To wish we could stop over complicating Christmas

[Beswitched]

Ever more elaborate decorations, Christmas boxes, expensive branded advent calendars, fancy alternatives to the standard Christmas Dinner, competitive posts on Facebook, manic manic shopping, trips to lapland, Secret Santa angst etc etc and the whole shebang starting in November.

Aibu to wonder what happened to a couple of presents from Santa, simple presents for family and friends, putting the beloved and tattered decorations up a few days before Christmas and enjoying a roast dinner together?
It all seems to have become so elaborate these days.

No man is an Island

In the end, everyone is responsible for themselves.

What are you actually saying here? That other people shouldn't go to Lapland because you don't like it?

YANBU OP.

It’s all very well to say don’t do it if you don’t want to, but when my DCs come home saying how come everyone else gets a magical elf and a box on Christmas eve and we don’t, it makes life difficult.

Yes, I manage their expectations but they are little and don’t really understand. Of course I can and do say no and sorry we don’t do that but it’s difficult. If I say “The other kids’ elves aren’t magic, it’s their parents doing it and it’s a recently invented commercial concept” I will be lambasted for ruining the magic. So what explanation do I give?

I highly recommend blocking people on FB if they get too annoying.

Never done elf on the shelf and really don't comprehend Christmas Eve boxes! Just give them the things on Christmas day . Christmas Eve boxes just seems over the top consumerism to me !

Oh and 'beauty' advent calendars !! Just no.

Google tells me that Christmas Eve boxes are gleamed from a German tradition of giving gifts on that date.

Our Christmas is pretty much the same as it's always been. Big family dinner on Christmas Day. Roughly similar presents ... the Santa stocking a bit more extravagant but that's more because my family growing up were not well off. We have adopted Secret Santa among the cousins now as it reduces enormously the present buying. Otherwise same traditions. Get some new decs when I get bored with the old ones ... maybe every 5 years or so ... and swap them in and out.
No elf. No Christmas box. No present for the teacher (shoot me now!). No panto. No visit to Santa's grotto. Just a day spent with the extended family eating and playing games and some presents for immediate family.

Oh yes. Have had the same one advent calendar for 20 years. No choccies or other presents.

Don't do a tree or decs because the cats would wreck them in 5 minutes.
One main gift and maybe a couple days f stocking fillers for family plus something small for workmates.

Christmas dinner and NYE in the pub.
Minimal days off work.
Just how we like it.

You can have some fun like making the toys have some mischief with the teaset, or having al the stuffed animals siting around 1 reading a Christmas story, for DCs to find when they get home from school etc (or wake up to some mornings if you want) - without it being "Elf on the Shelf" mischief.

In our house, the CEH has always come from me, includes items we have always had and reused, and DD has often been involved in choosing the PJs for DH for example to go into it.

An advent calendar can be very simple, and you can make lots of Christmas fun and excitement using plain paper, some sellotape/glue, paint, crayons, toilet roll middles, and imagination. There are great free resources online for printable festive pictures to colour in or activity sheets (many of which can help learning to write, writing stories, maths etc).

There's no need for piles of presents and spending hundreds and thousands on small DCs - yes get some nice things, but don't go mad!

And yes, you can absolutely work on their expectations!! Talk about what they would like, don't just give them the Argos catalogue and a pen to circle everything they want. Remind them that not everyone can afford the nice things that your family can, and talk about how some families can afford more nice things than your family can - but everyone can still enjoy what they actually have.

What are you actually saying here? That other people shouldn't go to Lapland because you don't like it?

The OP appears to be saying now she has “seen the light” and doesn’t indulge in the excess of Christmas anymore, no-one else should. It’s all a bit like “I’ve had my fun, now I can be worthy”.

Get off social media so you aren’t encouraged to compare/compete.
Do what you want to do, buy what you want to buy.
Sorted.
It doesn’t have to be difficult and all-consuming. The choice is absolutely yours.

@minipie I don’t find that hard. I say “every family has different traditions, and that’s something I love - hearing what other people do. And when you grow up, you’ll start your own traditions too.”

You don’t have to say that the Elf is a lie, or commercialised. You just have to say that everyone is different.

Since last Christmas, my partner and I each have had a parent diagnosed with stage 3 and stage 4 cancer respectively. My kid is 17 and there's no youngsters in the family. Christmas is now about slowing down and rejecting "stuff". I'll still be having sprouts sprinkled with Parmesan though

Totally agree jacqueshammer. Some, in fact quite a few, of us on here have said we never did any of that stuff. It really is baffling to read "oh if only we didn't do all this trips to Lapland, Christmas boxes and the like" when lots of us never have... but the op has .

