12 yr old DS wants to invite a girl-friend for a sleepover!

[Watchagotcha]

Eek! We have just got into having sleepovers recently, and DS has had a few with his best friends. He's recently been mentioning a particular girl in his class a lot, and he's just asked if he can invite her to our place for a sleepover! I have never met her or her parents. He claims that her parents are fine with it, and equally fine with him going to hers for a sleepover.

I have said a categorical no, on the basis that I haven't ever met her or her parents, and suggested that he invite her over during the day a few times instead before even contemplating sleepovers. But my gut says its totally inappropriate - and I can't believe that a 12 yr old girl's parents would just wave her off, overnight, to the house of someone that they've never met!!

DS has asked me why is it different to invite his female friend rather than his male friends - to him, they are all just friends. He's always had lots of female friends so he's very used to hanging out with them, and he doesn't seem to be at all shy in female company. He says she is just a friend.

What words do I use to explain why I am not okay with this? Is it just down to the fear that they will start to experiment with sex if they are in a room together overnight? That's such a big assumption to make, and I think he would be disgusted if I suggested that! But what other reason is there to veto a male/female sleepover?

An 8 year old boy sexually assaulted several of the girls in the two years above him in my school. Granted he had just moved to the area so wasn't anyone's friend as described in the OP but this has made me very wary. None of the incidents needed a sleepover either.

Also thinking about this reminded me of another incident - I went camping with the Scouts at 16 and there was only 3 of us, 2 boys and me. I didn't think anything of sharing with the two boys (the leaders had brought 2 tents). I woke up to one of the boys with his arm over me and so I pretended to still be asleep. I then made quite a lot of noise about waking up and he quickly moved his arm.
It was absolutely fine at the time because I fancied him too and we got together for 4 years a few months later. But thinking back it's actually pretty creepy - he didn't know I liked him at the time and didn't get my consent for the cuddle. He also moved really quickly when I 'woke up' and never told me about it. We'd been friends a while too.

Just say no. I would be suspicious of this, why can't he just enjoy her company without her staying over? Surely they can just see each other until a certain time in the evening and then she can get a lift/taxi home? Why would she need to stay? Doesn't make sense.

Say definitely no

Could we just stop this thread after Lulualla’s post. (Interestingly the first response- it could have been a wonderfully short thread) She mentions the power imbalance. This is important people. Of course boys and girls can be friends. But let’s not lose sight of safeguarding issues, especially for girls.

DS has asked me why is it different to invite his female friend rather than his male friends - to him, they are all just friends

Er...no. He bloody well KNOWS why it's different. He's trying to shame you into saying yes.

You aren't unreasonable to say no! If boys experiment, there's no chance the boy can get pregnant!