am a step mum to bereaved children who lost their mum aged 7 and nearly 12. I have ONCE been called “mum” to my step daughter by her school and they never did it again once we (gently) pointed out I was stepmum. It’s very hard for breaded children but hopefully school will be good.

Breaded?? Bereaved!