It's great you have seen the light though op.

Watching this space for "AIBU to wish that we didn't all go on six long haul holidays abroad every year".

My eldest is rapier like in her arguing skills Ellisandra and if I say “every family has their own traditions” she will quickly ask, ok what we do that other families don’t. To which the answer is, nothing. We do tree, wreath, stockings, christmas dinner... so does every family we know. So she will quickly see that we don’t do “different” traditions, we actually do “fewer”.

I don't do a wreath minipie. Do I win the humbug award ?

Was an ad on the rado the other day urging us to spend spend! to save your high street!!

Totally agree with you and with those saying just don't engage with it, it sounds like there are lots of us shunning the creepy elf, Xmas Eve boxes, adult advent calendars etc.

What's wrong with going to Lapland for example? It's like Disney, no one is making you.

I think seeing the Northern Lights is a one in a lifetime must-do experience, and if it's around Santa, the better. Others will not give a monkey.

Some people think an all-inclusive beach holiday with babysitting service and kids club is an absolute must. I don't agree, but it's not a competition either.

Lapland being popular only make it a cheaper option, it's a win win. You see pressure, I only see more choices. it's great.

It's gone the other way for us and our circle of friends - over the past couple of years we've:

• Stopped cards for all but closest family

• Stopped secret Santa with friendship group (we do still all go for a big dinner together in December though)

• Stopped present swapping with various people (stepbrother for example). Now only buy for parents/PILs, DH, god-daughter

There really isn't anything wrong with it @andpancakesforbreakfast. I am definitely being tongue in cheek with the humbug competition!

As a pp said up thread, as long as people are aware of the environmental impact their choices have and choose what to prioritise accordingly, who cares if they take a trip to lapland one year, as a once in a lifetime trip, instead of going on a different holiday abroad as a once in a lifetime trip.

I think the OP's fixation on the extravagance of Christmas is misplaced as it doesn't matter what you choose to prioritise, as long as you are generally making better choices for the environment imo.

As for the stress and pressure of having to keep up with the christmas Jones's, I find most people do not indulge in half the stuff the op has mentioned and if they do, I assume it is because they enjoy it. The op is speaking only for herself when she says she used to do all this stuff, because she felt obliged. I have never felt the need or pressure or desire to do most of it.

@minipie then you tell her that you do fewer things. It’s not about her being rapier like - I wasn’t suggesting you say “different” to try to hoodwink her.

Children understand different, and that different can mean less.

My Y6 is in a class with a girl who has self on the Shelf - all over fb as it happens, which is fine, because then my daughter has a giggle at it too - and chats with the girl about it at school. Same girl has been taken to Lapland several times.

Since she was tiny, I’ve always told my daughter that Santa is magic, but parents decide whether Santa is a tradition that they want for their family. I point out that if you have a religion with different festivals, you might not really be bothered about this one. If you do want Santa - then it is the parents that set the budget for him. Some families like to go all out with big Santa piles. Other families can’t afford to. Some can afford it, but personally like to keep Xmas small and like a big birthday blow out. I’ve always wanted her to feel lucky for what she has.

I would say to your child “yes - we do less. That’s because we choose less things”. Or “that’s because we have less money to spare”. There is no shame in them knowing the latter.

Ours has got more elaborate now that we have kids - it used to be one fairly boozy day with other adults, followed by a day at the pub with other adults. Now there's the excitement of the beginning of advent (marking the opportunity to eat guaranteed sweets for a few weeks), 'getting the tree' which the kids find surprisingly thrilling, and planning to see lots of friend over the festive period when we are hoping we will all be in the same country, so plenty of contingency food purchased to ensure that we don't have to brave the supermarket for a few days.

I don't feel competitive about it, but I do enjoy making things special - the kids make new decorations each year and we spend time making and writing cards for people. I don't see anything negative about making the celebration last for longer - it's nice to have a lot to look forward to and plan some enjoyable activities. One person's 'over-complicated' is another person's 'make the most of the festive fun' - neither is better or worse than the other, it's just a matter of personal choice, surely?

We have a fairly simple Christmas.
Presents only for family dc, my grandmother and fil.
Lovely roast dinner on the day, often with local friends depending on where we are.
Spend as long as possible with my db and sil, either at our house or theirs.
Stockings for dc.
Then visits/time with family and friends.
NYE gathering is always at our house.

Suits us fine!